Write Procrastinator

That's All, Folks...

2008-07-08T07:22:00.000-07:00

It's quiet around here...

...too quiet for my taste.

Quoth the Ellerbe "and so it goes."

Quoth the Mel Blanc "that's, all folks!

Quoth me, "I've got ninety-nine problems, but a blog ain't one, hit me!"

Miscellaneous...

2008-07-07T10:32:00.000-07:00

...emphasis on the "aneous."

Paging Sarah Tonein.
Paging Sarah Tonein.
Please come to the Write Procrastinator blog right away.
Miss Sarah Tonein, please come to the Write Procrastinator blog right away.

Pussi...er, wimps. Running with the bulls? Trying running through the bullshit like I do at work, every single day. Yeah, thought so, go back to quietly eating your tapas in the corner, you don't want none of my job.

Let's face it, given a choice of the two, the majority of us wouldn't watch the "grass roots rugby."

There's a certain website lets me buy movie tickets in advance and until last week (with the lines we get in certain theaters), I'd tell you that was almost worth its weight in gold. Then I was dumb enough to sign up a contest that they sponsored and now? I am in spam hell, with at least fourteen spam a day. Let me thank the person the person at the company who let this happen with my hearty foot in their "aneous."

I'll be glad when these brush fires are over. Not only for the poor people whose home and livelihoods are in the path of this destruction, but also the end of this sepia pall that bathes all of the Bay Area with an unnatural light, like Michael Bay gone amok.

From Curbed SF, who got it from What I'm Seeing. Indeed, a noble sentiment, until that humongous SUV with the driver that is driving while texting runs the light...it's then that I want my subcompact car with its crumple zones, side-impact beams, airbag, and its side-air bags around me. No offense.

Did Someone Say "Tikki?"

2008-07-03T08:09:00.000-07:00

For Bubs and other Tikki aficionados, Forbidden Island Alameda. They also have a bumpersticker that is definitely up Bubs's street.

God, I miss the Original Trader Vic's.

My District Is Bigger Than Yours

2008-07-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

My district is bigger than yours, seriously. It starts just from around the corner of my house and it doesn't end until some forty-nine blocks later, at the Great Highway. That's 48th Avenue, then La Playa and then the Highway (where hedgehogs count Elton Johns?).

It spans alphabetically from Lincoln to Ortega, if we don't include the Parkside District and it would go to Sloat Boulevard if we did (which comes after Wawona and no, I don't know why the streets on the west side arbitrarily follow the alphabet. I'm not a city planner nor do I play one on television).

We have all kinds of restaurants, spanning: Chinese, Japanese, Thai, Vietnamese, Mexican, American, and Middle Eastern cuisines. Not to mention that there isn't a bad burger to be had within these boundaries, because if you did serve one up, you'd be drummed out of the neighborhood.

If there is anything this neighborhood is, that it is underrepresented on the web. Well Janice is going to put an end to that. At Sunset Style, the outside world will finally get to see the Sunset District in all its glory.

We're talking houses and buildings. Victorians, Edwardians, Arts & Crafts, Rousseaus, and my favorite, Deco. Not just that, she has an eye for the details that escape even those of us that live here.

Pop on over and take a peek.

Rock City On Mount Diablo

2008-06-30T20:24:00.000-07:00

Anybody remember that Saxon song, "Rock City?"

So we went hiking in Rock City, on Mount Diablo. This is a wonderful area and unfortunately, our experience was spoiled somewhat by the brush fires that have been happening just south of the Bay Area. This forced the gnats to seek moisture and when they weren't flying into your mouth or ears, they would fly into your eyeballs.

Check out this Jimmy Durante-like formation. "Good night Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are..."

Some of these sandstone formations have taken on almost a lunar-like quality, though of course you have some vegetation to dissuade you of that association. Here below is all the pertinent information about the "Wind Caves" and how old the formations are-

Some of the formations are grouped close together and some are a hundred feet away.

I climbed this Jabba The Hut-looking hill and did you ever have a hill wink at you?...

...well I did. I climbed this one right below, as well. The beauty of Rock City is that you don't need climbing gear at all, just a good pair of sneakers with a reasonable amount of grip. The handholds and footholds are easy to find and the sandstone is forgiving enough that it doesn't cut into your fingers, as evident by these footprints.

I wonder if Dana married him or her...

Without any perspective, this tunnel looks bigger than it is. It's actually fairly small, a German shepard would bump its head on the roof.

You can just visualize how a section of this rock just split, eroded and crumbled away one day. We'll be back up here, probably after the second rain of the season and next time, we'll bringing insect repellent.

George Carlin's Last Interview

2008-06-30T19:32:00.000-07:00

I found George Carlin's last interview with Psychology Today, via the N.Y. Times blog, Papercuts.

I Beg To Differ

2008-06-30T10:04:00.000-07:00

Vincent D'Onofrio?? Did you ride that thing so many times that you couldn't see anymore?

Um, what I was referring to, was his resemblance to D'Onofrio when he was in a certain Kubrick movie, called "Full Metal Jacket." Not the D'Onofrio that is currently starring in "Law & Order: Criminal Intent."

Do you kind of see what I mean, now?

Odds & Ends From Our Santa Cruz Trip

2008-06-29T01:23:00.000-07:00

This ride is the "Cliffhanger" and it's a lot of fun.

It is as close to flying as you are going to intentionally get in an amusement park. Note, the dude in the middle pod on the top, looks a little like Vincent D'Onofrio.

Here is the bluff, overlooking the Boardwalk from the north. There are some nice hotels and motels up there. There is one in particular that is under renovation and it has given me a great idea for a story. The apartment building down below is also very inspirational.

I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
"This could be Heaven or this could be Hell"

Actually, I didn't hear a mission bell, Don Henley, but I did hear Sublime, the first time we walked by. It wasn't colitas I smelled either, but raggediest of ragweed. Yet, La Bahia apartments are a fine representation of the Spanish Colonial-style and they definitely give off a Hotel California-vibe.

Nice balcony, eh? If a great writer is not among the current tenants or has not ever lived there before, it's not the fault of the building, for it teems with motivation...or is that Ghost of Unrequited Writing Past?

Here is a bed and breakfast on the left, a new townhouse condos with a Victorian flair in the middle and a railroad bridge on the right. At the bottom of the pic you can see the dedicated bicycle lane along with the rubber baby buggy bumpers...I mean, the rubber bumpers to keep cars off of bicyclists.

There are somethings that Santa Cruz does better than any other city in California and this dedicated bike lane with protection, is one of them.

Finally, Good News This Week

2008-06-27T22:36:00.000-07:00

Quin's blog hits the big 400th post.

She spent some time in New York, so hopefully she won't wind up making me cry.

So We Went To Santa Cruz Part II.

2008-06-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

So in Santa Cruz, the main attraction is the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk...

Then of course, on the "Boardwalk," you have the "Board Wok." Ha, puns abound down there, as well as movies. "The Lost Boys" and "Sudden Impact" were filmed there. We didn't see any conventional vampires or people menacing Sondra Locke.

This is an animatronic pirate, though I can't remember his name, the parrot's name is "Seaweed."

Then this is my childhood nightmare transplanted some ninety miles south, "Laughing Sal." She used to be near the front gate of Playland.

As it was explained to me several times, "she used to scare the hell out of your when you were a kid." Of course they placed her on the beach side of the Boardwalk, as opposed to the street side where, I don't know, a paintball drive-by might happen? Needless to say, this isn't over, animatronic wench...

The long view of the Boardwalk.

Where is there a casino that no one can gamble at?

Games of chance for kids where they get paid off with crappy plastic toys and have absolutely no chance of getting the better prizes because they need at least $3,000 worth of winning tickets, don't count.

You can have a wedding reception or party at the Coconut Grove, I guess. I never looked into, though that's what it says.

And a touch of the South, comes to California. "Deep Fried Twinkies," because regular Twinkies somehow do not clog your arteries fast enough.

And since you asked, why, yes, they are.

I waited ten minutes for Pamela Anderson to come out of this shack...needless to say what did come out of that shack? Well, you wouldn't want to see it running in slow or regular motion.

The mural above the mini-golf course. The lava glows...kinda. The course used to be an indoor pool.

Junior and me on the Tornado. You decide how fast it spins by turning the inner wheel...

"Anne get me off of this crazy thing!"

Another twenty seconds and I would've hurled.

The Boardwalk at night, a fitting end to this post.

Count On A New York Woman To Break Your Heat...

2008-06-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

...I mean The Missus does that several times of day, but this is a real thump to the old ticker.

Don't mind me, I'm going to crawl up into a fetal ball in a corner and cry.

So We Went To Santa Cruz

2008-06-24T18:20:00.000-07:00

So we went down to Santa Cruz this past Sunday, a beautiful town that isn't quite bucolic and it does have a touch of city in it. The one aspect where they fail to live up to city behaviour is in how polite they are. I mean if you pull up to an intersection and there is someone crossing, they will insist that you go first...even if you wave them on.

Even if you firmly insist that they go.

Even if you shout at them to go.

Even if you threaten them at knife-point, they will insist that you go first.

Sometimes it takes five whole minutes to cross an intersection in Santa Cruz, they are even too polite to be Californians. If they weren't so damn polite, you'd want to slap and say "wake the f**k up, yo! You're in f**ckin' California and you need to rude it up!" But you don't, because they are so incredibly polite that they make you tilt your head and go "ahhhh," just like a basket of puppies.

This is the Boardwalk, though they have another almost adjacent to it with an amusement park and I'll post photos of those tomorrow or the day after. Thank God that they have rude-ass bums just like we do in San Francisco, or they would be no hope for that town ; )

R.I.P. George Carlin

2008-06-23T00:12:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that you are one of the few famous people who would rather be remembered as older and wiser man, as opposed to your wet behind the ears days with Jack Burns...

No, I don't remember those days as I was a toddler then, but everyone told me that you had not quite hit your stride at that point. I came in around your second or third HBO Special and let me say, that you made high school that much easier; by letting people like me who were different, just how stupid some people were that got high on their own self-righteousness.

You were never at a loss for words, though I am now. I will say that you changed the face of comedy and observational comedy so much for the better. You gave a voice to kvetching, to reason and...to getting old.

You were the Diogenes of comedy and I wonder if you had ever realized that you were one of the only honest comedians. Well, rest in peace, my friend.

You Know That You Know That You Want To Know What I Look Like Under The Sheltering Sky

2008-06-22T00:23:00.000-07:00

I never really understood The Sheltering Sky, but I doubt Bertolucci wanted me...or anyone else to really get it. Perhaps it was the book and the inner narration that could never translate into a movie. I have no idea because I've never read the book and unless I am stuck in a foreign country or at work with nothing to read, then I'll delve into it.

Of course it doesn't help when Paul Bowles allegedly said "it should never have been filmed. The ending is idiotic and the rest is pretty bad."

Malkovich, Malkovich, where was I? Oh, yeah, um, Malkovich.

At any rate, it was hot as hell today and where this picture was taken of Mr. Greybeard, it was over 100 Degrees.

The Missus took this pic without my permission, but I love the clouds more than I like the way she framed me in the shot. Also, when I see clouds with patterns like these and heat, I think of that particular Bowles title.

