Monday, June 04, 2007

Look, Up Above That Car! It's A...

It was inevitable. There have been some close calls, at least two and a half times a week on the average. I like to take advantage of the dearth of traffic and pedestrians in some sections of the City. Plus, I like to work a little of that after work tension off.

They should really know better and they always wait until the very last millisecond to get out of the way. There are many things, one should never do in the street and hanging out there, is one of them. Fighting or mating? Not a good street-related activities, either. Despite that catchy Beatles song, yes, everyone will be watching you.

Yes it was inevitable and no, I'm not talking about bums. So here is the score: Procrastinator 1, Pigeons 0. I'm guessing the pigeon was a "he," because he was chasing another pigeon down. It was either fighting or mating gone wrong and the pigeon wasn't paying attention to the one and a half ton object coming at him, in excess of twenty-four miles an hour.

Of course he flew towards the car, because they are dumb like that. Sure they can remember places (to carry messages) and they can distinguish between the humans that feed them more than others do, but that's about it. They fly towards cars because they can't distinguish a car, from a human that they believe they can startle by flying at it. Other animals have a fair, to great sense of fleeing large oncoming objects.

He thought he'd intimidate the car and he exploded on the windshield like an insect on a desert highway. I saw a flash of red, though he didn't leave any blood on the windshield.

Yes, I feel bad. No, I didn't go back and check on him, because he's dead, Jim.

Surely, Bones, can do-

No, you're not listening while you're overemoting, he's quite dead, Jim. Of course, if the scratch that was left by either his beak or claws somehow turns into a crack? Then it will be Procrastinator and Pigeons, 1-all.

BTW, I don't want to hear any nonsense about how I should've braked. There wasn't enough time and even if I did, the car behind me would've plowed into me.


Blogger Beth said...

It's butch not to brake.

Mon Jun 04, 10:55:00 AM PDT  
Blogger EditorJDC said...

If you hit the gas he might have passed right through the car....or...or...or
Swing the car sideways while pulling on the emergency brakes and he would have gone through the windows.

Don't you watch the action movies WP?

Mon Jun 04, 05:10:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


No, it's dumb not to brake and...

1) The reason why my right foot gets a little "heavy" in that section, is because there were no cars in front of me and if someone decided to ran across street, I'd be able to see them.

2) As I said before, if I did stop, the car behind me that was enjoying the same stretch of road, would've plowed into me.

3) Beyond ending the life of pigeon because the supposition is that it still could've flew out of the way if I had braked. How would I explain to the person behind me and my insurance company, we're all shelling out money because of my heavy right foot and a pigeon?

Mon Jun 04, 05:11:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Johnny Dollars, the lost Wachowski Brother, who would've knew?

Mon Jun 04, 05:12:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Beth said...

I busted a telephone pole swerving ... for a squirrel. I'm not butch.

Mon Jun 04, 07:18:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


Now, squirrels are cute and...I'm sorry that I hit the pigeon.

Mon Jun 04, 08:46:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Beth said...

Nope; squirrels are rats with thicker coats. NOT cute.

But, as much as I've enjoyed teasing you, I hate that you hit the pigeon, too.

Tue Jun 05, 04:04:00 AM PDT  
Blogger chelene said...

Perhaps you should have gotten out of the car, put the pigeon in a cage and attempted to return it to a pet store for a full refund.

(Sorry, WP but when you said the pigeon was "quite dead" it reminded me of the Dead Parrot sketch.)

Tue Jun 05, 07:46:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...



He's just resting!

Tue Jun 05, 08:41:00 PM PDT  
Blogger angel said...

eeeeewww... did you get someone to clean it for you? as for slowing down or stopping- out of the question- you only do that for ostriches!

Wed Jun 06, 01:04:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


Remarkably, the only thing that is visible is just the scratch on the windshield.

"ostriches?????" Good gravy! Quoth the Lenny Henry, "oh, man, what a country!"

Wed Jun 06, 05:59:00 PM PDT  
Blogger angel said...

well- i've never actually ducked an ostrich- but it does depend where in south africa you are...

Sat Jun 09, 05:11:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


I'd just as soon stay out of wherever they are. In America, deer and especially moose, just total cars. The moose more often than not, kill the drivers that hit them.

Sat Jun 09, 05:39:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Coaster Punchman said...

Ooh, that's harsh. I've nearly popped several pigeons in my day but I assumed they'd always get out of the way. I guess this pigeon wins a pigeon Darwin award.

Thu Nov 01, 05:06:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


Shhhh, Beth might hear ; )

Thu Nov 01, 07:53:00 AM PDT  

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