Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Off On A Tangent...

...like a thicket of tangelos, don't ya know?

They're back, or should I say they're stalking their territory, just a little further than a stone's throw away. Hello holey sidewalks, goodbye sleep.

Speaking of lack of sleep, I'm lucky to get five hours over three shifts, or should I say, "attempts?" Things have a tendency to take on a dull, surreal and detached feeling to them. I've replaced swear words with "this...is...Sparta!" As well as saying "jumpin' catfish!" in a pitch perfect Walter Brennan.

Sometimes, things sound extraordinary on paper, but they wind up being less than ordinary in real life. Dark chocolate peppermint Altoids seemed to me, like a marriage made in Heaven. Yet they did a half-ass job on both components and the results are less than mediocre.

C'mon, say it with me. This...is...Sparta! See? I did you a favor. If you joined in with me at work, you're boss is telling you right now that "you are stressed. Overworked, why don't you take the rest of the day off?" If you joined in with me at home, your significant other is telling you to just calm down and that they'll finish up the housework.

If this backfired and you got fired or kicked out of the house, what are you doing listening to me anyhow? I'm sleep deprived. Jumpin' catfish!

I've probably brought this up before and you certainly won't hear me use it, but "irregardless" is a proper word...or so the Merriam Webster Online says.

Was you ever bit by a dead bee?

I may not get a lot of sleep, but I sleep better than people in Roanoke, Virginia.

One more time for good measure...this...is...Sparta!

2 Comments:

Blogger BeckEye said...

Believe it or not, I actually do a pretty good Walter Brennan. And possibly even more unbelievable, I do an EXCELLENT Robert Plant.

Speaking of Walter Brennan, have you ever seen the "lost" SNL skit on the Best of Will Ferrell DVD, where he plays old time character actor Gus Chiggins, assigned as the "old prospector" to an army platoon? It's freaking hilarious. And in place of swear words, HE says "Awww, peaches!" or "Awww, cinnamon and gravy!" The latter is my favorite.

Wed Mar 21, 03:29:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Becka,

So, you have been bit by a dead bee. "Robert Plant?" That, I've gotta hear.

I completely missed that skit, dagnabbit! I have to buy that DVD now, just because of that skit and I hope they have "more cowbell" on it, the only significant SNL skit that I've seen in the past five years.

Wed Mar 21, 05:06:00 PM PDT  

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