Help Me To Help Her...
Nicole Richie called me up yesterday morning...
"Cochran's dead and Allred won't have anything to do with me. Help me, Write Procrastinator, you're my only hope!"
I told her, "hey, Nicole...I can't save you. I can't even saave myself! So just save yourself!"
At any rate, she keeps ringing me and it's gotten so bad that I have to turn my cell phone off. Not to mention that the Missus is now looking at me sideways. So help me come up with an effective defense for Nicole so that she would stop calling me. Should she go with:
A) Ate one whole apple and not only went into shock, but sugar shock as well.
B) Tainted spinach.
C) "Vicodin? Paris Hilton told me that they were asprin!"
D) The latest fad in L.A. is to "trip" off of E. coli-laced Taco Bell onions.
E) "If you had to listen to my father's music as much as I have, you'd drive the wrong way down the freeway, too."
Post Scriptum, Katie came up with...
F) She was traumatized because Joel Madden forced her to have a threesome with Hillary Duff.
"Cochran's dead and Allred won't have anything to do with me. Help me, Write Procrastinator, you're my only hope!"
I told her, "hey, Nicole...I can't save you. I can't even saave myself! So just save yourself!"
At any rate, she keeps ringing me and it's gotten so bad that I have to turn my cell phone off. Not to mention that the Missus is now looking at me sideways. So help me come up with an effective defense for Nicole so that she would stop calling me. Should she go with:
A) Ate one whole apple and not only went into shock, but sugar shock as well.
B) Tainted spinach.
C) "Vicodin? Paris Hilton told me that they were asprin!"
D) The latest fad in L.A. is to "trip" off of E. coli-laced Taco Bell onions.
E) "If you had to listen to my father's music as much as I have, you'd drive the wrong way down the freeway, too."
Post Scriptum, Katie came up with...
F) She was traumatized because Joel Madden forced her to have a threesome with Hillary Duff.
posted by Writeprocrastinator at 9:00 AM
16 Comments:
"Those crotch shots of Britney and Paris drove me to drink."
wp, you have outdone yourself! too funny!
here's another defense. (love al sensu's).
she was traumatized because joel madden forced her to have a threesome with hillary duff.
ps::: you're tagged:
http://katieschwartz.blogspot.com/2006/12/6-weird-things-you-dont-know-about-me.html
You redeemed the Linkin Park reference with not one, but five glorious punchlines.
I like choice E, WP. You can call it the "Penny Lover Defense". I really can't stand that song and any jury that had to listen to it would acquit in a minute.
Al Sens,
Welcome and thanks for dropping by. I'm still on the fence as to their effect and the pics don't do for me what they would in 3D.
Katie,
That's a good one and I put it up. Yikes, I've got to get holiday immunity from tags! I'll get to it tonight or tomorrow morning.
James,
"You redeemed the Linkin Park reference with not one, but five glorious punchlines."
Thanks, but that wasn't L.P, it was Stabbing Westward.
Chelene,
"Penny Lover?" How about, "Is It Me Your Looking For?" or "Dancing On The Ceiling" which took him all of a minute and fifteen seconds to write the lyrics to that "classic."
I know you've heard of the Oedipus complex, Lionel Richie is the master of the Oedipus effect. Three of his songs in a row and you want to put needles through your own eyes.
Nicole's dad raised her to think it was ok to dance on the ceiling, so it only makes sense that she would drive on the wrong side of the road. And instead of swallowing food down, she vomits it all back up. The girl is just all backwards. Someone needs to tell her it's Opposite Day and maybe she'll gain some weight and stay out of trouble.
I would go with E, the music and then with B for Beckeye's comments. Perfect sense.
Becka,
"The girl is just all backwards. Someone needs to tell her it's Opposite Day and maybe she'll gain some weight and stay out of trouble."
Absolutely, she does leave a cartoon existence. Say, if Nicole is SpongeBob, does that make Paris, Patrick?
Dale,
Did they overplay Lionel in Canada, back in the day?
Hello? Is it me you're looking for? Oh man, there's no escape.
"Hello? Is it me you're looking for? Oh man, there's no escape."
I thought the Canadian Government took a more active role in protecting their people, you'd thought they would've banned him along time ago.
Please don't compare Nicole and Paris to Spongebob and Patrick or I'll have to go all Hash Slinging Slasher on your ass.
"Please don't compare Nicole and Paris to Spongebob and Patrick or I'll have to go all Hash Slinging Slasher on your ass."
Becka,
Mash singing, I mean, hash bringing, I mean, Nosferatu. Hey, I did hear Paris yelling "pinkie! Pinkie!" one time.
maybe she should do them one after the other?
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