Wow, Another Successful Match From E-Chaos!
Here at E-Chaos, we believe that love is a sentiment best left for greeting cards. True Romance is like art, you must suffer for it, only that we will be the ones to "Van Gough" your ears.
Please, once again, don't simply take our word for it, but take our word for it, listen to our testimonials. The first is from a good friend of mine from the old neighborhood. I know him as Jack Napier, but you probably know him by a different name-
Dear Write Procrastinator,
You've made me happier than the expression on my face, go figure. You really know your matchmaking; I'm a diamond in the rough and she loves diamonds. I've shown her how to save a fortune in plastic surgery...
...via falling into the vat just like I did and experiencing the original "chemical peel." She attacks people with barbs and I attack them with bullets. Together, everywhere is a "red carpet" and no one is safe. Wait until the world gets a load of us.
Sincerely,
The Joker
Hold on folks, the happiness keeps coming like at you like an angry rhino in an alley. Listen to the next wonderful testimonial-
Dear Write Moron,
You've done right by me this time, so I've decided to pay up for hitting your car and I might apologize, if this guy lasts more than a month.
He's a little removed, almost "cold,"if you will...
Please, once again, don't simply take our word for it, but take our word for it, listen to our testimonials. The first is from a good friend of mine from the old neighborhood. I know him as Jack Napier, but you probably know him by a different name-
Dear Write Procrastinator,
You've made me happier than the expression on my face, go figure. You really know your matchmaking; I'm a diamond in the rough and she loves diamonds. I've shown her how to save a fortune in plastic surgery...
...via falling into the vat just like I did and experiencing the original "chemical peel." She attacks people with barbs and I attack them with bullets. Together, everywhere is a "red carpet" and no one is safe. Wait until the world gets a load of us.
Sincerely,
The Joker
Hold on folks, the happiness keeps coming like at you like an angry rhino in an alley. Listen to the next wonderful testimonial-
Dear Write Moron,
You've done right by me this time, so I've decided to pay up for hitting your car and I might apologize, if this guy lasts more than a month.
He's a little removed, almost "cold,"if you will...
...yet, for some reason, after our first date? No one calls me "Firecrotch" anymore. My air conditioning bills have gone down and forget about ice cubes, because he keeps booze perfectly chilled.
Plus, I don't have to make up stories about the paparazzi because he leaves patches of ice and they crash all on their own.
Sincerely,
Li-Lo
Well, there you have it people. Where do you go to find true romance? That's right, "E-Chaos," because love hurts and we bring the pain!
Labels: E-Chaos, E-Chaos Testimonials, Firecrotch, Watch out E-Harmony
posted by Writeprocrastinator at 7:46 AM
7 Comments:
I believe that Jack and Joan begat Cameron Diaz.
Ms. Coffey,
Your answer is posted.
Perhaps a better match for Lindsay would be another Batman foe - Mr. Freeze. That X-kid is too cute for her.
Or maybe just fix her up with Sebastian from "The Little Mermaid." Of course, it might be a little embarassing for him to have so many of his relatives watching while he's having sex with her. Cause, you know, they're all hanging around in that area.
Becky,
Li-Lo don't like them older...yet. So far, she likes them young, dumb and easy to...um, train.
"Or maybe just fix her up with Sebastian from "The Little Mermaid." Of course, it might be a little embarassing for him to have so many of his relatives watching while he's having sex with her. Cause, you know, they're all hanging around in that area."
???
Sebastian was a crab.
CRABS.
Stupid jokes are even more stupid when you have to explain them.
Or was he a lobster? Now I can't fucking remember. It's been a while since I've been under the sea.
Becky,
"Sebastian was a crab."
Ohhh, sorry. I missed out on that part of Disney folklore. I do remember "Under The Sea" from the commericals and from my cousin's first wife droning on about it.
"Stupid jokes are even more stupid when you have to explain them."
At least you didn't go for the obvious Mr. Krabs.
Post a Comment
<< Home