Blow the pic up, because those of you who don't know what I already look like? This is as close as you're going to get to seeing me...that is, if it really is me. Note the beard has almost turned completely grey and yes, people keep bringing it up as if I've never had grey hair before. At this point, it's just an excuse to hide behind the fact that they don't like the grey hair or to be rude.

Note the hat-hair, too.

Now put on your sunglasses for the next picture, because it's going to blind you-

Wooo, talk about a farmer's tan!

I'm Just Curious...

2008-06-20T10:55:00.000-07:00

...at what point will refer to something as "turn of the century?"

Another Beth Meme

2008-06-17T20:59:00.000-07:00

Were you named after anyone?

A friend of the family, thus the weird foreign name.

When was the last time you cried?

I sniffle all the time, when children are saved or if a movie can pull a miracle off. I haven't actually cried since my grandmother passed.

Do you like your handwriting?

I hate it, though I love some of my script that was influenced by 70's graffiti.

What’s your favorite lunch meat?

Andronico's has some killer Kobe roast beef and I had some excellent roast pork this morning, leftover from the Father's Day dish that The Missus cooked.

Do you have kids?

I have five kids rolled into one and he's called Procrastinator Junior. The Missus decided to take the Six Million Dollar Man approach and she built him, bigger, stronger, faster.

If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

That depends when on what day I caught me. I would probably be friends with me because of the multi-racial thing, but I can be a bit of an a**h*le when the job gets me down.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Um, do you read this blog?

Do you still have your tonsils?

Yes and they get me incredibly sick, every time I live in a winter clime.

Would you bungee jump?

I've answered this before on another meme...hello, part African-American here, I don't deal with ropes and jumping, ya now what I mean?

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

Naw.

Do you think you’re strong?

I can always be stronger.

Red or pink?

I don't know why I don't own a certain Aerosmith album, but I should because this song says it all.

What’s your least favorite thing about your body?

My middle-aged metabolism.

Who do you miss the most?

I miss my grandmother for sentimental reasons and the fact that she kept the family together, but I don't miss people in general. People ebb and flow into other people's lives just like water. Enjoy your time with them, but nothing and no one stays with you forever.

What color pants and shoes are you wearing?

Blue jeans, probably Levi's. In keeping with Asian tradition, I don't wear shoes in the house.

How about your shirt?

This one is on me today, though I have about eight Cafepress shirts that I rotate during the summer.

What’s the last thing you ate?

It was soft taco night at the Procrastinator House. Ground chicken, Lawry's Taco Seasoning, Wholly Guacamole, fresh tomatoes, fresh onions, Herdez Tomatillo Salsa, and Mission Bell Soft Taco-sized Tortillias.

What are you listening to right now?

ImaginAsian TV is rocking Gankutsuou. Mind you, it's hard to understand because I only know four words of Japanese and my eyes are on this meme, instead of the subtitles.

Who’s the last person you spoke to on the phone?

The Missus.

If you were a crayon, which color would you be?

Angry Orange (is that an actual Crayon color?).

What’s your favorite smell?

Heh-heh-heh.

What’s your favorite sport to watch?

Football!

What color is your hair?

Salt and pepper, though more salt seems to be seeping in, as of late.

What color are your eyes?

Brown.

Do you wear contacts?

I still have 20-20 vision, though The Missus will tell you that I am blind to most things.

Favorite food?

Anything except for Taco Smell and McDogsh*t's.

What’s your favorite ice cream?

Mint chocolate chip.

Favorite dessert?

Chocolate.

Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies.

What’s the last movie you watched?

I can't even remember.

What book are you reading now?

Laura Lippman's "By A Spider's Thread"

Summer or winter?

Summer.

Hugs or kisses?

All those things and everything that accompanies them.

What’s on your mouse pad?

"Dell."

What did you watch on TV last night?

"Emeril Live" or "No Reservations," I can't remember which."

What’s your favorite sound?

Look it up. It's on another meme on this blog, for sure.

Rolling Stones or Beatles?

As a kid I love the Beatles and found The Stones too dark. Now I find that the Stones are just right, Goldilocks and it is the Beatles that have a catalog that is too light.

What’s the farthest you’ve been from home?

Venice, Italy. If I had about $200 on a particular day, I could've checked out Yugoslavia.

Do you have a special talent?

I can turn a phrase here and there.

Where were you born?

The City of Saint Francis in the lovely state of California.

Who do you want to answer these questions?

Only if you feel like it.

"Jackals, Lizards And Birds, Oh My"

2008-06-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

Dozens of flights were delayed at India's New Delhi airport Monday after lizards, birds and jackals strayed on to a runway to seek refuge from the monsoon rains.

Animal rescuers rounded up the critters and moved them to habitats outside airport property. But the operation delayed several flights and shut down the runway for some time, airport spokesman Arun Arora said.

Kartick Satyanarayan of the conservation group Wildlife SOS said the animals descended on the runway in search of dry ground.

Big whoop.

My job is teeming with jackals, lizards and all kinds of all birds...nipping at my heels all the damn time. And does that make the news? No-oooooooo!

A Royal Award

2008-06-15T14:21:00.000-07:00

I was bestowed an award from royalty. Yes, Princess Ladybug gave me an award and I'll let her explain the details-

So here's the story on this award...It was created by Crystal at Memoir's of a Mommy to honor her son's heart donor. The plan is to help raise awareness for organ donation. That's a plan that I can definitely get behind.

Please, if you haven't done so already take the necessary steps to become an organ donor. God blessed us with this body to use while on earth so it is only right to pass that blessing on when we leave to join Him.

Crystal also says, "SHARE THE LOVE!!! Share this award with all those blogs out there that you love. All the people who make you smile. All those that make you laugh. All those that make your day. All those that leave uplifting comments on your blog.

**All I ask, is that you include a link to this post with the award and ask your recipient to do the same**"

So there it is folks, a wonderful award to raise organ donor awareness.

Now I have a few people that I would like to give this to...

Katie Schwartz, my best online friend and confidant, where would this blog or me be without you?

John Carlucci, who just like Katie, encourages me to write at every given turn and always gives me a personal kick in the ass.

Dale, who is responsible for about 70% of the readership of the three blogs and he sets the bar for blog humor.

Becky, my favorite blog crush who always manages to give me a fresh dose of snark and makes me feel like we are in seventh grade.

And last but not least Quin, who would make a post like this a thousand times more eloquent and profound.

So I've Been Slacking

2008-06-14T02:18:00.000-07:00

So I haven't been by your blog and yeah, I've forsaken you for video crack, but at least I'm honest about it.

Look, how about a dozen roses, okay? Wha? No, don't cry, don't cry. Please, you know how much I hate it when you do that.

I've gotten a little writing done, but unless you were Quin, Dale or Chelene, you wouldn't know that, would you? See, I can cry too and unlike you, I don't need glycerine tears >. P

Hell, I've been writing too, though I only have one completed story to show for it. The problem is the word "completed," it's such a contradiction to a procrastinator such as my self.

I've also been working on my Shelfari page this week, though it isn't where I want it to be.

So I'll be back at your blog this weekend and the days following, just as soon as I reconquer Shi Ting.

Don't Look To The Skies...

2008-06-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

...they've already been here for some time.

Separated At Birth And The Official Blog That Sharks Jump Over

2008-06-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

Write Procrastinator

Well, as you can see right above this, it is now official. Write Procrastinator has become the blog that sharks jump over. On the other hand, I should glad to be the best at something. Enough with that cheese-

If you've read this blog for some time, you'll know that The Missus contends that this woman (who seems to be just a little too enthusiastic about this jar of salsa)...

...looks just like this celebrity...

Um, I'll stop demanding that people stop lurking.

I Still Hate Clowns

2008-06-06T08:26:00.000-07:00

For Bubs, a rodeo clown makes a citizen's arrest. By the way, the blog is lopsided, why? That's right, clowns are behind it.

Liz Hickok Is A Goddess

2008-06-05T17:37:00.000-07:00

Do you create entire cities? Entire worlds? No, face it, you're not Liz Hickok. Even The All Mighty is just a little green and he wonders just how does she?...

Well thanks to Current TV, you can see just how she does it (click the purple, kids, it's a link).

Not only that, Liz has a show coming up. She sent this missive (via an irritable cherub, but what can you do? She is too busy creating, to police the occasional malcontent angel)

I wanted to let you all know about a couple new things that are happening. First, if you are in the area, I am participating in a show at the San Jose Institute of Contemporary Art, headed up by the art duo Ligorano/Reese. The opening is this Friday, June 6, starting at 6 pm and going until late. It is part of San Jose's "First Friday" happenings, which are really fun. The show info is below. I hope to see you there!

Crater Bay Area
with a Lunar Drawing Contest
By Ligorano/Reese

Featuring Moon Colony Artists:
Leeza Doreian, Renee Gertler, Liz Hickok, Ben Hunt, Julie Jacobson,
Jessica Martin, Jessica Miller, Tony May, Mark Fox-Morgan, Shelby Smith,
Carson Murdoch, David Middlebrook

San Jose ICA
560 South First Street, San Jose
tel. 408 283-8155
May 30 - August 2, 2008
Opening Reception and Block Party:
First Friday, June 6, 6PM - late
There's more information at:

http://www.sjica.org/exhibitions/Crater_BayArea/Crater_Bay_Area.htm

Now pardon me folks, I have to find a paintball gun, as I'm being buzzed by cherub with an overactive bladder.

How To Make Your Wife Laugh Entirely Too Long

2008-06-04T11:51:00.000-07:00

Me: (to Junior) Don't make things difficult for your mother. You make things hard on your mother, she'll make my life difficult and I'll wind up making your life difficult (winking).

The Missus: That's right (Junior). And you know what rolls downhill...

Me: Husbands with a little nudge from their wives.

Then she turns beet red and laughs for a couple of minutes...then she laughs for about a minute more.

It's all akward on my end.

One Last Reno Pic

2008-06-02T17:15:00.000-07:00

One last River Walk picture and we have the crew of the Cameron Park (California) Round Table Pizza to thank for these pictures and the safeguarding of the family camera. The Missus left it behind in the restroom and the fine women of Cameron Park and those passing through, either turned it in or didn't take it. The Round Table Pizza crew kept it for us and I spent Sunday retrieving it.

They were duly compensated and I wish I could've given them more, but gas prices being what they are, I could only give them so much.

So if you are in the neighborhood and you do have your choice of pizzerias in that vicinity, I ask that you go to the Cameron Park Round Table Pizzeria. I can testify that their salad bar is fresh, even late into the night and their baby corn is better than Sizzler's. Junior says that their pizza is good as well.

Whoops, I Forgot!

2008-05-30T07:59:00.000-07:00

Oh, a certain Cup of Coffey made the big time! She took a picture of author Hollis Gillespie and it is on Hollis's site!

That's All For The Week, Folks

2008-05-30T07:17:00.000-07:00

Eh, that's it for now. It's no Bad Lieutenant's Wife, but hey.

Have a good one.

There's Snow In Them Thar Hills!

2008-05-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

So there we are, driving around Downtown Reno, on our way to Circus Circus. We did the loop, got the pictures of the mural, the River Walk and just past there, Junior points out this parking garage.

Note, the new condo building going up in the background. These are little shoe boxes of apartments and The Missus speculated that they are going to be "assisted living" units. I said that I couldn't imagine them being this close to the casinos.

There are different antique and classic cars on each level...

