Monday, July 09, 2007

C'mon Kleenex...

It's always the same...


...whether it's a bathroom...

...or a bedroom, it's all too cutesy for me.

You know exactly what I am talking about, the printed scenes on the box of tissues. Idyllic flowers, meadows and forests full of butterflies, hummingbirds, songbirds, and the like. All those things, or a wallpaper pattern that would get a first-year art student thrown out of a third-rate art school.

Maybe you'll get lucky and they'll put an Impressionist painting on there, but those get snatched up real fast. The next time my nose is running, I want real change when I reach for a tissue. I want the box covered in with a Coop vixen, ready to spring forth out of her outfit! Or maybe an Ed Roth original, I mean who doesn't want to see Rat Fink staring back at you when you go to the bathroom?

Let's go one better, a box covered in flames. Not hotrod flames mind you, realistic looking flames that truly represent the bug that is tearing everything from your brain to your toes, apart and that has you just half of a degree away from death.

C'mon Kleenex, grow a pair and surprise me.

P.S. I forgot a pirate skull & bones motif, Procrastinator Junior woke up early while I was searching for an "more appropriate" Coop pic to link and threw me off. What? Yes, I shrunk the screen in time.

Labels:

21 Comments:

Blogger Rhetorically Sterculian said...

That Coop minx?

Baby Got Back indeed.
I should think Philip Roth would be more apropos for a box of gametophilic tissue.
Portnoy's Complaint and all.

Mon Jul 09, 08:16:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Beth said...

You could decoupage your own cover ...

I like the ones with a gerber daisy on each side.

Mon Jul 09, 08:35:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Bubs said...

Brilliant!

Mon Jul 09, 09:20:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Tanya Espanya said...

I love Beth's idea!

Mon Jul 09, 10:13:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Beth said...

You could decoupage the avatars of your favorite bloggers!

My word verification is gluckk. Makes me giggle.

Mon Jul 09, 02:24:00 PM PDT  
Blogger jewgirl said...

grow a pair and surprise me. too funny!

you are right. I have the same issues with paper towels. I don't need a scene, it gives me a jean. I just want something plain that leaves my counters clean.

I am in such a short bus mood. can you tell?

Mon Jul 09, 04:38:00 PM PDT  
Blogger BeckEye said...

But where would men be without Kleenex? I mean, really. C'mon.

Mon Jul 09, 05:25:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Beth said...

Um, I know why men use Kleenex.

And I hate patterned paper towels. Give me plain white Brawny pick-a-size or give me death!

Mon Jul 09, 05:49:00 PM PDT  
Blogger chelene said...

I don't want that lady and her world-crushing thighs anywhere near my tissue. Like I need to feel inferior when I'm blowing my nose.

Mon Jul 09, 06:28:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Sterculian,

"Baby Got Back indeed."

Amen!

"I should think Philip Roth would be more apropos"

As I have never had the pleasure of reading Mssr. Roth, I have been told never to eat any meatloaf served by him or his family.

Beth,

"You could decoupage your own cover"

Neither Martha Stewart nor David Sedaris reside here. Though the Missus certainly could've learned the skill at Cooper Union, she would never reveal such a skill.

"I like the ones with a gerber daisy on each side."

And this is my point, you know what it is, as do most women. It would be nice if men were represented, as if we don't get colds and the like.

Bubs,

Thank you!

Tanya,

Sooner than later, Alexander will want Elmo and Blue's Clues on the tissue boxes.

Beth,

"You could decoupage the avatars of your favorite bloggers!"

I'll hire it out to you as a third-part decoupager ; )

"My word verification is gluckk. Makes me giggle."

A Spanish chicken says what? No, I don't mean what do you say...nevermind.

Katie-lah,

"I am in such a short bus mood. can you tell?"

In a way, I wish I could. As a parent, I don't get to see the variety of movies that I used to and I'll leave it at that. I can't play "Saint's Row" as is.

