Skewering St*rbucks

I go back and forth with this particular chain. I like their coffee, but I don't like how they smack the little coffee shops like around like they are red headed stepchildren. Nonetheless, I am not fond of this particular ad campaign...

"Gesture with gingerbread?" What is so Christmas about that?

Use both of your middle-fingers instead, in order two capture that true Christmas experience.

"Share a snowflake?" Ladies and gentlemen, what did we learn from "Less Than Zero?" Those that do like Julian, wind up like Julian. A "hazy shade of winter," indeed. Just say "hells(sic) no!"

"Make a snow elephant." Ah yes, the end result of their new "Jägermeister Triple Latte" that will have you so plastered, that all you will be able to do is writhe in the slush.

"Bring back the bear hug?" Uh, bad idea. This picture seems innocent enough...

...yet, note how skinny the bear is. He hasn't put on the normal weight that bears usually do during winter nor is he hibernating. Let's be honest, he's got a fish habit that he can't kick and hugging you is merely a ruse for him to get at your wallet. Then he will take the contents from it and trade them to those two guys that are ice fishing in the background, for some trout.




"Find a scarf buddy?" Oh, good gravy. Where do I start with this one?

No good will come of this.

At best? We're talking an incident of Three Stooges proportions.

Beyond that? Does the name "Isadora Duncan" ring a bell?