We moved the car and parked it right here, on the 1939 Mercedes Convertible Level.

Well, I don't have any pictures of Circus Circus. I heard somewhere that casinos don't like cameras. Of course that doesn't seem to be true, as we saw people using cameras once they got there and sadly, I didn't get a chance to take a picture of the Chinese bicycle acrobats (one of the highlights of the trip). Unfortunately, they were the only act going on the family part of the casino.

I had in my mind that I was going to play thirty-five dollars and win another night's stay, but I have losing so much, that I didn't gamble. Enough with that cheese, time for my David Byrne impression...

Take me to the water, drop me in the river

Push me in the water, drop me in the river

Washing me down, washing me down

The last two pictures of the river for now. I have one more River Walk pic left for another day. So driving up there on Interstate 80 was a real bear. I decided to take Interstate 50 on the way back and that way, Procrastinator Junior could see Lake Tahoe as well.

You can't tell from these pictures that it was raining, but it was.

Is Lake Tahoe the biggest lake in the Western states? It certainly is the biggest lake in California or Nevada. Note the fog and rain in the picture below.

So, somewhere between Wagner and Cow Creek, the snow decided it wasn't going to melt. Lo and behold, snow on May 24Th.

Procrastinator Junior doesn't remember his last experience with snow, as he was barely two when it occurred and his one winter trip to Yosemite last year, yielded none of the fresh white stuff (the first time that it hasn't snowed at that time of the year, in ages).

Note that the flakes reflect the flash back at the camera and it gives them an aura. Also note these pictures are blurry, the result of having to set the camera on "night" exposure.

Hey, Tim Gallagher, there's Big Foot in the picture below!

Reno's Renaissance?

2008-05-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

Reno calls itself "the biggest little city in the world?" To wit, wha? At any rate, the city itself seems not so big and like most cities of old, it was built around the river and it expanded gradually outward. Yes, it's no Vegas, but no city is. Besides, it's better than Carson City (which seems like the smallest capital of the western states) or Sparks.

Architecturally speaking, you have a mix of: Victorians from when the city's earliest days, brick hotels from the 20's and 30's, ugly government buildings and hotels from the 50's and 60's, closed casinos from the 60's and 70's, and a nice mix of modern condos...though not enough of them. There is no uniform revival as there was in Vegas, the funds aren't available now that the California Native American casinos have snatched up both the compulsive and casual gambling dollars.

As I explained to The Missus, if you haven't already booked a hotel in Reno and it is snowing heavily or raining, you are going to stop at California Native American casinos first. It's the safer drive, which is kind of shame because Reno has potential that may never be fully realized.

The picture below is pretty much symbolic of the city...

You think "oooh, 'Magic Underground?" The possiblities make the mind swim...

Then you go around the corner and you get this building. An escapee from either "Logan's Run," one of the "Planet of The Apes" movies or a Glen Larson production like "Buck Rodgers" or the original "Battle Star Galactica."

Take you hands off of me, you damn, dirty magician!

Cleanse your eyes with the condo building below, that is adjacent to Reno's River Walk.

Then there these mobiles all over Downtown. I've seen one just like this in Marin, made with oil drums.

What's this?

It's a fish.
No, it's a bicycle rack!
No, it's a fish!
No, you're wrong, it's a bike rack!
You are both wrong, it's a desert topping and a floor wax!

Let's move on to Reno's River Walk, shall we? If they built three more things just like this, they might have something special.

And who funded this endeavour? Why, Doctor Strangelove, of course. No, he only looks like Sellars in his famous role...

A sculpture...

The fountain. Ducks, eagles, falcons and fish abound.

The fountain empties here...

Going down the drain, just like my readership ; )

Reno Goes Vertigo

2008-05-25T13:13:00.000-07:00

I've hung out in Reno, Nevada, just one time before and I really enjoyed myself.

The people were real mellow, but note that that was way back in '93 and the economy, plus drugs, have changed a lot of America for the worst since then. Still somehow, Reno seems to have kept both its cool and its mellow. While it isn't the hippest city in the world, there is an absence of pretension that is very refreshing and you won't find that in other city in the west from San Jose to Seattle. Even the areas that had bars on their windows, just had them here and there. Almost as if it wasn't necessarily to keep the riff-raff from getting in, but the hardcore gamblers from getting out.

This mural is just past the main group of casinos in the downtown area. We did a loop of that area and decided to swing back to Circus Circus after seeing a nice, but dingy neighborhood, where this painted wall caught my eye. Note that the absence of graffiti, something young a**h*les here, can't respect, as they will tag anything and everything.

I wanted to link the images together, but my camera isn't sophisticated enough for me to do that. So while they are in order, some of the images on the pictures repeat themselves.

In An Effort To Staunch The Ever Dwindling Readership

2008-05-23T08:17:00.000-07:00

In a recent Gallop poll, blog readers were asked, "Which would you rather do, read Write Procrastinator or have your teeth pulled?" Of course I'm not going to publish the results here, but needless to say, too many of you needlessly added "with or without anesthesia?" for my comfort.

So this morning Coaster Punchman wrote "unfortunately none of those photos does anything for me! But I'll still stop in anyway."

Well hell, Coaster! I'll work with you. This one is for you and Beth. Everybody have a great Memorial Day/Remembrance Day Weekend.

P.S. I understand someone with the initials K.S. kicked ass and took names last night.

"Don't Mess With..."

2008-05-21T11:44:00.000-07:00

I tell you, I try to plug other people's work and nobody that isn't named "Bubs" or "John," will comment. I try to plug my own work and only Dale reads it...and my poor writing has him missing a crucial plot point.

Well, I know how to get the old comment ball rolling, more irreverent fluff, like the inane comments I leave on your blog...only it's on my blog-

Um...

...Where was I? Oh, yeah. So I have mild dyslexia and I have to read somethings twice to get the gist of them. Take a new movie poster that I saw about a month ago. "Don't Mess With Zohan." Of course, the first thing I read was "Don't Mess With Lohan."

What's the difference between the two other than their respective genders? Well, I'm glad you asked that (even though you didn't but humor me because then I can't get the bit going). You see, both are considered dangerous in their chosen professions. Zohan is a former Mossad agent that wants to be a hair dresser and Lindsay? A cold war experiment that the Soviet Union secretly unleashed on us, right before the end of the Cold War.

You see, Zohan gets sideways...

Um, so does Lindsay. Zohan just wants to do your hair and Lindsay? She just wants to do...your clothes. What? You thought she wanted you? No, she just wants to swipe a fur coat or two off ya.

Now, according to the poster below-

What will Lindsay blow?...

...no, wrong usage of the word as far as she is concerned. Blow, not blow. Go get...

...if you're going to work on that. Now Zohan has deadly fists and feet...

...and Lindsay?

No silly, I'm talking about her getting behind the wheel! Honestly...

Katie Has Updated Her Web Page

2008-05-21T07:31:00.000-07:00

My Best Online Friend Forever has made her splashy web, page even splashier. Pop on over and get emotionally pantsed.

Plus, she'll be reading at the Pilcrow Lit Festival in Chicago on Thursday, May 22nd and if you are in Midwest, you have no excuse not to attend.

None.

Don't even try it, just go and stop being all defensive about it.

Alicia Is Directing A Play

2008-05-21T07:01:00.000-07:00

Harvest Home, a.k.a. Things You'll Learn To Love About Me, a.k.a. Alicia, is directing a stage production of "Peter Pan!"

Hopefully she has cast a good Pan, because when someone doesn't? I root for Hook all the way.

The Suspense Mounts As The Action Comes To An End!

2008-05-19T20:23:00.000-07:00

Katie "Scoop" Schwartz has entered the third and final chamber of Astonishing Adventures Magazines. Yes, past the Cerebus, the Minotaur and his deadly shape-shifting maze. Past the an editor that is said to be half-woman, half dragon and that has been known to consume all of those who dare not to use spellcheck when submitting their stories.

Even past the spike-collarded Spider Monkeys of São Paulo that practice savate, to interview the Editor in Chief, Tim Gallagher. Forget about those sissyies at CNN and their Middle East nonsense! Don't bring up that Amampour wuss, Katie faces the real danger to bring you the excitement behind Astonishing Adventures Magazine!

Coaster's Cat

2008-05-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

Coaster's Cat Grover...

...is the second coming of this guy.

Even More Action And The Temple of Boom!

2008-05-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

First on today's double bill? Katie Schwartz enters the Second Chamber of Astonishing Adventures Magazine Offices and interviews editor Katherine Tomlinson; a woman as beautiful and deadly as she edits.

Next? Johnny Dollars continues Splotchy's meme and not everything seems to be of this world-

Stepping down the ramp to the tarmac, the humid air smacked me in the face look a hat dish towel. My loud Hawaiian shirt, brown Bermudas and straw hat assisted my pasty skin in screaming ”tourist” to any who might notice me. I was just heading toward the doors to the baggage terminal when I heard the faint whistling from the air above.

Shielding my eyes from the white intensity of the Florida sun, I could just pick out five black specks high in the sky coming from the direction of Elgin Air Force base.

The flight-paths for the specks were all wrong for any aircraft or missile the base might possibly have in their inventory. Damn it, I haven’t even had a chance to get a decent drink yet.

“Henry Lemon” is the cover name for the Agency and the Agency has their fingers into everything the NSA, FBI, CIA, and every other alphabet can’t handle. “Opportunities and riches abound here!” is standard for code for “enemy incursion.”

“I know that I can trust you to keep this in confidence, but if you somehow have changed since the time we saved each others lives? Know that there is far more money to be made than what is in this envelope.” This means we have alien invaders again taking over the brains of human beings – again.

“Now, get down here as soon as you can. I need a good and loyal man, that I know will have my back” is pretty self-evident and just means to get my ass moving.

“Rosebud,” No sooner had I whispered the codeword than my cybernetic implants activated and my forearms opened to reveal the mini-rail guns held within. A quadriplegic since a landmine have me apart in Afghanistan, the Agency had rebuilt me with all kinds of sweet boys-toys.

The specks have covered a lot of territory by now and I could see they were five men wearing Thaitana rocket packs and were bristling with all sort of weapons modules. I hate Thaitana MindSlugs and their human hosts. You can’t get the little bastards out without twenty hours of microsurgery and a hell of a lot of prayer.

These poor soldiers just became expendable.

Twisting around, my first burst of fire rupture the wing fuel tanks in the plane I just arrived it. The resulting fireball incinerates two of the rocket men, but it also kills the flight crew and a dozen passengers. Their families will get wonderful letters explaining that they were killed defending their country.

Danger, chills, excitement, and all this for the price of popcorn!

Um...

2008-05-18T00:27:00.000-07:00

...What?

It don't pay bills
Vanity kills
You love you (huh!)

Action! Action! I've Got Action!

2008-05-17T22:23:00.000-07:00

Coming to Write Procrastinator, the double feature film bill that you've been waiting for!

First, Quin keeps Splotchy and Bubs's meme going, as the story virus spreads! Watch as she channels the late Messr. Thompson himself! Featuring Bubs as "Hunter S." and Lindsay Lohan as "Oscar Zeta Acosta!"

Next on the exciting double bill! Katie "Scoop" Schwartz interviews Astonishing Adventures Magazine Editor John "Don The Mad Monkey, Mon" Carlucci!

There will be blood! There will be moldy peanuts! There will be interviews and no subject will be spared!

