Sigh. No, This Time I Mean It...
[Ante Scriptum...
Folks have been giving me credit for this meme (yes, I realize, not on purpose) and that would be nice, except that Dead Spot is the proper author.]
I said in the post below, that I'm done with posting for the next three days. Well, I should've just gone to bed and instead? I got tagged. Dead Spot caught me unawares and said...
"For this meme, I'm going to ask you to answer three (hopefully not dumb) questions: What is the dumbest question you ever been asked? Why was it it dumb? And, even though it won't help, because answering a dumb question never does, what's the answer? (Or, as I like to think of them: The Big Dumb Question, The Big Dumb Reason, and The Big Dumb Answer.)"
I'm going with one that's easy than the paragraph that was here a second ago, because I'm ready to do my impression of Rip Van Winkle.
If you read this, you would remember this passage in which I said...
Of the fifty states in America, the only one where I wouldn't stick out is Hawaii.
It's 1989 and I'm stuck in a check stand, in a Safeway (that's a supermarket chain), in a nasty little suburb east of San Francisco...hell, I'll just crib it off myself here...
I am a person of color, many colors actually and I'm not saying which, at this time. If you saw me, you wouldn't get half of my racial makeup correct and if someone comes off at me, a little narrow-minded, I will make it a point not to tell them just what those races are. The worst example of this was back in '89 when I was a checker at Safeway and a woman asked me, "what are you?"
Me: I'm a human being.
Odd Woman: I know that, what are you?
Me: I'm an American. (to the Head Checker) I'm going on break.
Odd Woman: No, where were you born?
Me: San Francisco.
Odd Woman: No, where were your parents born?
Me: In America.
The Odd Woman followed me back to just short of the break room and I didn't say another word to her. It seems insensitive now, but you have to realize that she wasn't gonna be happy until she put me into a category. I don't fall into a category, not for the census and not for her with that tone.
So let's recap...
"The Big Dumb Question" is "what are you?"
"The Big Dumb Reason" is I don't want to be defined by a category, when people find it necessary to put me in a category, in order to accept me.
"The Big Dumb Answer" is....
...it's not up there, is it?
Do you really want to know?
I'm mean, I don't know if you can handle this.
Naw, I don't think you can.
Let me say this then: Chow mein, pineapple, ribs, matzo balls, and sauerkraut.
That's right, I'm indigestion.
Clarifications will not be forthcoming, though you don't have to be D'onofrio on "L&O Criminal Intent," to figure this out.
Who am I tagging? Well, the best online friend in the world always goes first...Katie and Dead Spot already got Becka, so I guess this "tagged for life" thing really isn't working out for us, "Legs." The JDC so he can have a welcome diversion to the epic tome that he's putting together and last but not least, that hot cup of Coffey, that is Beth.
P.S. Here is the JDC's response.
P.P.S. Here is Katie's response.
Folks have been giving me credit for this meme (yes, I realize, not on purpose) and that would be nice, except that Dead Spot is the proper author.]
I said in the post below, that I'm done with posting for the next three days. Well, I should've just gone to bed and instead? I got tagged. Dead Spot caught me unawares and said...
"For this meme, I'm going to ask you to answer three (hopefully not dumb) questions: What is the dumbest question you ever been asked? Why was it it dumb? And, even though it won't help, because answering a dumb question never does, what's the answer? (Or, as I like to think of them: The Big Dumb Question, The Big Dumb Reason, and The Big Dumb Answer.)"
I'm going with one that's easy than the paragraph that was here a second ago, because I'm ready to do my impression of Rip Van Winkle.
If you read this, you would remember this passage in which I said...
Of the fifty states in America, the only one where I wouldn't stick out is Hawaii.
It's 1989 and I'm stuck in a check stand, in a Safeway (that's a supermarket chain), in a nasty little suburb east of San Francisco...hell, I'll just crib it off myself here...
I am a person of color, many colors actually and I'm not saying which, at this time. If you saw me, you wouldn't get half of my racial makeup correct and if someone comes off at me, a little narrow-minded, I will make it a point not to tell them just what those races are. The worst example of this was back in '89 when I was a checker at Safeway and a woman asked me, "what are you?"
Me: I'm a human being.
Odd Woman: I know that, what are you?
Me: I'm an American. (to the Head Checker) I'm going on break.
Odd Woman: No, where were you born?
Me: San Francisco.
Odd Woman: No, where were your parents born?
Me: In America.
The Odd Woman followed me back to just short of the break room and I didn't say another word to her. It seems insensitive now, but you have to realize that she wasn't gonna be happy until she put me into a category. I don't fall into a category, not for the census and not for her with that tone.
So let's recap...
"The Big Dumb Question" is "what are you?"
"The Big Dumb Reason" is I don't want to be defined by a category, when people find it necessary to put me in a category, in order to accept me.
"The Big Dumb Answer" is....
...it's not up there, is it?
Do you really want to know?
I'm mean, I don't know if you can handle this.
Naw, I don't think you can.
