Thursday, February 02, 2006

Random Musings, Bruisings & Aloe-scented Soothings #3

Remember, you can’t spell “esoteric” without “t-o-e.”

A once Christmas-only phenomenon is now unfortunately, a year around thing. Yet, it’s so simple that you don’t have a degree in physics or even be a high school graduate to grasp this:
You cannot have the parking place or enter the crowded subway car until the person occupying that particular space, leaves.

You can’t spell “esoteric” without “Eric” either. I swear, the bastard is up in everything.

Just before Dashiell Hammett’s writing career really took off, he had a job writing ad copy for Albert S. Samuels Jewelers, a San Francisco jewelry company that was still going strong into the eighties. A jewelry company in the eastern part of the San Francisco Bay or “East Bay” as we call it here, used to have the slogan:
“Your friend in the diamond business, the (insert owner’s name) Company.”

I looked the company up on the web and they have stores in twelve states all together. So...someone talked the owner into changing the slogan for the radio ads and whoever this person is, I guarantee that they will not become the next Dashiell Hammett.
(insert same owner’s name). He’s dull, but he’s brilliant!”

I was tempted all of five seconds to go the "Half-naked Thursday" route to increase the blog's readership, but I imagine pictures of me would scare away a million times more readers than they would attract. Still, my calves? Toned...developed...you'd swear that they have implants. But calves are not the milkshake that brings all the ladies to the yard.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Maddie said...

My milkshake brings all the hobos to the yard.

Thu Feb 02, 11:14:00 PM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Woo-hoo, I've been "Pants-ed" and I love it!

"My milkshake brings all the hobos to the yard."

Heh-heh-heh, and the 7-11 Clerks too...

http://melliferouspants.blogspot.com/2005/12/two-packs-of-camel-turkish-jade-lights.html

Fri Feb 03, 08:59:00 AM PST  
Blogger is that so wrong? said...

I think I know the jewelry store commercials you're talking about. Kind of low-budget, like a step above a high school video productions class? The ones where you see all of the employees standing around in their glass-cabinet jewelery store like a class photo, happily smiling and waving to a camera perched on the ceiling? Those women models wearing bright red shoulder-padded blazers with a frozen expression of sexy-but-I-could-be-a-mannequin? I thought they were only in Burlingame. Turns out they're in New Jersey too.... it was trippy to hear that same narrator when I accidentally caught the commerical on TV.

Fri Feb 03, 08:10:00 PM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Hey I.T.S.W,

Thanks for stopping by! I believe you're talking about the Jewelry Exchange and you got the Steppford Salespeople down perfectly. They're in Jersey, too? Yikes!

The "dull but brilliant" owner that I'm talking about, well...let's try this. His name is the same one-word titled film that starred Alan Ladd and Jack Palance. The little blond child co-star cried out the name of Ladd's character over and over as Ladd rode off into the sunset.

It strikes me odd that someone who could own that vast of a retail empire can't realize that he's been sold a set of the emperor's new clothes.

Fri Feb 03, 09:43:00 PM PST  
Blogger Katie Schwartz said...

I love your titles.

Sat Feb 04, 09:14:00 AM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

"I love your titles."

Thanks for coming by Katie, and thanks for the compliment. Not as much as I love yours, "Suit Daddy of Doom" is worthy of The Beats and Hipsters.

Sat Feb 04, 10:00:00 AM PST  

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