Will Katie make past Cerebus, the Minotaur and The Maze, to get the interview? Will Quin escape the shadow cabal of evil Pan Am lawyers? Only you can click and find the answers!

I give them both two solid thumbs up! There you have your pull quote, now put the grapefruit knife down!

-Richard Roeper

Splotchy Has Another Story Meme

2008-05-16T11:35:00.000-07:00

Cool, just like JJ's Friday Flash Fiction of old, Splotchy has another viral story meme. Bubs caught it and he's dishing it out to the rest of the Internet.

Splotchy wrote...

I had been shuffling around the house for a few hours and already felt tired. The doorbell rang. I opened the front door and saw a figure striding away from the house, quickly and purposefully. I looked down and saw a bulky envelope. I picked it up. The handwriting was smudged and cramped, and I could only make out a few words.

Bubs wrote...

I looked up and down the street but didn’t see any delivery truck, or any car for that matter. No FedEx, no UPS , no creepy-looking porno'd-out conversion van with a half-assed delivery service sign taped to its side. Nothing. It's like delivery man just disappeared. I stepped back inside, re-set the deadbolts and took a closer look at the envelope.

Mentally I ran through the checklist of letter bomb warning signs. The handwriting on the envelope, smudged and cramped as it was, was laid out in a tiny, obsessively neat block lettering. It practically screamed recently-de-institutionalized loner with time on his hands. No ticking or whirring sounds, that’s good. No odd smells, no leaks or stains on the package. Check. Weight seemed evenly distributed, that’s good too. I decided to open it.

Inside I found a plane ticket to Pensacola, a business card for a lawyer in Niceville, five crisp $100 bills and a four page handwritten note. Well. This was different. I poured a cup of coffee, threw some meat to the dogs to stop em barking, and sat down to read.

I wrote...

Now I knew that Niceville is the home of Mullet Festival and by that, I mean the fish and not the god awful hairstyle. Also, Elgin Air Force base was just a hop, skip and a jump from there, but beyond that? I’ve never been in that part of woods nor do I believe that I knew anybody down there.

The four page letter was a missive from my friend from the first Gulf War, Henry Lemon. The lay out of the four pages was odd; the first page said “this money is just a small example of the money to be had.”

The second page said “opportunities and riches abound here!”

The third said “I know that I can trust you to keep this in confidence, but if you somehow have changed since the time we saved each others lives? Know that there is far more money to be made than what is in this envelope.

The fourth page said “now, get down here as soon as you can. I need a good and loyal man, that I know will have my back.”

And now I'm tagging:

Quin
Is That So Wrong
Johnny Dollars

Of Course Today...

2008-05-15T09:50:00.000-07:00

...is an important day, but I'll get to that eventually.

Here is my problem. For someone who wants to make a living writing words, I'm not exactly proficent when I type about those who I love. Needless to say, there is someone who brightens each and every day that I live. There is someone who makes my life worth living and has a heart not as big as the World, but Jupiter itself. A person who by virtue of her goodness and love, makes me and everyone around her, better people.

So let me say Happy Birthday, Honey!

Tanya's Back And Creepy's On A Roll

2008-05-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

Tanya's back, with Beth/Pagan Sphinx's meme! Go check it out before she goes on hiatus again.

I've added my favorite atheist and fisherman, Creepy to the blog roll. Yes, my blog roll is longer than yours, only because of the descriptions so you don't need to take a little blue pill for that particular inadequacy.

Happy Birthday To The Sun King

2008-05-14T07:50:00.000-07:00

Standin' at the shore
A hurricane calls my name
Beyond all I dream
The electric ocean

Oh yeah
Ah-ah
Oh yeah

The spirit is free
Where the wild things roam
Next to the sea
The Electric Ocean

Ocean of love (ocean of love)
I'm thinkin' of (I'm thinkin' of)
The place to be (the place to be)
The Electric Sea

It's Ian Astbury's birthday, but being The Cult fan that you are, you already knew that, right?

Even Bookgasm Is Mentioning "Astonishing Adventures Magazine"

2008-05-12T17:32:00.000-07:00

Even Bookgasm is mentioning Astonishing Adventure Magazine. So what's your excuse? Check it out today!

Actually, this is just another excuse to put the cover up and I don't care what John says (even though he drew her), that's Darla Crane!

The Name Of This Product Induces, Not Prevents Heartburn

2008-05-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

You spend millions of dollars on reseach.

You are going to spend millions on advertising.

You spend tens, possibly, hundreds of thousands of dollars behind the research, test marketing, and consultation for the name of your future product and the best that you come up with...

...is ass-f-fecks?

Extremely weak sauce, knuckleheads.

Weak.

It's That Day Again...

2008-05-11T00:38:00.000-07:00

...The day where we celebrate the reason why all of us are here. The day where we show our appreciation for those gave birth to us, or raised us, or take care of us.

Some of you ladies have to do some mothering or duties that are entirely too maternal for anyone and was certainly not in your job description when you applied, so this day is yours too.

Happy Mother's Day!

As I Wait...

2008-05-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

As I wait on a tiny bit of good news that is holding up my next post, here is something I wanted to blog about on Wednesday (courtesy of SF Metroblog)...

Zhan Whang has done my favorite city in the world up in cookware, trays, silverware and the like. An excellent version, I must say, though Zhan is no Liz Hickok.

If he really wanted to add realism, he would do my workplace up in the rancid chipped beef on toast that it is, but then no one would come to the exhibit without a gas mask on. Click the Metroblog link to find out where this is being exhibited.

The Baroness Blogs About My Favorite Subject

2008-05-08T08:40:00.000-07:00

See? I told you that she was royalty. The Baroness blogged about my favorite subject at Indie Bloggers and no, I'm not talking about "couture." I don't use that word nor "haute cuisine" nor will you ever hear me use the expression, "hot ghetto mess."

That ain't me.

Sh*t Mayer, Make An Effort

2008-05-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

All right John, if you insist...

You're a lazy lyricist, go away
When you won't take thirty seconds to write a chorus, okay?

Sandy Cheeks was wrong, you can catch someone's "stupid."

Eh, I'm just as lazy, writing-wise. But you're not going to hear me write an insipid chorus like that nor will you have to endure it, every time you walk into a store or turn on the radio.

The Inquistion: Meme Style

2008-05-05T18:11:00.000-07:00

I should've known that if Beth visits twice in a day, I'll be tagged. Pagan Sphinx tagged her and she's gone Torquemada on me.

Ten Years Ago

I was still trying to get the first screenplay out written and Junior was a tornado. Now I'm trying to get enough stories together for my first anthology and Junior is a hurricane.

Five Things on Today’s To-do List

1) Sleep (screwed that one up, major)
2) Get bills paid (likewise)
3) Go food shopping (success!)
4) Finish the short story that was started last night (screwed that off for this meme)
5) Get into the Facebook Top Ten Thousand in Movie Trivia (screwed that off for this meme)

Wow, a rousing triumph all the way around and that's why I am so productive.

If I Were a Billionaire

1) Travel and you are coming with me. If I'm in the billions, we're going "Ugly American" all the way.
2) Charity Bingo. I'd take up the slack where Scheisse-negger has dropped the ball. Sports, instruments and books for the schools.
3) But the San Francisco charities would come first. Charities to many to mention and I won't mention them because they send me enough letters as is.
4) A McMansion on both coasts.
5) Housing for the family.

Three Bad Habits

1) Have you read the name of this blog?
2) I'm a flake when it comes to keeping up with you. I owe Beth emails, John an essay read, Princess Ladybug emails, must I go on?
3) Pissing people off. It's what I do best, ask around...then watch the steam come out of people's ears.

Five Places I’ve Lived

1) San Francisco. I've left and came back.
2) A suburb east of San Francisco that doesn't even deserve to be mentioned on my blog because they all can s**k it.
3) Parma, Italy
4) Venice, Italy
5) Sant'Eufemia d'Aspromonte, Italy (well, technically I just stayed there for a little less than a month)

Five Jobs I’ve Had

1) Roadie. Basically because I didn't have a driver's license and was home on most nights, a friend of mine would get me little gigs where I moved cases here and there. Don't ask me to set your amps or your drum kit up, I was the guy that fetched duct tape and carried cases from the van or truck.
2) Worked at a garden center and I didn't study my horticulture like I was supposed to. I did a lousy job of faking it.
3) Caterer. As in, I carry the trays out and you make that nasty face when you don't recognize a food. You don't know how annoying that is and it's even more annoying when you see it a fifty times a night.
4) Bagger at a grocery store.
5) Checker at a grocery store.

I’m Tagging

Quin (who I've just added, because she's back on the web)
Gifted Typist
Johnny Dollars
Tanya Espanya (when she wants to return).
Dale
Katie

On The Printed Page, San Francisco Is Crime Central

2008-05-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

Recently the San Francisco Chronicle has been asking Bay Area writers "what's the best book that you've read that features San Francisco in it?" There has been a conspicuous absence by the interview authors of crime fiction, in specific? A certain novel about a bird that would eventually go on to make Humphrey Bogart a true leading star and put John Huston on the map.

Well, Eddie Muller was nice enough to take care of that omission and more, by picking out a list of some of the best "Crime Novels Set In The Bay Area." Click the purple and take a gander. Then he takes it step further by saying on the printed page "San Francisco Is Crime Central" and he backs that up with interviews of Bay Area authors.

Of course Mr. Muller cannot in good conscious add his own two great contributions to that list...

"The Distance"

and "Shadow Boxer"...

...so I will.

Also, I would like to add "Street Raised" by Pearce Hansen...

and "Cons, Scams and Grifts (A DKA File Novel)" by Joe Gores...

...to that esteemed list.

Katie Schwartz Goes Big Time

2008-05-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

Hey, Katie Schwartz has been interviewed by Farmhouse Magazine, in anticpation of her soon to be released book "Emotionally Pantsed!"

Go check it out!

P.S. Don't you just love that book title?

The Third Issue of Astonishing Adventures Is Here!

2008-05-02T07:21:00.000-07:00

The greatest pulp online magazine is back with its exciting third issue!

You can download it here at Media Fire...

Or you can read it here at Issuu.

Happy Birthday Gian Carlucci

2008-04-30T00:01:00.000-07:00

Go, go, go, go, go, go
Go, Johnny Dollars
It's your birthday
We gon' read Astonishing Adventures like it's your birthday
We gon' clean our dentures like it's your birthday
And you know you’re a year closer to being a geezer because it's your birthday

Happy Birthday JDC, you're the best!

A Quin Browne Production

2008-04-29T17:03:00.000-07:00

Da-da-dah-da
Ba-da-dah-da
Da-da-dah-da
Ba-da-da-dah

Tonight on "The Streets of New York"-

Special Guest Stars

John Malkovich as "The Angry Bike Messenger"
Kal Penn as "The Cab Driver That Pretends That He Doesn't Understand A Word of English"
and Cormac Brown as "The Mumbler on The 'F' Train"

Tonight's episode- "Static Staten Island Shock!"

No, actually, Quin is guest starring on The Guest of a Guest blog. Take a gander.

Da-da-dah-da
Ba-da-dah-da
Da-da-dah-da
Ba-da-da-dah

A Quin Browne Production.

So I lied...

2008-04-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

One more rebus for this week and it is a fairly straight-forward one.

