Friday, January 18, 2008

E-Chaos Almost Strikes Again

Dear Write Procrastinator,

I understand that you work real miracles in terms of dating and unfortunately, a miracle is just what I need. I have been searching for love, for all of my life. I have been searching everywhere...not only in this world, but all over the galaxy and I have yet to find true love. I am truly despondent and I am counting on you to come through.

I mean, what's not to love about me? Sure, I have fangs, but who hasn't had a dental problem in their life? Sure, my blood is acid, but no one can call me cold-blooded and I can keep the female of any species warm, even in the most artic of conditions. I mean, I am so lonely, I am ready to settle down, get married and have kids right now (granted, all the offspring of my species would rather burst out than be born. But who is perfect? Who?)! Please come through for me like only you can.


Al Ien.

Well Al, what can I say? My timing has been somewhat off this year. I wish I could help you out. With your needs being what they are, I can only think of one being on my planet that can live up to (or is that withstand?) all of your requirements, as well as the difficulties of different atmospheres.

That is, the only woman that has the resiliency, yet can be tender enough when the moment calls for romance. A woman that won't have any concerns with your dental difficulties as she is somewhat challenged as well. A woman that won't be affected your sanguineous complexities, because she is known to be unaffected by anything that our planet can dish out.

Yet, while her husband is incarcerated, she seems to only want to date record producers. Maybe a change in career is in order for you, as you seem to be more like an agent or a lawyer. Still, keep our service in mind because who knows what the next six months will bring?

Remember folks, we cannot match every being in the universe, but our record on Earth is still perfect. So when you are looking for love, forget about those morons at E-Harmony and give E-Chaos a try.

"E-Chaos," because love hurts and we bring the pain!"



Blogger Dale said...

I was going to suggest that little Danielyn is available and Larry Birkhead might need the dowry.

Sat Jan 19, 06:58:00 AM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


I worry about you sometimes...

Sat Jan 19, 10:37:00 AM PST  
Blogger Dale said...

Me too!

Sun Jan 20, 09:36:00 AM PST  
Blogger Quin said...

i guess i won't be asking you to help out with relationship with my oddship, then.


Sun Jan 20, 02:28:00 PM PST  
Blogger BeckEye said...

So, can you fix me up with Obi-Wan? The young version, of course.

Sun Jan 20, 05:06:00 PM PST  
Blogger Chris said...

That picture made me go to rehab...

Sun Jan 20, 07:48:00 PM PST  
Blogger Bridget said...

Like Dale, I worry about you sometimes. However, your hooking up skills sound *snigger* out of this world, perhaps I will surrender myself to the, too!

Mon Jan 21, 12:29:00 AM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Quin, Becky and Bridget,

What part of "because love hurts and we bring the pain" did you all not get? ; )


Granted that I just read a byline this morning saying that there is a video of her smoking crack, but that picture is complete taken out of context if you've seen the accompanying pics. They ambushed her to get that expression, though how lucid she was that day, is all relative.

Tue Jan 22, 07:26:00 AM PST  
Blogger jewgirl said...

OMG.OMG.OMG. You are so hilarious. The second paragraph really killed me, "sure my blood is acide, but no one can call me cold-blooded" and, and, and, "but who is perfect? who?"

so funny. Love, love, love, "Al len"

Can I submit myself to e-chaos?

Sun Feb 03, 11:58:00 AM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


You inspired E-Chaos via the "Suit Daddy of Doom."

Sun Feb 03, 07:16:00 PM PST  

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