Write Procrastinator

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Letters To The Editor #2

Joyce Carol Oates writes in-

Dear Write Procrastinator, you figurine-stealing bastard!

Who won Food Network's Next Star and when am I getting my Hummel figures back?

Well Ms. Oates, there was no choice after the Jag debacle. Everyone had to vote for the person who can despite all scientific theories to the contrary, occupy two spaces or the same space at the same time. That's right Colleen/Amy

I think Collen had visited a super-collider during a grade school field trip and the rest is comic book-slash-food television history. Hurray for scientific accidents!

BTW, you're not getting your Hummels back until you write a favorable blurb for my first book.

Guy Jackson writes in-

Dear Write Procrastinator,

Are you going to plug my next projects or do I have to post those embarrassing pictures of you, Lorraine Bracco, Harvey Keitel, and the clown-

Woo, hold on their Mr. Jackson, let's not be hasty. Why don't you tell them yourself?

Hi folks, I hope everyone is happy and well-fed!

My brand new pair of all-original not-for-kids storytelling CDs Ingliy Spikin Werld and Live at Pete’s have been cut and will be available soon!

We’ve been posting a bevy of fresh movies including such new faves as My Surprise Cousin Catherine, Odin, and The Juno Rep, and we wanted to invite you down to view the latest at http://www.youtube.com/Guyjjackson

For those attending the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, I’ll be among the street performers there from the 10th to the 20th of August, so do listen out if you’re about.

And my all-original, not-for-kids storytelling albums The BBT and The Filthy Pilgrim are still on sale with the good folks at http://www.lazygramophone.com/

Thanks for your time and take good care and enjoy the rest of your summer!

Sincerely,

Guy J.

Well said, I couldn't have said it better myself...even under duress. When you're at the Fringe Festival, say "hi" to Jane Godley for me and tell her that Kathy Griffith ripped-off her going to prison shows.

The ghost of James Beard writes in, via a Ouija board that suddenly appeared-

Dear Write Procrastinator,

Soon, I will be reincarnated as a human in San Francisco. I should be born, or "reborn" within the next few days. Where do you suggest that my new parents take me for my first meal when I have teeth?

Well, there's only one place I can think of that makes a dish that is heavenly and amazingly the dish is not even on the menu. The restaurant is Lime Tree and it has the best non-Thai/non-Burmese curry noodles in San Francisco. The dish that you must really try though, is a rare daily special and that is the salmon.

It's made with a candlenut sauce and it is the most exquisitely balanced and perfectly seasoned dish as you'll ever eat. Still, you can't go wrong with any of the dishes as the chef understands the balance of flavors involved with fine Asian cuisine. Eat up James and please, a little more jogging, this lifetime around.

Labels: Guy Jackson, Letters To The Editor, Lime Tree, The Communicatrix, The Food Network

Sunday, June 10, 2007

There Can Be Only One!...Well...

Say it with me in a slightly stilted (as opposed to "tilted?") French accent, "therre...can be...only one!"

So the Food Network has a show where they try to find the next "Food Network Star" and it's format is much like that of the premiere food reality TV show, "Top Chef." To be fair, I looked it up on the IMDB and "The Next Food Network Star" aired some seven months before the first episode of "Top Chef." Yet it isn't even close, one will have me watching all but one or two episodes during the season and the other will be lucky to have me watching more than five minutes.

With "Top Chef," you have trained artists going at it, the best of the best and sure, they're telegenic. With "The Next Food Network Star," it's more about their personalities and how telegenic they are, versus their actual cooking abilities. What's okay about the latter show is that they trot out a different Food Network personality for each episode and the majority of them can cook.

The very worst contestants in "Top Chef" would crush the majority of "T.N.F.N.S," it's not even close. Procrastinator Junior likes to watch this particular show and I watched it in depth for the first time, tonight. The cats and kittens on "T.N.F.N.S" make the same kinds of mistakes that you or I would make in that situation and they even "borrowed" a "Top Chef" bit, where they catered a wedding.

The wedding bit was from Season One of "Top Chef," though the mistakes that the "T.N.F.N.S." competitors made, were almost as many as two entire seasons of "Top Chef," magnified. This Giada/Jewel Kitchner clone didn't buy enough food or run her team with any efficiency at all, tp the point that the whole reception could've gone down the tubes. Yet they bounced a Brazilian woman and one is left to believe that is was because of her Portuguese accent, rather than her actual cooking abilities.

Why even bother to call it a "cooking competition?" I'm sorry, if whoever it is looks like Ernest Borgnine (be it woman or man), but can entertain and cook better than James Beard and Julia Child put together, that's who I'll watch. If that person is telegenic and can cook? So much the better.

Speaking of looks, someone went and cloned The Communicatrix!

This is "T.N.F.N.S" contestant, Amy Finley...

...And this is Colleen Wrainwright a.k.a. The Communicatrix. Colleen took down all the pictures where she had a similar hairstyle (which style she probably had way before her "clone" Amy did) and it's a good thing because your minds really would've been blown then. Think about it though, if Amy wins, everyone is going to walk up to Colleen and say "aren't you the new Food Network Star?"