Not the woman next to him, but the man...

Or this man in the mug shot...

plus

plus the next two letters

If you can't read the graffito, here is the same letter right below...

Barring the occasional update? See you in a few weeks, on your blog or not at all.

The Blogroll Rolls On

2008-04-26T10:13:00.000-07:00

And yet again, the blogroll expands!

(in alphabetical order)
It's all about unity with Black Coffee White Milk.
He's not heavy, he's Bookfraud.
Ruby Letters go out to the world and touch all.

A Poll For Polling Programs

2008-04-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

I am asking this question not on behalf of this blog, but for the other two. Please, which poll app is the easiest and most reliable?

If Someone Comes Across Some Cash...

2008-04-23T18:45:00.000-07:00

If someone comes across a great deal of cash or wins the lottery in the next few months-

If at all possible, I would like two of these, please. In return, I'll dedicate a book to you. Or even better yet, I won't write you into the book.

Quin Amazes Me Again...

2008-04-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

...and she amazes Margaret, too.

Magic Rebus

2008-04-22T07:42:00.000-07:00

Can't have it.

Okay, show me your age and tell me which group wrote that lyric? This is the last rebus for this week...

What do you mean, "do I promise?"

Keep that up and I'll make this a rebus-only blog. What do you mean, "you don't care?" Why I oughta...

At any rate, if you get really stumped, pass your cursor over the photos and maybe the title of each one will give you a clue.

plus

minus "arine"

then add...

plus "le."

Add

Did you get it?

"Cat"

"Nectarine" minus "nect" = "arine"

"Net"

"Sing" plus "le" = "Single"

"Ton"

Catherinette Singleton.

Next...

minus "fruit."

minus "d"

Then

Then the one with the red nose, not "Chip," but...

Did you get it?

"Passionfruit" minus "fruit" = "Passion"

"Dove" minus the letter "d" = "ove"

"D"

"Dale"

Passion of The Dale.

On An IMDB-Tangent

2008-04-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

One site missing from the meme below, is the Internet Movie Database or the IMDB. During my early years on the web before there were enough blogs to become addicted to them, I would spend my time just exploring the IMDB. This site and Wikipedia are possibly the only two sites that I could spend an hour on them and not get bored.

All the facts that you can now take for granted because of DVD commentary, typically could only to be found within the "trivia" section of each film or TV show.

Did you know that John Mahoney is English?

Did you know that Alan Arkin was in a folk group called The Tarriers and he co-wrote "The Banana Boat Song?"

Did you know that Bill Murray had a cameo that was excised from "The Jerk?"

Yeah, well, I didn't either.

Taggage Baggage

2008-04-20T10:40:00.000-07:00

Just when I think I'm going to settle down to a nice morning of writing, Bad Tempered Zombie tagged Gifted Typist, who in turn tagged me.

Barbara said-

This is a link meme, whereby you link five of your favourite sites and then tag five others to do the same.

I don't read the papers as much as I used since the whole Iraq debacle kicked off, but I do have to keep up with local events and that's what the Internet is for.

SF Metroblogs and SFist help me do just that. They also feature links to other blogs and sites that cover San Francisco, so the two blogs pretty much cover everything in that aspect.

A prime example is this, which I saw this guy get pulled over. Most of the time I can only describe these incidents to you, but somebody is always quicker with the camera or camera phone than me.

If I have just a little free time and I don't want to involved by reading one of the regular blogs that I do, I hop on over to Paper Cuts, a book blog by the New York Times. It's updated about four or five times a week and there is usually a mini-interview with an author or someone in the publishing field. You don't need to register for the NY Times to read it either.

The Rap Sheet has everything you need to know about crime books and writing. Stuff and interviews with authors. Books and DVDs that are coming out, as well as the conventions.

Free Translation is where I go for quick decipherings and little things to throw into the blog. What, you didn't think I really spoke Spanish, did you? I can read a few languages, but I can barely order a burrito in Spanish and if the counter person deviates just a little bit from the normal patter or questions, I spontaneously combust.

Now, I don't tag because then people feel bad when they don't respond. So, consider this an open tag and if you feel like doing this? Put a link in the comment section and I'll post it up here.

The Wheels On The Rebus Go Round And Round

2008-04-19T22:57:00.000-07:00

One more time.

What? Stop making that face! It's not that hard! Aw, humor me, will ya? Here we go...

minus the letter "b."

Add the letter "s"

to the picture below...

and take away the letter "s" on the end.

...minus "miley."

plus

Did you get it?

"Band" minus the "b" = "And"

Put the letter "s" in front of "tums" and take away the letter "s" on the end = "sum"

Guy Smiley minus "miley" = "guys"

"Web"

"Log"

And some guy's blog.

Yes A Story Can Be Told In Six Sentences

2008-04-19T11:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, a story can be told in six simple sentences and here's your proof. "6 S" is finally a book

6S

Six Sentences, Volume 1 – our exciting collection of original fiction and non-fiction – has finally arrived! Click the photo for a closer peek! The book is currently available at CreateSpace, and will soon be available at Amazon.com. THANK YOU to each and every one of our talented writers for making this fabulous collection possible. What can WE say in six sentences? You’ll have to get the book to find out!

Robert McEvily

Don't Overthink It

2008-04-18T07:38:00.000-07:00

A certain lovely blogger from up north says...

"BeckEye and Beth, but beyond that ya go me."

To wit, I reply, "don't overthink it." Let it come to you. We'll try your name...

So, "Gift + Ted + Typist = Gifted Typist." You see? It's fairly easy when you've seen enough examples.

Don't Stop, Rebus Time!

2008-04-17T10:24:00.000-07:00

When I stayed in Italy some two decades ago, I had difficulty learning the language, because everyone would rather practice their English with me than speak Italian, regardless of their proficiency. Some of my Italian roommates suggested that I could learn their language by doing rebus puzzles.

Well, it was just that simple, wasn't it?

Um, no.

I couldn't do rebus puzzles in English, what hope would I have possibly have had in Italian? I stood a better chance of learning Basque via osmosis, by sleeping on a book of Basque phrases.

Some twenty-three years and two months later? All of sudden I can create rebus. I still can't decipher one, but I could put a couple of them together. Let's let Wikipedia explain just what a rebus is and don't forget to click the myRebus.com link at the bottom. It's a little program that you type in anything and it will turn it into a rebus (no, I did not use it for this post).

So in this post, I am going to rebus a blog or the name of a blogger. Let's go with the easy ones first as a warm up.

Uh, yeah, it's Michael John's future wife, The Pop Eye. No, Becky doesn't look anything like this character, though she will eat her spinach on occasion.

Hotter than any java served by McDonald's, A Cup of Coffey.

Okay, now you're going to have to work for the rest of them and you'll have to highlight under the bottom of the rebus to find out (correction, the answers are posted)...

plus

Equals what? Coaster Punchman. Coaster + Punch + Man (because that's man at the end of this evolutionary chain).

This one is a little harder if you don't recognize his name from the comments.

minus

"Les"

plus "s"

Equals what? Bubs. "Bubbles" minus "Les" plus "s" equals "Bubs."

Now why don't you give it a try?

A Recipe For Bridget And S4.

2008-04-17T10:05:00.000-07:00

No, he's not an Audi, he's Bridget's man, though she has been known to drive him nuts on occasion. The S4 actually cooks and is known to tussle for the privilege of cooking for his lady, so I'll take the time to type out this recipe for him.

From The Culinary Institute of America's "Gourmet Meals In Minutes"

Salad of Crab and Avocado

Makes Eight Servings/Preparation Time: 35 Minutes

1/2 cup red pepper, small dice
2 plum tomatoes, cored and chopped
2 scallions, thinly sliced on the bias
1 clove garlic, minced
2 tablespoons cilantro, coarsely chopped

2 teaspoons jalapeño, minced, seeds and veins removed
1 teaspoon salt, or to taste
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, or to taste

2 1/2 cups lump crabmeat, pasteurized, picked over to remove cartilage and shell
2 avocados, ripe, small dice
1/4 cup sour cream

Toss together the red pepper, tomato, scallions, garlic, cilantro and jalapeño to form a salsa. Season with 1/4 teaspoon salt and a pinch of black pepper and let the mixture sit at room temperature while working on the rest of the appetizer (about 20 minutes).

Combine the avocado, lime juice, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and a pinch of black pepper.

In a 6-fluid ounce glass, layer 1/4 cup of the tomato salsa, about 5 tablespoons of crab and 2 tablespoons of the avocado mixture. Spoon approximately 1 teaspoon of sour cream on top of the avocado layer. Garnish with a little bit of the salsa.

NOTE: Be sure to wear gloves while mincing the jalapeño to prevent irritation.

So there is the recipe in blue, as it was written in the book. Here's an Amazon link to buy the book and remember that I suggested to alternate the layers, instead of just putting the salsa at the bottom.

The Last To Strike Back

2008-04-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

Birthday Love

2008-04-15T12:07:00.000-07:00

The Missus made me a special birthday dinner. We started the meal with salad of crab and avocado-

Fresh dungeness crab, avocado, sour cream, tomatoes and spices.

This is a Culinary Institute of America recipe and she followed it almost to the letter. The only thing she didn't include were the jalapeño peppers. The dish could've used them, but it is a flawed dish in design, because all of the tomatoes and peppers are on the bottom. Everything would be better off placed in alternating layers. Giving it a chance for smoother blending of the flavors (if you mix it too much, it tends to make things mushy).

Mind you, I'm not criticizing her cooking, but the recipe itself. The crab and avocado were wonderfully fresh and flavorful. It's hard though when someone puts that kind of effort into a first-time dish and the creators of said dish, let that cook down.

Then came the ginger-marinated pork.

Outf*ckin' standing! If you're going to try this recipe at home, I'd cut the soy sauce down and split the 1/4 cup of it in half with water, as it was a tad salty.

Quin's "The Adventures of Margaret and Neville" are sight to read, I mean, see. Comedies involving manners are harder than you think to write, there has to be a certain level of nuance or you go right over the top and it loses direction to become something altogether wrong. Quin knows that and for her, the little tightrope of nuance may as well be an eight-lane freeway, as crosses that chasm with ease like a writing Wallenda.

Quin relented to my badgering for my birthday and wrote a chapter where Margaret's life took an unexpected turn, check it out.

Tanya sent me a wonderful E-Card, that was worth the download wait for dial-up.

So, a big thanks to everyone who made my birthday special!

P.S. The highlight of the morning was a phone call with the every-busy Katie, as we bagged on Coco and caught up with the dishing.

Slappy Mirthday

2008-04-14T07:07:00.000-07:00

On this day in history...

In 1865, Abraham Lincoln was shot by John Wilkes Booth at Ford's Theater.
In 1912, the H.M.S. Titanic struck an iceberg.
In 1965, on the centennial of the Lincoln shooting, I was born.

Draw your own conclusions.

Sure, bad things like to happen on my birthday, but they reach their nadir the following day. The Titanic sunk and Lincoln passed on the fifteenth. Must I mention Tax Day? Which is the main reason everyone forgets my birthday (uh, yeah, that's it).

Let us look at some famous people who were born on this day...

Sarah Michelle Gellar. I never got into "Buffy," though she wins massive points in my book, for doing spots on "Robot Chicken."

Anthony Michael Hall. Well, I wouldn't exactly cross a room for an autograph from either of these two.

