Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Skewering St*rbucks

I go back and forth with this particular chain. I like their coffee, but I don't like how they smack the little coffee shops like around like they are red headed stepchildren. Nonetheless, I am not fond of this particular ad campaign...

"Gesture with gingerbread?" What is so Christmas about that?
Use both of your middle-fingers instead, in order two capture that true Christmas experience.

"Share a snowflake?" Ladies and gentlemen, what did we learn from "Less Than Zero?" Those that do like Julian, wind up like Julian. A "hazy shade of winter," indeed. Just say "hells(sic) no!"

"Make a snow elephant." Ah yes, the end result of their new "J├Ągermeister Triple Latte" that will have you so plastered, that all you will be able to do is writhe in the slush.

"Bring back the bear hug?" Uh, bad idea. This picture seems innocent enough...

...yet, note how skinny the bear is. He hasn't put on the normal weight that bears usually do during winter nor is he hibernating. Let's be honest, he's got a fish habit that he can't kick and hugging you is merely a ruse for him to get at your wallet. Then he will take the contents from it and trade them to those two guys that are ice fishing in the background, for some trout.

"Find a scarf buddy?" Oh, good gravy. Where do I start with this one?

No good will come of this.

At best? We're talking an incident of Three Stooges proportions.

Beyond that? Does the name "Isadora Duncan" ring a bell?

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Blogger Beth said...

Damn. I was hoping you'd be my Scarf Buddy this season.

Wed Dec 19, 10:24:00 AM PST  
Blogger angel said...

woah... do they really have a jaegermeister latte??!?!

Wed Dec 19, 10:44:00 AM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


I will be any kind of buddy that you want, but call me "Meatloaf," because I won't do that.


Listen to my Bing Crosby imitation-

Only in my dreams

Wed Dec 19, 05:25:00 PM PST  
Blogger chelene said...

Those commercials have really been getting on my nerves. I thought I was the only one.

Wed Dec 19, 06:36:00 PM PST  
Blogger BeckEye said...

They should just get to the point and make a sign that says, "Here's some sludge. Fork over $4.00."

Wed Dec 19, 09:00:00 PM PST  
Blogger jewgirl said...

That is so funny. My favorite is "share a snowflake" and the less than zero comment.

is there really a jagermeister latte? I drink urth or pete's. I like coffee that's so butch it puts hair on my chest.

I do hear that starf's makes some mighty fine iced bevys. I might have to give in.

Wed Dec 19, 09:06:00 PM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


Are they taking up entire stations out there, like they are here? I can't say it's the worst campaign ever, but it is annoying as hell.


That's peppermint-flavored sludge to you, Missy.


Living in the land where if the starlets don't run you over, the ensuing papparazzi will, I knew you'd get that.

"is there really a jagermeister latte?"

Naw, though I'm sure some customers add a flask of something to their cup on the way out.

"I drink urth or pete's."

I don't know "urth," but I dig Pete's.

Stay away from their berry-flavored coffee during the summer, nasty stuff. I wanna try the gingerbread and the eggnog, I've already had coffee with peppermint syrup in it and coffee with peppermint Altoids.

Thu Dec 20, 12:14:00 AM PST  
Blogger Quin said...

i will not drink their coffee.

and i'm so with you on the scarf buddy thing... my very first thought was, "gee, what happens when one buddy falls, and the other snaps their neck.. he doesn't die, though...he's only confined to an iron lung. even though they were in love, she's repulsed by his new physical state, yet, the guilt overwhelms her... she'll feel like she has to care for him the rest of his life. they marry, her in a white dress, him in a formal iron lung..with a cute rose pinned on it. they struggle on, he thinks she adores him, she sees men on the side. one night, she's had it... no more of the moving the iron lung around the living room, trying to decorate using it as the centerpiece... she gets a pillow... "

yes, it's a bad advert, and my mind is just too warped.

i need some tea.

Fri Dec 21, 03:22:00 AM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


I think you've been possessed by Bergman's ghost ; )

Fri Dec 21, 07:12:00 AM PST  
Blogger Tanya Espanya said...

I habsolutely LURVE Starbucks. I know, I'm sorry. I love the pink travel cup I bought and I love the different flavoury drinkies. I love them. I just wish they'd open one in our neighbourhood to improve it a little bit.

Sat Dec 22, 10:56:00 AM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


I imagine that your neighborhood is zoned for residential use only, because I can't imagine that there is a corner of the world that doesn't have a Starbucks or a Thai restaurant near it.

Sun Dec 23, 04:18:00 AM PST  

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