The Purgatorian Flash Friday Challenge F.F.F. #29
“I never said you were her.”
Good, I have her attention. That’s right, blink at the me with those pretty eyes.
“What I mean is, you could be her, but they are three things missing. You weren’t driven here by the wind gods, there is no gigantic scallop shell underneath your feet and you’re nowhere near nude. Still I could be wrong, you could be Venus, coming down from Mount Olympus to revisit us mortals.”
“Us mortals?” What the hell did that last part come from? You're laying it on thick like concrete on pancakes. See, look how confused she looks?
“I love your eyes, they’re so pretty. The way you gaze at me with them, such intensity. You’re an intense person and I love that, I can appreciate that. It shows that you are as strong as you are beautiful.”
This is it, she’s measuring you with her eyes. Damn. After they get a load of her at work, they'll call me "Action Man."
“Your eyes...they inspire me. They’re so exquisite, yet so inquisitive. I’ll bet that you’re wondering if I could match your intensity and if we could make a connection.”
Oh, God, I sound like my grandfather. Maybe I could break out his Member’s Only jacket and gold chains from storage, yeah. And then I’ll open my shirt down to my waist, that will levitate her libido...idiot!
Oh, wait. All’s not lost, she’s still maintaining eye-contact.
“What I mean is, I want to get to know what is behind those eyes before I’m lost in them for forever.”
Jesus, “for forever?” Smooth move Ex-lax. Hey, look at that smile!
“Jeg ikke taler Engelsk.”*
“Wha? Pardon?”
What did she just say? What the hell language was that? Oh great, you probably called her a skank in whatever she's speaking and you didn’t even know it. Wait, wait, she’s going into her purse. She’s writing down her phone number, but what the the hell are we going to talk about?
Wait a minute, this is perfect! There's no small talk to get in the way and I won't bore her! We’ll have to do all of our talking between the sheets. No, she crossed out what she was going to say!
“I from Norway, I don’t speak English. De synes hyggelig, men De slår det ned.** Um, sorry bye-bye.”
Great, now I’m not Action Man but the Internationaly Shot Down Man. Wave back to her and pretend to smile like you actually have some dignity left.
I wonder if there's anything good on TV tonight?
*I don’t speak English.
** You seem nice, but you need to dial it down.
This was a short story in response to JJ's challenge... http://purgatorian.blogspot.com/2006/03/flash-fiction-friday-29.html
Good, I have her attention. That’s right, blink at the me with those pretty eyes.
“What I mean is, you could be her, but they are three things missing. You weren’t driven here by the wind gods, there is no gigantic scallop shell underneath your feet and you’re nowhere near nude. Still I could be wrong, you could be Venus, coming down from Mount Olympus to revisit us mortals.”
“Us mortals?” What the hell did that last part come from? You're laying it on thick like concrete on pancakes. See, look how confused she looks?
“I love your eyes, they’re so pretty. The way you gaze at me with them, such intensity. You’re an intense person and I love that, I can appreciate that. It shows that you are as strong as you are beautiful.”
This is it, she’s measuring you with her eyes. Damn. After they get a load of her at work, they'll call me "Action Man."
“Your eyes...they inspire me. They’re so exquisite, yet so inquisitive. I’ll bet that you’re wondering if I could match your intensity and if we could make a connection.”
Oh, God, I sound like my grandfather. Maybe I could break out his Member’s Only jacket and gold chains from storage, yeah. And then I’ll open my shirt down to my waist, that will levitate her libido...idiot!
Oh, wait. All’s not lost, she’s still maintaining eye-contact.
“What I mean is, I want to get to know what is behind those eyes before I’m lost in them for forever.”
Jesus, “for forever?” Smooth move Ex-lax. Hey, look at that smile!
“Jeg ikke taler Engelsk.”*
“Wha? Pardon?”
What did she just say? What the hell language was that? Oh great, you probably called her a skank in whatever she's speaking and you didn’t even know it. Wait, wait, she’s going into her purse. She’s writing down her phone number, but what the the hell are we going to talk about?
Wait a minute, this is perfect! There's no small talk to get in the way and I won't bore her! We’ll have to do all of our talking between the sheets. No, she crossed out what she was going to say!
“I from Norway, I don’t speak English. De synes hyggelig, men De slår det ned.** Um, sorry bye-bye.”
Great, now I’m not Action Man but the Internationaly Shot Down Man. Wave back to her and pretend to smile like you actually have some dignity left.
I wonder if there's anything good on TV tonight?
*I don’t speak English.
** You seem nice, but you need to dial it down.
This was a short story in response to JJ's challenge... http://purgatorian.blogspot.com/2006/03/flash-fiction-friday-29.html
posted by Writeprocrastinator at 5:59 AM
11 Comments:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Great stuff there!
Debby,
Thank you very much!
*ROTFLAO* Good one!
For a moment, thought you've successfully "lured" her into your trap :)
Thanks Slurp, but it's not autobiographical. Though I did witness an incident very similar to the one I wrote.
If this is this guy's usual pickup lines, he probably doesn't get laid much. The translation tag line says it all.
Amusing, he should of remembered the International language of love, "money".
funny.
definitely needs to dial it down.
happy fff. walk good.
LOL
So that's what you guys are thinking eh?
That was great.
write boy, you fucking make me laugh so fucking hard!!!!
Porch,
"If this is this guy's usual pickup lines, he probably doesn't get laid much. The translation tag line says it all."
Yep, that and the fact that it took him ten sentences to figure out that she didn't speak English.
"Amusing, he should of remembered the International language of love, "money".
I'd comment on that, but it might upset the Missus and she'd take her offended self and my paycheck to Nordstrom's.
Trini,
Thanks and...
"happy fff. walk good."
????????
Beth,
Thanks and that is only half of what we think. The other half was a guy I saw around the neighborhood who decided to try something different than "hey baby, where you going?"
Katie,
I'm glad I could put a smile on your face ; )
Trini,
"happy fff. walk good."
Oh, "Happy Flash Fiction Friday" to you too! Thanks and stay strong.
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