Ritchie Blackmore. Oh, hells (sic) yeah! Deep Purple! Rainbow! The best metal guitarist of the 70's that wasn't named "Van Halen." Now I'm all geeked up! He is talented, mercurial and he perfected firing band members halfway through the tour.

Procrastinator Junior masterminded this set-up. The letters in this pic are a little washed out from the flash, but this shows how creative he is and much he cares.

So, play "Long Live Rock & Roll," "All Night Long" or "Smoke On The Water" for me today...and fire everyone in your band for no good reason. It's the Aries/Blackmore/Procrastinator Way!

P.S. Oh, I forgot that Pete Rose was also born today, though believe me when I say that no one would ever call me "Charlie Hustle."

Earthquake Weather

2008-04-12T23:58:00.000-07:00

Well, I was supposed to have two stories done, with one to be posted on Cormac Writes and the other's destination was for Powder Burn Flash, if Aldo deemed it worthy enough. But The Missus got all the napping time in last night and I was on "Junior watch" as a result, with not enough sleep to finish my outlines. So I re-posted three of my stories from Powder Burn Flash today, to fill the content level and the reason for that is twofold-

1) Because people were nice enough to link Cormac Writes blog and poor planning on my part is the reason that there was a dearth of new content to keep the interest of new readers.

2) Because if they like those stories, there are plenty more on Powder Burn Flash and not just amateurs such as myself, but authors such as Pearce Hansen and writers that are on the verge of being published.

So go check it out.

By the way, today was unseasonably hot and it still is as I type this post, but the real worry (if you could actually call it that) is the humidity. Because these condition usually signify "earthquake weather," even though this article suggests that there is no such thing.

Of course another article concurs, though...

The temperature had climbed ten degrees from the day before and the humidity had built to a level that many would remember as sultry. As the fans waited in their seats at Candlestick Park some complained that 83 F was hot, especially for October 17, 1989. The lack of wind at Candlestick Park was all the more remarkable since if any kind of breeze was blowing it would make itself felt in the stadium.

To the philosopher Aristotle these conditions were the precursor to a temblor. Geologists had long ago disproved any link between weather and seismic activity but the old concept had hardened into a cliché.

I'll say this; of the one major earthquake in my life and two of the last four rolling quakes, the temperature was unseasonably warm and so was the humidity. Now, certainly we won't have an earthquake tonight, as those past incidents were cases of association and conincidence, and nothing else. I'm just bringing this up as a point of conversation.

Yet, it's not so much as a "the glass is half-empty/half full" proposition, as it that on days like this? I'm not about to touch that glass of water. Not to mention that even though the above sentence is grammatically correct, it is women that are "sultry" and not the weather.

I'll Be Here All Week (rimshot)...

2008-04-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

...uh, yeah, because it's my blog. All apologies if someone else has used that line already, I am on automatic pilot this week.

First, I gets no love from Technorati. I've posted twice on Cormac Writes and they won't update it. Granted that they were minor mini-posts, but posts nonetheless.

My birthday is coming up soon and you don't have to send me a card or buy me a thing. All I'm asking for is a link to http://cormacwrites.blogspot.com/

It would mean a lot.

Second, do you remember back in nursery school/Kindergarten/elementary/grade school where there was always that one kid who would eat anything to get attention? You know what I mean. Paste, paper, gum, boogers, worms, and God knows what else, because I usually got bored and walked away after the worms.

Well, a certain channel gave that kid a show and other than the above pic, I'm not going to mention the channel or the show, because quite frankly, I'm sick of the guy just from the commercials that they run over a hundred times a day (literally every commercial break!). This guy is just running with one aspect of a show that used to be on MTV, minus someone getting pummeled in the head or kicked in the nuts.

Maybe that should change...though I still wouldn't watch the show, but I'd somehow feel better if he was writhing on the ground.

Last, but not least. For a solid three weeks, I was getting over a dozen hits a day from the Philippines for "lyrics by procrastinator sandwich."

To wit, "wha?"

Apparently there's a song called "Procrastinator Sandwich" and no, sadly, the song does not involve me, Julianne Moore and Salma Hayek.

You gotta run don't walk, it's really late
When you get off the train, meet me at the gate
You gotta push don't shove
Get it out of the way
Don't wait any longer, do it today

Chorus: You can count on me
I'm gonna get it done, get it done
Before the night segues to day
Before the city wakes
Before the rooster shakes
Before the icing hits the cake
We gotta operate

You gotta glide, don't slip
Get your balance right
Ride with the wind, it's a beautiful sight
You gotta skip, don't jump
The little bumps on the way
Don't let it get to you, don't listen to what they say

(Repeat Chorus)

You gotta squeeze, don't pull
Hold that grip steady
You know it's all lining up
You can never be ready
You gotta seek don't hide
Don't sit and wait
'Cause it may pass you by
And it'll be too late

(Repeat Chorus)

Hey hey! (3x)Procrastinator Sandwich

You gotta run don't walk, it's really late
When you get off the train, meet me at the gate
You gotta push don't shove
Get it out of the way
Don't wait any longer, do it today

Chorus: You can count on me
I'm gonna get it done, get it done
Before the night segues to day
Before the city wakes
Before the rooster shakes
Before the icing hits the cake
We gotta operate

You gotta glide, don't slip
Get your balance right
Ride with the wind, it's a beautiful sight
You gotta skip, don't jump
The little bumps on the way
Don't let it get to you, don't listen to what they say

(Repeat Chorus)

You gotta squeeze, don't pull
Hold that grip steady
You know it's all lining up
You can never be ready
You gotta seek don't hide
Don't sit and wait
'Cause it may pass you by
And it'll be too late

(Repeat Chorus)

Hey hey! (3x)

Um, what's Tagalog for "I'm not feeling it?"

Apparently Blogging Kills

2008-04-09T10:36:00.000-07:00

I tend not to link articles from the New York Times, because they charge for old links after so many weeks and is it really worth while to pay for an article that doesn't have someone that you know personally or yourself.

I read this, but didn't bother to post it. It's a sad and tragic story about bloggers who make their living from their blogs, passing on from work-related stress to the great post in the sky.

SFist has linked it and after the NY Times link goes up to six bucks, you'll still have the SFist article to give a cheaper gist of it.

Steampunk Studios Delves Into Art

2008-04-06T20:28:00.000-07:00

Not content with just editing a magazine and writing, John is making his foray into the art world, in a way that is reminiscent of Robert Rauschenberg and Joseph Beuys.

Don't take my word for it, take a gander for yourself.

Adventures In Soda

2008-04-06T15:27:00.000-07:00

So I was down at Irving Cafe and I'm using Yelp! to let you know where the restaurant is at, because they have a reliable link. Though some of those reviewers need to cut down on their uncontrolled substance intake and I leave that one at that.

Anyway, I'm down for the bánh mì-action, because I'm sandwichy like that, and what should I see? A soda in a plastic can.

Yet, as you can see from picture number two, the top is aluminium.

It has a bottom like a plastic bottle...

...and as you drink it, the can seems to turn greener with each sip.

Though as you can see, it's just the gradual diminishing of the green tint of the plastic label. Yes, it seems like from the picture below, that I'm watching NASCAR. That's only on for background noise and when they race stock cars on oval tracks, I only pay attention to; the crashes, the final ten laps and/or if a Yankee wins.

The brand is Elisha Soda and they don't have a site in English. I did find a Japanese online food store that sells more than the two flavors that the Irving Cafe carries (apple and lychee). The "e-l" on the can reads like a "b," which kind of sounds like a drunk without front teeth trying to tell somebody off.

"Bisha, pluhh-leaze! (hic!)"

Past Adventures In Hair

2008-04-04T16:39:00.000-07:00

Of this post, the Editor JDC asks, you aren't related to this guy are you?

Hells (sic) no! I was rockin' the "Jimi Hendrix" hair since birth, while Mr. Pead a.k.a. "Yahoo Serious" was still sporting a crew cut in New South Wales.

In high school, I had either of these two "Warrior" hairstyles.

Forget condoms, the pill, diaphragms or IUD's. In an affluent Reagan era white suburb, these two hairstyles, no car and no job were all I needed for birth control.

100% effective, don't you know? And you can't say that about all the other methods. So now I have the "Shik*m*ru."

I took the two letters "a" out of that name, we don't want the kids popping over here when they are searching for characters from their favorite show. So now I just put my hair up and it is short enough on the sides that I got a wife out of it. I can't say that about the other hairstyles.

That's Not A Word...

2008-04-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

...or is it?

This morning, there was me, happily leaving work because my weekend started and two traders were drafting me, like the sidewalk was the final lap of the Daytona 500.

They were in full conversation mode-

Trader #1: So we had to call (Note, I can't quote him verbatim, since I was trying desperately to tune him out) blah-blah-blah, yakkitty-smackitty.

Trader #2: (Cited equally boring figures and statistics).

I sped up, I was trying to shift into my safe Friday mode and they sped up...nipping at my heels with their baying banter, like relentless bloodhounds after an escaped convict. Was some potbellied prison guard urging them on while he had them leashed? I didn't dare look back to find out.

Trader #1: (Cited stats upon stats)

Trader #2: (Cited even more stats. A veritable stat clusterf*ck and obviously they weren't practicing "safe stats.")

Me: (whispering) Shut up, you statistical tools!

Trader #1: Then right before the bell, we get (proud of transaction and even though I didn't know exactly what he was talking about, I could that he was inflating a simple transaction into the sale of the century). Then, we "systematized" it.

At this point I twitched and spasmed.

Me: (thinking) Okay, not only are you bullsh*ting about your accomplishments, but you're making up words, too! "Systematized???" Shut the hell up, before I take "The Big Book of Pulps" out of my backpack and beat you to a pulp with it!

So I went from a speed walker's pace, to full on jog and barely escaped their disgusting discourse. I was all set to rant that "systematized" is not a word, yet, the M-W online says it clearly is.

Yeah...

...well, those two are still a pair of statistical tools.

I'm Not One For Contests...

2008-04-03T16:51:00.000-07:00

...but Bridget and Tanya? Can your hair do this?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Not Quite S.A.B. II

2008-03-31T20:47:00.000-07:00

Junior's birthday is today and we had celebrated his party yesterday. So, today he wanted to go see Superhero Movie, which was funny as hell in some spots and in the end, completely forgettable.

I would call it a "Group Twinkie." It is enjoyable when viewed with a big audience, some of the jokes are enhanced with a real life laugh-track and I had forgotten half of the movie by the time we got to the parking lot. The outtakes of the Tom Cruise-YouTube spoof were funnier than the ones left in the flick. Becky, you'll appreciate those more than anyone. Rent it just for the outtakes, if nothing else.

At any rate, the co-star of the flick created another "Not Quite Separated At Birth." So here we go and please try to follow my convoluted logic...

Here is Kate Bosworth, right?

Here is Reese Witherspoon, okay?

Easy enough. Now comes the stumper...

Here is Sara Paxton from "Superhero Movie." Now, is she "Sara Bosworth?" Or is she "Sara Witherspoon?" We need some answers here, people! Get M.I.T. up and running on it!

Crazy Eights Meme

2008-03-30T12:03:00.000-07:00

Ante Scriptum- Quin was nice enough to submit hers and thus, one less person for me to tag and one more entertaining meme for you (win-win).

