Disney, Give Pixar What They Want!

I took Procrastinator Jr. to see "Chicken Little." Yes, he has his dad's bad work habits, though he's ten times smarter than I was at that age and he will be a combination of Dashiell Hammett and Albert Einstein when he reaches adulthood. Gets it from the Missus.

Depending on your point of view, the peril or boon of a non-Pixar Disney film lately, is sleep. Sweet, blissful, uninterrupted sleep though not so much if you have to watch the kid. He's nine, so he wakes me up with a popcorn kernel in each nostril when the credits roll or if it's time for a bathroom break. Getting back to the point, I almost fell asleep three times before the baseball scene in "Chicken Little" and it wasn't the fault of the cast or the quality of the animation.

Zach Branff was pretty damn good, Garry Marshall was brilliant and Amy Sedaris was funny though you won't know who she was until the credits. Joan Cusack and Steve Zahn were phoning it in because they were doing the exact same roles as they've done in other kid's films and their parts were severely lacking. Even Wallace Shawn was just going through the motions and anyone who has seen in him shine in "The Princess Bride" or lift "My Dinner With Andre" onto his shoulders like Atlas on "the Clear," knows this guy don't just mail it in. Yet, he did just that.

Why did this happen? Because the writers didn't tighten the script nor did Disney want them to even try to. This was a project that the corporation knew would make oodles of money in this holiday slot and would recoup any money spent on ads by virtue of the DVD revenue. It was a sloppy, by-the-numbers whiff at mediocrity and the end product seemed like one big, overcooked pot of Disney leftovers. I haven't seen such a sub-par film from Disney since "Home on The Range" where I was out cold for thirty minutes and Procrastinator Jr. took the opportunity to empty my wallet and spend nearly $200 on Yu-gi-oh cards.

Disney's features are on a slow, downward spiral and they're limping toward the dreaded sleep-infested "Scooby Doo 2" territory. I only saw the first fifteen minutes of the aptly named "Doo 2" and its end credits, period. This is how you entertain the future of our country, Disney? Don't make me get Sexual Chocolate out here to sing "The Greatest Love of All."

Hell, the only non-Pixar Disney film Procrastinator Jr. has liked since "Holes" was "Brother Bear" and the Eisner/Jobs feud is allegedly Scooby Doo, I mean yellow water, under the bridge. Please, negotiate with Pixar and give them something to go on. Or at least lock up another film beyond "Cars" because my son will be a teenager by then ; )

But most importantly, please, give children something to be inspired by, Disney. Not something that's going to lull them into a stupor and push the parents to the brink of nearly irreversible comas. A snoring, slightly overweight man with his tongue lolling out is not a pretty sight nor is a house full of Yu-gi-oh cards. You can inspire a generation and in turn, have a new generation that will write greater stories and give you even greater profits.