Friday, October 05, 2007

Sweet Sixteenth Anniversary Part III

I Said, Hotel, Motel, Marriott Inn..."

Wherever we go, one of the main requisites of Procrastinator Junior, is that the hotel or motel has to have a pool. So The Missus and Junior did their due diligence on an online site and found a hotel with a pool.

It was late as we pulled up, I'll say about 10 pm and this motel is rather small and of the "nearby the airport variety." Lo and behold, that makes sense because it actually right behind the Ukiah Postage Stamp, er, "Airport."

I guessed that the pool was out back...ha-ha. Ahem... ah, yeah. So, like I said this motel was tiny and that is understandable, because the town isn't very big and which makes sense, because outside of the winery and Native American casino crowd, who is going to fill the occupancy?

The plan was for us to rest up and hit the ground running, in the morn. This place we were staying at has free breakfast, but by the time we were up at 9:30, virtually everything was gone except for small boxes of cereal and a waffle iron straight out of Hades. I mean, I was getting a tan off of the thing, just by looking at it. I said later to the joint, leaving The Missus to cook waffles for Procrastinator Junior.

Sure, call me a "coward. Just don't call me "hungry" because I hit Jack In The Box for an Ultimate Cheeseburger breakfast. The one thing you will find out when you get this far north in California, is that every other male wears a baseball cap.

There are to be no professional sports teams on these caps. These caps will have instead, the following:

A) A hunting or hunting-gun related motif.
B) Something representing one of the Big Three Automakers.
C) A beer related hat and if there's a brand involved, it has to be domestic.

Now, I have a baseball cap...

...with an Audi logo. With the exception of one restaurant, neither my cap nor my color, bothered most of the people of Ukiah.

The other absolute is that every other male will drive a truck or an SUV. They can be foreign made, but none can ride at stock height. This is the more practical of all the peer pressures there. If you live have to drive a dirt road to get to a friend's or your house, you're gonna need that extra suspension travel.

I had my breakfast and my two loved ones had theirs, so it was swimming time. It turns out the pool wasn't in the back, but it was an indoor pool. Procrastinator Junior was disappointed with it right away, apparently they used a special lens with the travel site because it was a whole lot smaller in real life. We're talking approximately fourteen feet wide, by twenty feet long. Hey, no problem, we had the thing to ourselves.

"Someone Has A Promising Future At The DMV"

After the swim, it was off to Applebee's and the adventure picks up. Let me preface this by saying that there are two groups of people I never try to offend: Nurses and waitstaff.

The place was packed and a man paying for his check while we were waiting to be seated, was sporting a Rambo knife that was inch or two away from being a short sword. It's Appleby's, man, who is going to challenge you to a knife fight at a family restaurant? Leave the deer sticker in the truck, Saint George.

He gave me that "look," then about six more people gave me that "look." You know, that "is he from Mars?" stare. I don't get this Long Island anymore, I didn't get this by Yosemite last year and I didn't get that anywhere else, but one other restaurant. Was this an omen?

We got the indifferent waitress from hell, as opposed to the overt waitress from hell. The kitchen was backed up, so it took awhile for everyone to get their food. The problem was that the waitress didn't want to give us our check, I mean she really didn't want to give our check.

After fifteen minutes of her taking orders and avoiding eye contact with us, we were beginning to wonder if she wanted us to skip out on our bill. At the sixteenth minute, I asked the assistant manager for our check and he asked her to give it us. She kept this up for another eight minutes and the assistant manager saw us sitting there, and he asked her again.

Then the manager started his shift and we asked him for our check and then, she finally relented...thirty f**k*ng minutes after we were done with lunch. Karma where is thy sting?

Coming when I get around to it, "Mermaids And Shirley Temples."

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Blogger Coaster Punchman said...

Procrastinator Junior and I have something in common. I used to be dragged along on my parents' little vacations and I was fine as long as my demand for a motel pool was met. Which it usually was because my mom liked them too.

I totally would have skipped on that check - are you kidding me? Even if she would have had to eat it, she deserved it. Although I admire you for not making that choice in front of Procrast Jr.

Sat Oct 06, 06:29:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


It's a tradition in my family to drag the kids and they better not be kicking or screaming (Junior can, if he wants to, though).

As far as the check? You do know me as "Mr. Role Model." I've always been honest, I was raised that way.

Let's look at this from a writer's perspective:

The emergency exit which was just four booths away. How far would I have gotten?

The only African-Americans I saw were at the restaurant and at a Wal-Mart. I saw a Filipino couple at the town that will be mentioned in Part IV. I stick out like nobody's business and even if I didn't, all the police would have to do is look for an interracial couple.

Not to mention we were staying two blocks away from the restaurant.

Sat Oct 06, 02:45:00 PM PDT  
Blogger deadspot said...

"Leave the deer sticker in the truck, Saint George." Nice.

Mon Oct 08, 07:41:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


Thank you very much.

Mon Oct 08, 08:01:00 AM PDT  
Blogger jewgirl said...

your adventures are quite hilarious. love the pocket SWORD. hot damn.

what's the deal with the waitress? did you ever find out why she was so against giving you your check? that is the most bizzare thing I've ever heard.

Can't wait for mermaids and shirley temples

Mon Oct 08, 08:20:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


"what's the deal with the waitress? did you ever find out why she was so against giving you your check? that is the most bizzare thing I've ever heard."

I was discussing The Missus how the kitchen was being unfair to the waitstaff, though I don't know if she overheard or misheard that.

I don't know if she did like us being a mixed couple; she had bad service for everyone, regardless of race, though she only did the check thing to us.

Maybe she was jealous of the Missus, maybe she was jealous of me. All I know is that if the DMV had a draft similar to those of sports, she would go number one, overall.

Mon Oct 08, 08:39:00 AM PDT  

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