Miss Suzy tagged My Favorite Cup of Coffee, then she tagged me.

It's all about that number that is good luck in Asia, the Number Eight-

8 Things I’m Passionate About-

1) The Missus and The Kid.
2) Football. Too damn much and I can't watch some games because of my blood pressure (thank you Yorks, for ruining the Niner franchise into the ground and aging me five years).
3) Writing.
4) Eating and if you don't know that by now, you haven't been reading this blog.
5) Reading your blog. Check your Sitemeter, Statcounter or Bravecounter if you don't believe me.
6) Procrastination and if you don't know that by now, you haven't been reading this blog.
7) Video crack. Part of the reason that I've put off this meme for so long, is because I'm trying to unlock "The Osaka Campaign" in "Samurai Warriors 2: Empires."
8) Reading books.

8 Things I Want to Do Before I Die

I don't remember what I wrote, the last time I was asked this question and I'm not going to look it up. So for all intents and purposes, this is new...though it probably won't be because I repeat myself-self-self.

1) I want to go to Japan, big time.
2) Get that book published!
3) Get that script produced!
4) Retire! If I do it in San Francisco with the current job, I'll be six feet under before I collect that pension. So numbers two and three do have an direct effect on this one.
5) Get a house, see numbers two and three, unless I move.
6) Go to Russia (in June though, you know I hate the cold).
7) Spend a couple of days in the Midwest. I've never been except in transit, a stopover in Kansas City and I couldn't tell you if it was Kansas or Missouri.
8) Last but certainly not least, see the Missus become a famous painter. She's a lot further along as a painter than I am as a writer, though she really hasn't done a lot since Junior was born.

8 Things I Often Say

1) Good gravy!
2) Moron!
3) Bayyyy-be!
4) Dude.
5) Copacetic.
6) Absolutely!
7) Expletive. Yes, "expletive." Because I can say it everywhere and anywhere and you damn well know I mean "f*ck."
8) Pick a lane, any lane (then followed with a string of expletives).

8 Books I’ve Read Recently

"The Black Lizard Big Book of Pulps"

"The Best American Short Stories 2007 edited by Stephen King" (still haven't finished it!)

"The Chinatown Death Cloud Peril" by Paul Malmont. Thanks to John Carlucci for that recommendation.

"Elmore Leonard's 10 Rules of Writing"

"Queenpin" by Megan Abbott

"Wall Street Noir"

"The Chill" by Ross MacDonald

"Bronx Noir"

8 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over

1) Any Led Zeppelin song other than "Hot Dog."
2) A Coltrane song that I have listened to over fifty times within a four day period and that's according to the iPod's counter.
3) "Take Five" by Dave Brubeck
4) "Long White Cadillac" by Dwight Yoakum
5) "Everbody's Got Their Something" by Nikka Costa
6) "Creation" by El Michaels Affair
7) "Under The Night Stars" by The Sea Hags
8) "Aphrodite's Jacket" by The Cult

8 Things That Attract Me to My Best Friends

1) Tolerance. You'd be surprised what people say about one of the five races that I am, obviously not knowing my genetic composition. Needless to say, I don't associate with them.
2) Intelligence.
3) Humor. Why does this meme sound more like the "turn on/turn off" section of Playmate Centerfold?
4) Compassion. The real stuff, not some politico's catchphrase.
5) Similar tastes in culture.
6) Similar experiences in life.
7) I don't know.
8) Je ne sais quoi.

8 Things That Drive Me Crazy

Beth added this one because it drove her crazy that there were only seven categories in Crazy 8s.

1) Bad drivers.
2) Cell phone shouters.
3) Work.
4) Traffic.
5) Intolerance.
6) People that are too lazy to even Wiki something. This is a beautiful age we are living in and so much knowledge is at our fingertips.
7) The "search inside" logo on top of the books that Borders/Amazon puts on the book cover jpegs. I just want to post the pic here and maybe you'd guys would get some business.
8) You asleep at the traffic light. Trust me when I say that it will not get any greener.

8 People I Think Should Go All Crazy 8s on Us

Oh sure, everybody is already picked by now. I tell you what, if you haven't been picked and you want to be linked, just mention it the comment section.

Here is Quin's.

E-Chaos Nibbles, Then Strikes!

2008-03-25T17:21:00.000-07:00

Well folks, this was going to be one of my greatest challenges ever, but like Cupid with a fully automatic crossbow, I will eventually hit something...

Dear Write Boo,

He lied to me. He lied to me. I thought he was my one true love and he let me down. I've heard how you've come through for so many people and I've been to all the other Internet dating sites, to no avail. I'm counting on you to come through with someone who is tender and who loves moonlit walks. Someone with big beautiful eyes, who is affectionate and you know I love to have my ears nibbled.

Sincerely,

Star Jones

Hmm, let's see. "Someone who is tender and loves moonlit walks?" I know just the guy!

Unfortunately, he prefers your...um, "previous self."

He said something about "my favorite smorgasbord is all gone" and left our E-Chaos Headquarters in a huff. No problem because here at E-Chaos, we will find that someone who is as close to your perfect match in this or any other world, or we can't "bring the pain," right?

So I have to find someone who:

A) Who is tender.

B) Who loves moonlit walks.

So...

Okay, Star?...

Well, he has an affection for those with tender ears. What the hell, close enough. Let's call this another successful match for E-Chaos, because we bring the pain!

The Edge Of The Envelope

2008-03-22T23:25:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan of Quin and her 6S submissions.

This one is no exception, I love it. Please read it with an open mind because as she said to everybody who posted a response to the short, "it is what you make of it..."

Yes, I Still Owe Beth A Meme...

2008-03-22T01:30:00.000-07:00

...but in the meantime? In oldie...

How much sand
Could Ayn Rand sand
If Ayn Rand could sand, sand?

How much arm
Could a marmoset arm
If a marmoset could arm an arm?

My New Nickname!

2008-03-16T15:44:00.000-07:00

Chris has given me my new nickname!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am now-

Brown Lightning!

...unless you are talking about a meal you had by:

A) A shifty caterer.
B) A questinonable restaurant in Mexico
C) Any meal that you've had a Taco Bell (you knew better than to eat there).

Not Quite S.A.B...

2008-03-14T22:43:00.000-07:00

Follow this progression, okay?...

There's Chris...

Then there's Danny...

Then there's Orlando...the lost Masterson.

Enough with that sausage fest, here's Maggie Gyllenhaal-

Yow!

Splotchy's Name Game Meme Via Chris

2008-03-13T21:57:00.000-07:00

Splotchy tagged Chris and Chris tagged me.

Here it goes...

1. Tag one to many persons by doing the name game song on their Blogger name (their first name, if they have one).

2. Tell your tagged, name-gamed bloggers that they will have to continue the Name Game meme, or innocent puppies will be [make up something suitably awful].

*****

Hello, taggees! Please pass this meme on.

If you don't, puppies will be forced to live in a world without kibble!

The only thing preventing this terrible tragedy from being enacted is your continuation of this meme!

There are the rules. Now, I never could do this song right as a kid, so be patient...

Beth, Beth, bo-beth

Banana-fanna fo-feth

Fee-fi-mo-meth

Beth

Coaster, Coaster, bo-boaster

Banana-fanna fo-foaster

Fee-fi-mo-moaster

Coaster

Tanya, Tanya, bo-banya

Banana-fanna fo-anya

Fee-fi-mo-manya

Tanya

Spot, Spot, bo-bot

Banana-fanna fo-fot

Fee-fi-mo-mot

Spot

Katie, Katie, bo-batie

Banana-fanna fo-fatie

Fee-fi-mo-matie

Katie

Don't Forget About Padma

2008-03-12T18:43:00.000-07:00

Don't forget that Season Four of Top Chef begins tonight, in minutes if you are reading this in the East. I see from the bios that one chef is going to have a hard time, one of her favorite dishes is "gnocchi with clams."

Middle Name Meme

2008-03-12T00:13:00.000-07:00

So Fran I Am tagged Katie and Katie tagged me.

As Katie said-

1. You have to post the rules before you give your answers.

2. You must list one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name or your mother's maiden name).

3. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag one person (or blogger of another species) for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged.)

I am telling you right now, this is going to take all day with my middle name (Christopher) and I can't tag that many people.

C: Cats. I'm allergic and the felines love that about me. I've mentioned it before, but I've got a long way to go on this meme and why, it's just like I am catnip. They do figure-eights under my feet.

Mr. Whiskers- Look, it's like "ring around the rosy" just for us! Just run between his legs four times and he sneezes!

H: Hirsute. I'm probably not as hairy as your uncle that embarrasses you every Memorial Day picnic with the "hairshirt," but for someone is who is part Chinese? I'm kind of hairy. On my Mother's side of the family, I am second hairiest.

R: Read. I love to read and will take a good book over ninety-five percent of what is on television. It's a good thing that I am married and have a kid, or I'd prefer books to the company of people.

I: Irritated. I'm always irritated behind the wheel and if you are from out of state and drive badly, I will say "go the f*** back to Laramie and learn how to drive!"

S: Surly. Um, refer above to the letter "I."

T: Told. As in, "I told you this wouldn't work." Yes, I am lemon and salt on your paper cut, because if you didn't follow my suggestion and something went wrong? I will remind you that I had it right. Conversely if you get one on me? I lump it, but I will grumble incoherently.

O: Orange. As in "orange juice," I drink at least three glasses a day.

P: Paper. As in "newspaper." Before the Internet, I used to read three of them a day on weekdays. I wound that down to one and a half newspapers a day after the Chronicle went online and since the Iraq War, I rarely bother. I get most of my information online and my Jeopardy abilities have suffered much since then.

E: Earl. Not as in "My Name Is..." No, call me Mr. Earl.

R: Reveal. As in, "I doubt this meme has reveal one damn thing about me." I might've recycled a bunch of things from other memes and I guess we'll find out if you can actually go blind from plagiarizing yourself.

Now, who do I tag? In alphabetical order as you know their first names

Angel
Bubs
Bridget
Chris, who has just tagged me!
Princess

Let's pretend my middle name is just "Chris" and leave it at that, this meme is cutting into my sleep.

Quin Humours Me With A "U"

2008-03-10T23:35:00.000-07:00

If you've never been to Quin's blog, you should go and check it out. She has been to that "sceptred isle" and lived to tell about it ( tiny water heaters in winter and all). And if that's not enough, she ate the food there. Brave as 'ell, she is, wot?

She speaks of motherhood, of life behind the camera, of the NYC, and the best part of all, the only blog where you will find "The Chronicles of Neville." You ask who is "Neville?" Why, I'll have you know that he is the most fascinating personality in all of Great Britain and the United Kingdom.

Check it out for yourself and if this isn't a sign, one of the local Public Television stations is running one of those England by air shows as I type this!

Because He Has A Superdelegate In His Pants.

2008-03-07T10:29:00.000-08:00

Hey, Mxyzptlk of Earth Observation Blog has gone nation-wide with a political blog on Red Blue America, take a gander.

Nice shot, James

2008-03-06T18:08:00.000-08:00

A great observation, Mr. Pearce.

Separated At Birth?

2008-03-06T16:44:00.000-08:00

Separated at birth?

Bob Goldthwait and...

John Heffron. Of course, this is too obscure for anyone that doesn't follow comedy or hasn't seen Last Comic Standing Season Two.

