Thursday, August 02, 2007

Letters To The Editor #2

Joyce Carol Oates writes in-

Dear Write Procrastinator, you figurine-stealing bastard!

Who won Food Network's Next Star and when am I getting my Hummel figures back?

Well Ms. Oates, there was no choice after the Jag debacle. Everyone had to vote for the person who can despite all scientific theories to the contrary, occupy two spaces or the same space at the same time. That's right Colleen/Amy

I think Collen had visited a super-collider during a grade school field trip and the rest is comic book-slash-food television history. Hurray for scientific accidents!
BTW, you're not getting your Hummels back until you write a favorable blurb for my first book.
Guy Jackson writes in-
Dear Write Procrastinator,
Are you going to plug my next projects or do I have to post those embarrassing pictures of you, Lorraine Bracco, Harvey Keitel, and the clown-
Woo, hold on their Mr. Jackson, let's not be hasty. Why don't you tell them yourself?
Hi folks, I hope everyone is happy and well-fed!

My brand new pair of all-original not-for-kids storytelling CDs Ingliy Spikin Werld and Live at Pete’s have been cut and will be available soon!

We’ve been posting a bevy of fresh movies including such new faves as My Surprise Cousin Catherine, Odin, and The Juno Rep, and we wanted to invite you down to view the latest at

For those attending the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, I’ll be among the street performers there from the 10th to the 20th of August, so do listen out if you’re about.

And my all-original, not-for-kids storytelling albums The BBT and The Filthy Pilgrim are still on sale with the good folks at
Thanks for your time and take good care and enjoy the rest of your summer!
Guy J.
Well said, I couldn't have said it better myself...even under duress. When you're at the Fringe Festival, say "hi" to Jane Godley for me and tell her that Kathy Griffith ripped-off her going to prison shows.
The ghost of James Beard writes in, via a Ouija board that suddenly appeared-
Dear Write Procrastinator,
Soon, I will be reincarnated as a human in San Francisco. I should be born, or "reborn" within the next few days. Where do you suggest that my new parents take me for my first meal when I have teeth?
Well, there's only one place I can think of that makes a dish that is heavenly and amazingly the dish is not even on the menu. The restaurant is Lime Tree and it has the best non-Thai/non-Burmese curry noodles in San Francisco. The dish that you must really try though, is a rare daily special and that is the salmon.
It's made with a candlenut sauce and it is the most exquisitely balanced and perfectly seasoned dish as you'll ever eat. Still, you can't go wrong with any of the dishes as the chef understands the balance of flavors involved with fine Asian cuisine. Eat up James and please, a little more jogging, this lifetime around.

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Blogger Beth said...

Hey, Mr. Procrastinator! Could you get an order of those candlenut noodles to go for me? I'll be up until 1 a.m. EST, in case you want to deliver them personally.

Thu Aug 02, 03:00:00 PM PDT  
Blogger James said...

My stomach rumbled when you started talking food.

Thu Aug 02, 04:15:00 PM PDT  
Blogger chelene said...

Could you send me a shipment too? Noodles are never a bad thing.

Thu Aug 02, 06:44:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


The noodles are curry flavored and it's the salmon that has the candlenut sauce. It wouldn't make it past Utah, once it got to the airport.


As your tomatoes do a number on me.


Refer to the above comment.

Thu Aug 02, 09:56:00 PM PDT  
Blogger EditorJDC said...

"Where do you suggest that my new parents take me for my first meal when I have teeth?"

I see that you are back to form Mr. WP. That is a line I would never have put together.


Sat Aug 04, 06:42:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Johnny Dollars,

Thank you much, you know how to pick a guy up! That's great for a friend, but let's see the venom necessary to be an editor ; )

Sat Aug 04, 10:52:00 AM PDT  
Blogger EditorJDC said...

I know when I read a great writer when I want to steal the lines he writes.

Sorry, as venomy as I get.


Sat Aug 04, 11:01:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Johnny Dollars,

Take a cue from your screenwriting life and say "do you have anything else?"

Or as Mr. C used to say to me, "it, um, could use a bit of work." Though he was one of my most favorite critics because he liked virtually nothing, so I would take nothing he said, personal. This way I could recognize the valid criticisms from the barbs.

Sat Aug 04, 11:16:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Coaster Punchman said...

Joyce Carol Oates gets me hot & bothered.

Sun Aug 05, 03:35:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


She certainly fascinates me in every aspect and chances are, if you pick up any short stories anthologies, there's a sixty percent chance that she will have a submission in there.

Sun Aug 05, 06:36:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

"if you pick up any short stories anthologies"

"Short story anthology," I mean.

Sun Aug 05, 06:40:00 AM PDT  

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