Saturday, April 28, 2007

Yes, I Still Have A Farmer's Tan

"Why," you ask? I'll get to that in a moment. But first, to the owners or parent corporation of Raging Waters San Jose (empahsis, not the employees)...

A) Pop some Altoids, Tic-Tacs or whatever you got.

B) Put on some lipstick or lip balm.

C) Now go "mwaah-mwaah."

D) Get your lips nice and limber...

E) ...and kiss my hairy ass.

So once again, if there's any confusion for the owners or parent corporation of Raging Waters San Jose (empahsis, not the employees), refer to letter "E." If you, the owners or parent corporation of Raging Waters San Jose, want me to spend dime one of the two-hundred and fifty or more dollars that I annually plunk down in your establishment, refer to letter "E."

Maybe it was my fault in assuming (why is Mel Brooks ringing in my ear?) that since the park is always open this time of year (unless it's raining) that it would be open to the public. I even called your automated line for directions, which at that point you could've then mentioned that the park would be closed today to the public for a private party...before I drove more than a hundred miles and got my son's hopes up.

So as long as Junior and I made the trip, we went to Paramount's Great America, where in a pique of anger with the owners or parent corporation of Raging Waters San Jose, I bought the two of us, two season passes to Paramount's Great America. Granted, their water park doesn't open until Labor Day, but the rest of the park is open on weekends right now. Em-pha-fucking-sis, open.

So, to the owners or parent corporation of Raging Waters San Jose? To paraphrase an old Chicagoan saying, "kiss my ass early, kiss it often." Unless Paramount owns you too, then you've got my wallet, regardless.

6 Comments:

Blogger John said...

Sory to hear that. I don't have any kids...that I know of {{rimshot}}, but I know this sort of thing must be annoying. Try this...
http://geekdad.org/

There are some neat dad and kid projects in the archives.

JDC

Sun Apr 29, 10:38:00 AM PDT  
Blogger angel said...

and here i thought south africa was the only placewhere shit like that happened!

Sun Apr 29, 12:47:00 PM PDT  
Blogger BeckEye said...

Was there a moose out front to tell you it was closed?

Sun Apr 29, 02:29:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Johnny Dollars,

Any kid wearing bowties and suspenders at too young an age for that, is on the list. I couldn't find anything in the archives, but I'm not the most tech proficient.

Angel,

That happens on a regular basis over there???

Becka,

Dang, I completely forgot about that, I should've gone Clark Griswold on them! No, just a small standup sign and we were lucky that no one came speeding around the corner, as I had to turn around, and come back the way I came.

Sun Apr 29, 03:00:00 PM PDT  
Blogger "jew" "girl" said...

fan-fuckin-tastic post, wp! love the (e). with six flags you get roller coasters and water rides.

ya such a great fathah!

Sun Apr 29, 08:13:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Katie-lah,

"ya such a great fathah!"

Only because I passed up the NFL Draft for this ; )

Sun Apr 29, 08:55:00 PM PDT  

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