Tuesday, May 22, 2007

"Dagwood Vs. The Mailman"

Be forewarned, if you've heard some of these musings somewhere else, that's not my intention. This is just crap that popped into my head and undoubtedly, someone else has come up with similar thoughts or sentiments...

For those of you who are recent to this blog: if you work a 9-5, Monday through Friday, my work day starts eleven hours ahead of yours. I go to work on Sunday night and throughout my work week, I get the night-time equivalent of a Sunday drivers. This drives the blood pressure up a few points and the tires and brakes get a good workout.

The flip side is that on my way home, I get my schadenfreude on, watching the looks on the faces of the work populace as they crawl into work. Ah, good stuff and sometimes it gets me hungry. So the car needed gas and this coincided with my craving for over-priced bad danishes...you know what? Just as with "french fries," you sure as hell know that the Danish don't call them "Danishes."

So I gets me a cherry "pastry that originated from a country just north of Germany" and my mind drifts from near misses in cars, to "pedestrian on pedestrian" near misses. Then by the time I'm in the garage, I have "Dagwood" on my mind. In specific, his collisions with the mailman. Now, consider this, Michael Stipe, what time does your mailman typically show up in your neighborhood?

Mine hits my apartment building anytime from 11:30 AM to 5:10 PM. I realize that in some jurisdictions, some postal workers arrive at the post office and mail distribution centers extra early. But they have to load the bags in carriers, cars, and vans. Then they have to get to your neighborhood and find a space to park, etc...

Basically, my point is that I've never seen a mailman deliver mail before 11:00 AM, anywhere in the United States. Your mileage may vary (and please, let me know), but what I want to know is just why the hell is Dagwood running late, if he doesn't have to get up until 10AM? Surely it shouldn't take him more than an hour to get ready and why doesn't Blondie hit him up with a Super Soaker, if he doesn't? Aversion therapy, Ladies and Gentlemen, he'll get up on time after that.

Then there's the mailman, you know he carries mace or pepper spray because of the dogs...or hopefully nothing stronger, because in real life he would've gone postal on Dagwood by now. Ladies and Gentlemen, "Blondie" has been around over half a century, I remember the mailman collisions from the films and the comic strip had to be around at least a few years before the film.

So, "Mr. Unknown Mailman," just how many times do you need your bell rung, for you to "spice" up Dagwood's life with a little capsicum in the face? Or are you too concussed to care? Or is this some new kind of deviant behaviour that even the most diligent sexologist has failed to diagnose?

By the way, according to the IMDB, the "mailman" is "Mr Beazley" and I've never seen that spelling him my life. You know that he's punch drunk if he's substituting "Z" for "S" and don't make excuses that could be dyslexic, he wouldn't have made it past his probationary period from all the misdelivered mail.



Blogger Coaster Punchman said...

I too enjoy pondering the Great Mysteries such as the Dagwood/Mailman conundrum.

Tue May 22, 08:14:00 AM PDT  
Blogger "jew" "girl" said...

that is so funny. what a deliciously quirky thing to ponder hopped up on danish.

Tue May 22, 06:26:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Beth said...

Maybe he uses Z because he spends those hours before 11 a.m. ZZZZZZZZZing ...

I wish I worked your hours.

Tue May 22, 08:00:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


Absolutely one of the greatest mysteries of all time.


Ah, but the icing didn't kick in yet.


I was wondering about Dagwood, is it the "Z's" or the sandwiches that contribute to his insomnia?

Tue May 22, 08:59:00 PM PDT  
Blogger deadspot said...

The flip side of that question is why the mailman is showing up at the Bumstead house so early? Maybe he's making a different kind of delivery, and macing Dagwood on his doorstep at 9:15 would just bring unwanted attention.

For your edification: the top google hit for Blondie Bumstead. Skip past the first few paragraphs of administrivia, and you get right into girl-on-girl massage parlor action ripped from the Sunday funnies. That Blondie... she's a pip.

Thu May 24, 06:23:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


Holy Cannoli, you're a regular Detective Goren (L & O, Criminal Intent)!

That also explains why he's putting up with Dagwood running into him, some odd penance for his trysts with Blondie.

That picture from the link was pretty racy stuff for a Sunday paper.

Thu May 24, 05:35:00 PM PDT  
Blogger angel said...

aaah- now this is just one of the reasons i read your blog dude! who else woulda noticed this!!?!

Sun May 27, 09:30:00 AM PDT  
Blogger angel said...

and i just lurv custard danishes!

Sun May 27, 09:31:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


Anyone else who has too much mental time on their hands, as my job leaves me plenty of time to contemplate both the wonderous and the inane. Do they call them Danishes in South Africa, as well?

It's the one pastry that is nearly impossible to ruin.

Sun May 27, 08:25:00 PM PDT  

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