Becka,

Kleenex are backups and are fairly useless, because they tend to sti....wait a minute! Why am I even discussing this???

Beth,

I'm glad that Costco doesn't even bother with the flowers or kitchen herbs motifs with their Bounty multi-paks.

Chelene,

Naw, you wouldn't want her anywhere your tissues, but I'm tired of butterflies and hummingbirds. It's like men are being punished for those knuckleheads that wouldn't ratify the ERA ; )

Mon Jul 09, 08:53:00 PM PDT  
Blogger deadspot said...

Apparently Kleenex thinks men just wipe on their sleeves.

Tue Jul 10, 06:32:00 AM PDT  
Blogger deadspot said...

I forgot. I hide mine under one of these.

Tue Jul 10, 06:35:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Rhetorically Sterculian said...

Like I said:
Kleenex is gametophilic.(Gametes, get it?)
Portnoy's Complaint touches upon 'self abuse'

Beckey and beth seemd to have their minds in the say gutter in which I find mine.

Tue Jul 10, 07:49:00 AM PDT  
Blogger angel said...

mwaaaaaaahahahahahaaaa... bucking frilliant idea dude!!!
damien agrees 100%

Tue Jul 10, 11:35:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Coaster Punchman said...

I like the ones with flowers. They're great for when you have that not-so-fresh feeling.

Tue Jul 10, 02:37:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Dale said...

I get why you're so snotty about the whole thing WP. Snappy ideas. Get to work.

Tue Jul 10, 02:38:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Melinda June said...

In the UK, they sell extra large, extra absorbent Kleenex called "kleenex for men". You orchestrate a decoupaging partnership between Kleenex and Zoo Magazine and retire on the proceeds.

Tue Jul 10, 04:55:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Spot,

"Apparently Kleenex thinks men just wipe on their sleeves."

That, or the proverbial snot rocket...

I love that "tiki" cover, though it reminds me more of that picture of that face on Mars.

Sterculian

"Kleenex is gametophilic.(Gametes, get it?)"

I don't remember biology, too much cannabis in my teen years and alcohol in my early twenties. I barely remember who Mendel is.

"Portnoy's Complaint touches upon 'self abuse'"

That's why I made the "meatloaf" comment, I was told that he did something altogether wrong to some food and was told that it was meatloaf in specific.

Angel,

I'm glad that Damien agrees, if we can mobilize South Africa, Kimberly-Clarke and Kleenex will have no choice.

Dale,

I'm on it.

Melinda,

I'm glad to see you back in the blogging saddle!

"In the UK, they sell extra large, extra absorbent Kleenex called "kleenex for men"."

There we go! I'll bet it has a rather plain cover though...

"You orchestrate a decoupaging partnership between Kleenex and Zoo Magazine and retire on the proceeds."

I Wikied "Zoo" and I see that it is a Brit Weekly verison of FHM (didn't FHM originate on that side of the pond???). I would of course, need someone with an MBA to run things over there, you up for it?

Tue Jul 10, 09:05:00 PM PDT  
Blogger BeckEye said...

Thank you, Sterculian, for pointing out that Beth and I are bad girls. I think sometimes WP puts us on a pedestal. And then he tries to pretend that he doesn't know what we're talking about.

Oh, hi again WP.

Tue Jul 10, 09:10:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Becka,

"I think sometimes WP puts us on a pedestal. And then he tries to pretend that he doesn't know what we're talking about."

The thing about being on a pedestal, is that you have to watch out for the birds...





...don't look up.

Wed Jul 11, 06:49:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Rhetorically Sterculian said...

"...The thing about being on a pedestal, is that you have to watch out for the birds..."

Nyuck, nyuck.

Beckeye
Are you going to take that from him?

The 'self abuse' was for everyone. I knew that you knew that I knew that you knew, innit?

Wed Jul 11, 09:34:00 AM PDT  

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