The Madness of Oscar R.M.B.A.S. The Third

2008-02-24T20:57:00.000-08:00

Ante Scriptum- John Travolta. Just because Becky wanted him mentioned.

What does "R.M.B.A.S." mean? "Random musings, bruisings and aloe-scented soothings" or really, an oddly fanciful way of saying "odds and ends." This year's Oscars will be especially odd for me as I have seen none of the nominees and I do mean none. So like some neo-con pundit, I'll be winging this as ill-informed and misguided as can be. No new taxes, lockup the liberals, get out the falafel, and away we go!

If that vexes you, please realize that I do all this for entertainment purposes and not for gambling or criticism purposes. So if you are looking for those kinds of postings, read my previous Oscar observations here and here, when I had at least a basic idea what I was talking about. Also, I look for "Atonement" to win Best Picture by a touchdown, as Keira Knightley will pull a trick play and show off her anorexic ribs...thus, distracting the Academy voters as they check the box.

The only two films I've seen in the past year that I would describe as Oscar-worthy, are not even nominated: The Lookout and Paris, Je T'aime. This is more of a reflection of how few films I have seen this year as I've taken the screenwriting career off the backburner and put it in the freezer. I've devoted my free time to short story and novel writing and thus, I read.

As always, I'll keep my observations in chronological order and with as little as editing as possible-

"They won't mingle, don't worry." John Stewart on inviting screenwriters to the Vanity Fair Oscar Party and he's dead on with that one.

I'm glad to see that Javier Bardem didn't keep his "never get p*ssy in a million years haircut." His name for that hairstyle, not mine.

"Diablo Cody, you've gone from a stripper, to an Oscar-nominated screenwriter...I hope you enjoy the paycut." Stewart is going subtle and I wonder if people outside of the movie industry are getting half of these good jokes.

You the readers, had all probably enjoyed wonderful little appetizers and plats principaux during your viewing (a.k.a. entrées). Me? Where's my Safeway Buffalo wings? The pull date says they went south, Thursday. So I go with the backup, Blazin' Buffalo Ranch Doritos, 'cause I'm low rent like that.

Congratulations to Brad Bird and if I were to go by "The Iron Giant" and "The Incredibles," I'd imagine that "Ratatouille" should be a great film. Yet I still haven't seen it because I just can't get over the thought of a rat being in a kitchen, even though I've eaten Kentucky Fried Chicken in Manhattan.

Kiss me Cate. By the way Helen Mirren, you've never called, so I have to rescind the offer. So Cate? Come see about me.

Isn't it amazing how "Tim Burton" in an Italian accent, sounds a lot like "timber?"

Did John Stewart just compare Cate Blanchett to a pitbull? Get your eyes checked, son. Rosanne Barr, maybe. Cate? Not likely.

Javier won! Or was it the hair? Yeah, that's it, it's gotta be the hair. Doesn't that hair just make you melt, ladies and some of the gentlemen?

Or is it that it makes your eyes melt in horror?

Speaking of horror, that little nightmare montage that would've been shown if the writer's strike continued? Yeah, The Missus wakes up like that every single day, still married to me after sixteen years. As a matter of fact, if she were to title our little union, it would be something like this classic.

Le Mozart Des Pickpockets? Mais, non! Ceci est fou! Members of the Academy, "The Tonto Woman" is an Elmore F*uckin' Leonard story! Actually look at your ballots the next time, instead of using them as coasters!

If you really want to see Tilda act, check out The Deep End. A good movie that somehow escaped everyone's attention.

Um, I know everybody else has beat me to this punch and blogged about it already, but, uh, Jessica Alba? That quite possibly will be the only way that you will ever get on this particular stage.

Congratulations to Coens on Best Screenplay Adapted From Other Material. Now how's about putting the other Cormac on the map? Then maybe Cate will come see about me.

Seth Rogen is right in that out of the two of them, he looks more like Halle Berry.

Marion Cotillard won and doesn't the Academy love transformations? Seeing her as Edith Piaf was a hellva makeup job, on par with Linda Hunt's in "The Year Of Living Dangerously." Does that mean that she should've beat Cate? Hells no, but Cate will always be a winner in my heart. Or is it that she has won my heart? Cate, (everybody altogether) come see about me.

"The Bourne Ultimatum" has won a bunch of technical awards, obviously this is just keep Procrastinator Junior in the room because other than "Ratatouille" and "Surf's Up," this is the only other nominated film that he's seen.

At ninety-eight years old, you're damn right the orchestra didn't interrupt Robert F. Boyle. If I should live that long, I hope to be that sharp. As is, I pause as much as he does in conversation and I'm only forty-two.

Helen Mirren just called to say that I am a blogging bastard that owes her money and no, she won't come see about me.

I don't know what song this is that just came on after the Best Foreign Picture Oscar, but out comes the mute button and members of the Academy, this is your second warning tonight. If I have to give you a third warning, you'll be getting a timeout. Plus I'll make you watch Jessica Alba in "Fantastic Four" until your eyes fold inside out into your skulls.

John Stewart, you rock and you rule. Bringing Markéta Irglová back out, shows twenty auditorium's worth of class.

How does Roger Deakins not win for Best Cinematographer? With him, I don't even miss Barry Sonnenfeld as the Coens shot caller.

Cate, honest, I won't go all Roberto Benigni-did on Stephen Spielberg's leg-on you. Come see about me.

Oh, Junior and I saw "Sicko," and we were disappointed that it didn't win for Best Documentary.

Wow, Diablo Cody wins it all! I'm proud of her for turning everything that the establishment represents, on its ear! A swift kick in the nuts to the old boy network! Tee it up, Diablo, tee it up!
...and it's good!

Right through the uprights!

No one drinks Daniel Day Lewis's milkshake...no one.

I take that back, maybe the Coen Brothers, because they have two straws! To see Martin Scorsese and The Coens on the same stage, says all is right in the movie universe.

And The Coens win for Best Picture! Hurrah!

In closing, so I have seen some of the nominees, just not the ones for the non-technical categories. So, there will be blood unless Cate Blanchett comes to see about me, then there will be milkshakes for all, and...I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm tired and I'm out of here...

Princess Ladybug and Wendy's Meme

2008-02-22T18:50:00.000-08:00

This meme from Princess Ladybug via Wendy is fairly straight forward and fun.

Instructions: For each of the following, search Google Images and post your favorite pic. To make things easier, the meme questions are in red and numbered.

1. Where I grew up:

The closest I could get to the old neighborhood is this pic and I looked at dozens of pictures. The denizens of the web are discriminating on the less photogenic side of the canyon. For almost the first fifteen years of my life, I lived beyond those trees at the top left hand corner.

2. Where I live now:

Rather than take a new photo, I recycled this one and yes, the branches are gone. As a matter of fact, they cut into my President's Day sleep when they trimmed these trees.

3. My name:

No, my name is not "flower." My name is too distinct to give you a clue beyond this and it's rare enough that people will bother from my past will bother me if they see it on the web.

4. My Grandmother's name:

No, my grandmother wasn't Nora Charles. She was a "Myrna," however. Oh...and uh, JJ is my father. No, not literally.

5. My favorite food:

My favorite food is pasta and if I had to eat it prepared a certain every day, it would be with pesto alla Genovese, or "pasta with pesto" as it is called in America. Pesto means "paste" in Italian and Genovese is in the Genoan-style.

6. My favorite drink:

I love this stuff, though I can't afford to drink it everyday, let alone more than twice a week. It's a nice occasional drink and if I made more money...

7. My favorite smell:

Um, since this is mixed company, let's go with food and damn if I don't love the smell of steak.

So there it is. I'll keep the tagging to a minimum and tag the last two people who tagged me, Quin and Johnny Dollars.

Happy Birthday To My Favorite Blog Crush

2008-02-19T08:14:00.000-08:00

Her name is Becky, she was a showgirl
But that was seven years ago, when they used to have a show
Now it's the mosh pit, but not for Becky
No more acid-wash jeans she used to wear and gel in her hair
She stays home and watches American Idol
She lost her favorite booth and she lost her Tony (Manaro)
Kelly Preston is her rival!

At the Copa (CO!), Copa-ka-slama (Copakaslama)
The hottest spot north of Alabama (here)
At the Copa (CO!), Copa-ka-slam-ahhh
Headbanging and thrashing were always the fashion
At the Copa....don't fall in love(Copa) don't fall in love
Copakaslama
Copakaslama

The Paper Anniversary Of The Bad Lieutenant's Wife

2008-02-17T14:36:00.000-08:00

Today, the Bad Lieutenant's Wife is one year old and note that I dropped "French" from the title, ages ago. That is not due to any odd ball resentment towards Le français, the title just rolls off the tongue easier. Besides, they call the English Ros bif, so they can't be that bad.

Do You Have The Post Valentine's Day Blues?

2008-02-16T19:50:00.000-08:00

Do you have the post-Valentine's Day blues? Well just be thankful that it's not 1929 and that you are stuck working Valentine's in a certain little garage in Chicago, because then you'd really have something to be sad about. Other than telling you to "toughen up, you wussy!" Try reading these stories here or here. With the exception of that Cormac character's drivel, there's not a dog in the bunch. Good solid fiction with enough twists and turns to at least temporarily distract you from your love-related woes.

Oh, and you'll never win her heart with a stuffed emu. So you have no right to be sad because it's all your fault.

Is Quin Cupid? A Meme

2008-02-14T17:59:00.000-08:00

Quin tagged me on Valentine's Day, does that make her Cupid? Her guy, the Weather Guy (no, not "Guy Smiley") tagged her and she hit me with this one-

a. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
b. Tag seven people to do the same.
c. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it".
d. even if I tag you, you don't gotta do it, but I'll be curious to see your answers!

See, I agreed to this sight unseen, but no offense to Quin, I'm running out of embarrassing things because of I went through them with the last four out of the last five memes.

1) I am a savory person and I will pass up desert for seconds of dinner. At Thanksgiving, I will load up on thirds, instead of pie.

2) If you've read this blog before, you'll know that Procrastinator Junior doesn't want me to drink alcohol (barring the occasional beer). The thing is, I don't even sneak one when he's asleep. As of late, I could use a glass of Bailey's...or four, but once you give your word to your offspring, you know?

3) I haven't gotten a new VCR since the old one died last year and a DVR is out of the question, finance-wise. So if it doesn't come on before I go to work, I don't watch it. I bailed out on the CSIs, two of the Law & Orders and everything else that comes on after nine and I don't miss them...too much.

4) As long as I have the Internet and books, I could almost go without TV. Most of the time it is on as just background noise when Junior isn't watching.

5) It has been so long since I've seen a movie in the theaters, I literally cannot remember the last one I've seen. I know it was last summer and I took Junior, that's about it.

6) My spelling has improved dramatically with blogging, yet I still can't spell some of the most basic words and I have lousy spelling intuition. For example? "Embarassing," which was how it was before spell check caught it.

7) Looking at number four, I am repeating myself as I am sure I've brought that up in the past. That's part of the reason I don't want to blog anymore, I repeat myself thematically and I'm caught in a loop...in a loop...in a loop...in a loop...

You Can Lead A Horse To Water...

2008-02-14T07:13:00.000-08:00

...but you can't lead readers to a blog. Jeez, I told youse I was postin' herre and all of three people have gone over.

Happy Valentine's Day!