Random Musings, Bruisings & Aloe-scented Soothings
This used to be “a forum on how to avoid writing OR the blank page.” While I wasn’t aspiring to be an Artful Writer http://artfulwriter.com/ or a Fun Joel
http://funjoel.blogspot.com/ I still needed a little more interaction for the discussions I had in mind.
So, no problem. I’ve changed the blog description as if it was test marketed in Canoga Park. I've retooled, changed the paradigm, thought both inside and outside the box, added non-styrofoam peanuts, hired on the same firm that CNN uses to poll, etc, etc...
Onward and upward or, sideways as the case may be:
To borrow a down-home phrase, women are harder than Chinese arithmetic. Except in theory, I could comprehend both Chinese and arithmetic in this lifetime.
I don’t want to walk the seven feet necessary to grab the Bartlett’s and look this up verbatim (BAD, BAD, LAZY WRITER!), but isn’t it “youth is wasted on the young?” They do not study the classics because I can remember a time not too long ago when even a bad Mars Blackmon-impression at least warranted a grin.
You’ve been forewarned, Black & Decker is trying to do away with husbands. They now have a device that opens jars http://www.blackanddeckerappliances.com/category-207.html.
You’re thinking, “so?” So? So think about it. All the other contraptions that they’ve invented that can replace you in the, er,....boudoir. Then couple that with the fact that even as we speak, they are probably inventing a machine that will both lift heavy things AND furniture. You’re out on your ass come Christmas of 2007, pal! I can cook and do my own laundry, so I’m two steps ahead of you.
No, you cannot stay with me.
http://funjoel.blogspot.com/ I still needed a little more interaction for the discussions I had in mind.
So, no problem. I’ve changed the blog description as if it was test marketed in Canoga Park. I've retooled, changed the paradigm, thought both inside and outside the box, added non-styrofoam peanuts, hired on the same firm that CNN uses to poll, etc, etc...
Onward and upward or, sideways as the case may be:
To borrow a down-home phrase, women are harder than Chinese arithmetic. Except in theory, I could comprehend both Chinese and arithmetic in this lifetime.
I don’t want to walk the seven feet necessary to grab the Bartlett’s and look this up verbatim (BAD, BAD, LAZY WRITER!), but isn’t it “youth is wasted on the young?” They do not study the classics because I can remember a time not too long ago when even a bad Mars Blackmon-impression at least warranted a grin.
You’ve been forewarned, Black & Decker is trying to do away with husbands. They now have a device that opens jars http://www.blackanddeckerappliances.com/category-207.html.
You’re thinking, “so?” So? So think about it. All the other contraptions that they’ve invented that can replace you in the, er,....boudoir. Then couple that with the fact that even as we speak, they are probably inventing a machine that will both lift heavy things AND furniture. You’re out on your ass come Christmas of 2007, pal! I can cook and do my own laundry, so I’m two steps ahead of you.
No, you cannot stay with me.
Labels: R.M.B.A.S.
posted by Writeprocrastinator at 4:55 AM
5 Comments:
when they attach the rotating spinning battery powered massage head to appliances THEN we are doomed....
I was misinformed when I read in what was either someone's online column or blog that Black & Decker made a "back massager." But I don't see one on their website.
Nevertheless, I will stand by my declaration that we're still screwed and Black & Decker is the company behind it. When they ran a "jar opener" ad on the Food Network, I could just see the Missus contemplating how I would fit in the recycle bin.
Once we are all kicked out of the house, there is no one to tell is not buy tools anymore and thus, we will quintuple their sales.
It's true - there is a hostile spousal takeover planned. I believe Black & Decker and As Seen On TV are the masterminds behind it. There is, of course, the aforementioned jar opener from B&D. And have we forgotten about the Moving Men Furniture Sliders? As Seen On TV sells those AND a surprisingly broad selection of massagers.
Once you're out roaming unleashed on the aisles of Home Depot, the revenues from tools sales are definitely projected to increase. And since you'll be allowed to watch more sports, porn and TV in general, think of all the Flowbees, Ab Scissors and Bacon Magic Waves that will be ordered from As Seen On TV!
Don't worry - you're generally safe for the time being. But once we've figured out the whole Immaculate Conception thing... be very afraid.
And yet all men still seem to be holding out for the Pam Andersons and Britney Spearses of the world. Rude awakening - coming soon to a world near you!
H.H,
Thanks for stopping by, thanks for the link and I linked you back.
Most importantly, thanks for discovering the "second bullet" so-to-speak with As Seen On TV. I never saw that coming and I hope you are not drummed out of any associations or shunned because you tipped us off.
"But once we've figured out the whole Immaculate Conception thing... be very afraid."
Women won't even have to go that far, there's nothing a man won't do for a good meal.
Becka,
"And yet all men still seem to be holding out for the Pam Andersons and Britney Spearses of the world."
Hey, don’t worry, K-Fed will be a free agent any minute now.
Seriously, if those two are a man’s criteria than that man is not marriage-material, but alimony-material. A man that wants to marry a psuedo-stripper just wants a stripper, period. The same kind of man that will call a woman names if she puts on two pounds in five years and in those same five years, he'll let himself go to the point that he looks like he's perpetually seven months pregnant.
I’ve known too many cats like that in life and most of them are either on their second or third marriage. Or they just get bitter and burned out because they can’t quite mature enough to sustain a relationship.
If you've dodged a knucklhead like that, consider yourself blessed. Wait for what feels right and what you know is right as opposed to whatever is available right now.
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