Let me say this then: Chow mein, pineapple, ribs, matzo balls, and sauerkraut.
That's right, I'm indigestion.
Clarifications will not be forthcoming, though you don't have to be D'onofrio on "L&O Criminal Intent," to figure this out.
Who am I tagging? Well, the best online friend in the world always goes first...Katie and Dead Spot already got Becka, so I guess this "tagged for life" thing really isn't working out for us, "Legs." The JDC so he can have a welcome diversion to the epic tome that he's putting together and last but not least, that hot cup of Coffey, that is Beth.
P.S. Here is the JDC's response.
P.P.S. Here is Katie's response.
posted by Writeprocrastinator at 9:56 AM
16 Comments:
online bffers for life, baby!
loved your answers. I don't think (for the record), that you were mean in the slightest. I totally get it. people ask me all the time what I am: mexican, indian, coobhan, thpanish, i-talian, but nobody ever thinks romanian jew. being asked can be really annoying if the person asking just wants to clasify you for their little internal rolodex.
I is done wit it.
DJC
Katie-lah,
Exactly.
Johnny Dollars,
Read it, dug it and posted a link to it here.
Here are additional dumb questions.
Where do you get your ideas?
Do you want to have sex with me?
Are you and your sister only children?
Aren't you gay?
Do you like Italian food?
Don't you think wop are good writers?
JDC
Johnny Dollars,
"Where do you get your ideas?"
To be fair, the Missus majored in art at Cooper Union and I ask her how she can just paint like that. To the non-creative mind, creativity seems impossible.
"Do you want to have sex with me?"
Oh, a variation of "your results may vary, depending on usage." Or in this case, who is asking who.
"Are you and your sister only children?"
Holy fucking shit! What crack-addled monster asked you that???
"Aren't you gay?"
I reiterate, "What crack-addled monster asked you that???"
"Do you like Italian food?"
Yes, Italians and Chinese have to endure this dumb ice-breaker all the time. By the way, I have yet to meet someone who didn't love Italian food.
"Don't you think wops are good writers?"
Ah yes, good old racial-baiting to get your goat.
I'll get mine done sometime this weekend. I know what I want to write ... I just to to write it ... and dig out the accompanying photo. Because what's a post without the accompanying photo?
— The Last/Not Least Chick
"Don't you think wops are good writers?"
That came from a bookseller when I bought the novelization of The Shadow movie. Italian writer and she thought wop was ok to pigeon-hole him.
"Aren't you gay?"
I've had this one a couple times because I like to shop and decorate my home. I also am thoughtful and considerate (I know gay men who aren't - shesh). Some women will assume since they are used to (and like) the malcontent dogs they date. I had this from two female friends (close friends) I was trying to sleep with. They figured I was in the closet because they couldn't figure out why I was so persistent and nice. Maybe I should shoot for girls with higher self-esteem, but they were hot redheads.
"Do you want to have sex with me?"
I've been asked that a couple of times by girls and I always stare like a dog who hears an odd sound. I'm a guy! OF COURSE I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. Food and sex are automatic affirmatives when it comes to men (I am generalizing).
"Where do you get your ideas?"
I hate this question. Usually it is someone who has read my horror and they think I keep a pocket filled with several women's fingers as inspiration. Sometimes a story will pop in and I have no idea. Sometimes I have a clear chain-of-evidence on where it came from. I never tell people my dreams because that is MURKY territory at best. I had one where I keep a large fish in a cage. No water, it just swam in the air and had sharp teeth. No idea where that came from. Tim dreams about Bigfoot in a dress. No idea where that comes from and I am a little frightened as a result. REALLY!
On the drive home I thought of a funny/perverted joke to put in a romcom, but I can't because I don't want people to think I thought that perverse thing up.
Ask Katie where her ideas come from.
JDC
I didn't know deadspot tagged me, but I reread his post and I see he sneakily tagged "everyone" on his blogroll. I'll either play dumb or get around to it over the weekend.
Beth,
"Because what's a post without the accompanying photo?"
Why, that would be pretty much every post on this blog ; ) I'm looking forward to the meme and 2008 will be "year of the meme," so we'll look forward to it then.
Johnny Dollars,
I also know plenty of gays that don't have fashion sense and aren't witty all day.
"Food and sex are automatic affirmatives when it comes to men (I am generalizing)."
Naw, that is the standard.
No matter what you write, people will project your scribblings onto you, because they can't wrap their minds around imagination and empathy.
Becka,
Yep, that's why I was sorry that I went there that day...although, nothing compells me to do memes besides myself.
ok, it's the 15th, wp, and you posted on the 14th, so that means you're due back on the 17th, right?
Katie-lah,
Like I said on the post below...
"See you Monday or on your blog."
that takes the cake dude... i have honestly never looked at someone and wondered what their "origins" are...
fyi: it's the 17th. I'm just sayin'
Angel,
No one is just one race, wars and man's urge to roam made sure of that, centuries ago.
Katie-lah,
Fine, I'll post it tonight.
Well ... I was memed last ... so I answered last ... and it’s finally up.
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