A Movie Meme

The underappreciated Is That So Wrong, dropped a movie meme. It's a pretty good one for fans...and an even better one for screenwriters

1. Popcorn or candy?

I've never been a fan of popcorn. It was too bland for me as a child and I don't like the smell of it as an adult. However, I will eat caramel corn, Crackerjack and the like.

2. Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever.

The Departed. The window to see it was there again, Friday, but I was too tired, and it's looking like wait until it comes out on DVD time again, for a movie that should be seen on the big screen.

3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar: Who loses theirs and to whom?

You've read my arguement that I usually use to stress why the Oscars have nothing to do with what actually was the best film that year. All good film schools teach "Raging Bull," but even the worst ones do not teach "Ordinary People." I use that example because it's tangible, even the lowest of cable channels won't even bother to show "Ordinary People," it didn't stand the test of time and the Academy knew it even back then. Yet in my heart, the worst travesty ever was the second one put upon Martin Scorsese. The one in which "Dances With Wolves" beat out "Goodfellas" for both Best Director and Best Picture." I'm not trying to discount "Dances," I'm just saying that it isn't remotely in the same category.

4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe.

A suit of samurai armor from "Ran" and watch me out-Mifune, Belushi as a samurai.

5. Your favorite film franchise is....

I'm not a huge fan of sequels and I give prequels a little more leeway. So obviously, I'm picking "The Fast And The Furious." Right, Todd? No seriously, even though I still don't own the trilogy on DVD, I'd have to pick "The Godfather Saga." Obviously on the basis of the first two movies. Sofia didn't stink as much as the critics said she did.

6. Invite five movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why'd you invite them? What do you feed them?

First, it wouldn't be five people. Second, I would have to come out of retirement as a cook, as I've only cooked about six times since Procrastinator Jr. has been born. Carpaccio as the appetizer. Four small, different dishes of pasta for the second course and for the main? I'll have to ask Mr. Martin Scorsese and Ms. Thelma Schoonmaker just what they would like.

They are a duo that knows all that there is to know about filmmaking, life and greatness. Maybe William Monahan could be there too, so that we could find out what it's like to colloborate with Scorsese and just what Jurassic Park IV is going to be about.

7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cell phones in the movie theater?

As I explained to one Mr. Mernit on his blog, a cattle prod would be the best way to go. Give everyone fair warning on a poster and the waiver for the theater will be on the back of the tickets. A stun gun would knock the people out, but no one can withstand a cattle prod and the arcing electrical discharge from the thing, coupled with the danse macbre-lite, would discourage anyone else from even thinking about it.

8. Choose a female bodyguard: Ripley from Aliens. Mystique from X-Men. Sarah Connor from Terminator 2. The Bride from Kill Bill. Mace from Strange Days.

My first instinct was Ripley because as I've witnessed over the years at my job, height and weight discourage idiots. Most people stopped bothering me thirty pounds ago and while Sigorney is slight, she's six feet tall. The Bride is out, nobody fears blondes and a good bodyguard should discourage things from the onset.

Sarah Connor had only one speed, angry. That can create more problems than it solves. So I would go with Mace. She was pretty much invincible until Kathryn Bigelow had the L.A.P.D. do a Rodney King on her. Plus, she's the only one of the four characters that has actually done the job.

9. What's the scariest thing you've ever seen in a movie?

"I'm both...a...doctor...and...a...lawyer."

Carre Otis in "Wild Orchid"

No, I haven't the slightest idea. I have a talent for putting traumatic things out of my head and if you had my family, it's a skill that you would possess too. Familial Darwinism.

10. Your favorite genre (excluding "comedy" and "drama") is....

Noir. Comedy is the distant second and drama can come along for the ride.

11. You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power?

No concepts or half-baked pitches, only scripts that are completed and ready to go. How many times have you seen a movie and thought to yourself, "all the good parts I saw were already in the two minute trailer." That's because too many movies are just trailers and not films.

12. Bonnie or Clyde?

There has to be both, they are the yin and yang of crime. From a story standpoint, they complimented each other to the point that I doubt one wanted to outlive the other.

13. Who am I tagging to answer this survey?

Gian Don, My Best Online Friend Forever and the Birthday Girl, because I want to know how professionals would answer this meme.

The Raspberry Meme Queen, whom I still owe a meme. Beth, Haahnster and anybody else who reads this, feel free.