Sunday, July 08, 2007

A Few Observations

No B.S.

Follow this equation ------> Greasy HomeTown Buffet food + Absolut Peach = NeoCon-type Nightmares. I'm not going into detail, but if you want to write like Stephen King, give it a try.

Absolute Peach is not...a "peach" that is. It needs something more "peachy," maybe peach schnapps?

Lounging on the stomach of the Missus in the morning, there's one fact that I seem to remember and forget every two years or so: I had never dated a woman with an "outie." This morning I delved deeper and I mulled it over. Here we are in the age of the "baby T-shirt" and blouses that seem two sizes too small, and I haven't seen a woman with an outie in ages.

Not that I dig outies, but they used to exist and certainly not all women can afford to cosmetic surgery, so where did the women with the outies go to?

13 Comments:

Blogger Chris said...

Now that you mention it, I haven't witnessed an outie in ages. A girl who lived down the street from me growing up had one, but that's lke twenty-five years ago.

Sun Jul 08, 01:34:00 PM PDT  
Blogger BeckEye said...

Probably because most girls who get bellybutton piercings have innies, and they're usually the ones who waltz around in baby doll tees. The outie girls have been shamed into covering up.

Sun Jul 08, 02:09:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Rhetorically Sterculian said...

Perhaps you should rephrase your observation; "No woman sporting an 'outie' has ever dated me."
This may give them the ego boost necessary to seek you out?

Sun Jul 08, 03:15:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Chris,

That's what I'm saying, ya know?

Becka,

In the age of Hilton, surely there's some woman who thinks that she's God's gift and will bear her distended navel.

Sterculian,

What part of "the Circulon fury of The Missus" don't you understand?

Sun Jul 08, 07:53:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Beth said...

I wish I had an outie to show off. Yeah, like I'm gonna be caught outside my bedroom wearing a girlie T.

Sun Jul 08, 09:04:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Beth

"I wish I had an outie to show off. Yeah, like I'm gonna be caught outside my bedroom wearing a girlie T."

No, you do the vanishing pants misdirection instead ; )

Mon Jul 09, 07:10:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Rhetorically Sterculian said...

Circulon Fury?
What?
She's slippey with a non-stick surface?
Circean Fury I can understand. I'm not sure I'd want to be molecularly rearranged to resemble a pig, at least not with a remake of "Deliverance" in the works.

Mon Jul 09, 08:09:00 AM PDT  
Blogger jewgirl said...

I haven't seen in outie in years either. I wonder where they are... that's a good question. now, I'm all curious and shit.

Mon Jul 09, 04:40:00 PM PDT  
Blogger chelene said...

The answer to everything, as always, is plastic surgery. There's a procedure to make your outie an innie.

Mon Jul 09, 06:26:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Sterculian,

No, refer to "Throw Mama From The Train" and "you're not my cousin Paddy" quote.

Katie-lah,

And you are abdominal show-off capital of the world.

Chelene,

Not everybody could afford to do it, because the surgery should be at least $900 or so.

Mon Jul 09, 08:29:00 PM PDT  
Blogger angel said...

heh heh... they hide them away, or just don't wear short shirts & such.

Tue Jul 10, 11:40:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Dale said...

They're the ones making the tissue boxes. What?

Tue Jul 10, 02:39:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Angel,

In this age of hyper-vanity, there should be just one, just one exposed outie.

Dale,

That makes sense, it is almost like stealth revenge on their part.

Tue Jul 10, 08:53:00 PM PDT  

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