Friday, December 22, 2006

Holiday Standards

Just in time for the holidays! From the people that brought you the "Hillary Duff and Metallica Christmas," as well as the "Up With People, Featuring Dr. Dre Summer Tour '06," comes "Write Procrastinator Reinterprets The Classic Holiday Songs."*


Oh Christmas Pee
Oh Christmas Pee
The bums leave you in front of my garage

You get...

Yuppies roasting over an open fire
Pit bulls nipping at your nose

And also...

He knows when you are sleeping
But mostly when you're sleeping
Because he's stalking you

Plus, his exclusive rendition of

On the first day of Christmas,
My true love pointed out to me
Nicole Richie driving into a tree

Not to mention...

Silent site, holy shite
All pyschos linked to My Space
I have nothing to protect me, but mace
From Dawn, Jay Nutso and that schizo, Grace
Jesus, a restraining order dearth
Jesus, I've got a restraining order dearth

*Not an actual album, you really don't want me to sing.


Blogger katie schwartz said...

I am loving you so hard right now, online bff!!! so funny!!!!

Fri Dec 22, 09:31:00 PM PST  
Blogger justacoolcat said...

Actually, it sounds like a great album. If you don't want to sing tell me you'll dance and I'll see if I can get Jessica Simpson on the phone.

Holiday Standards with Jessica Simpson feat. K-fed and George Clinton.

Fri Dec 22, 10:22:00 PM PST  
Blogger BeckEye said...

Will Kenny G be involved? Maybe you and he can work on an original tune based on Norm MacDonald's classic line about the Kenny G Christmas album, "Happy Birthday Jesus...hope you like crap!"

Sat Dec 23, 02:09:00 AM PST  
Blogger John Donald Carlucci said...

Happy holidays to yours, yours, and yours Mr. C.

Ask Katie nice and she may send you a latke.


Sat Dec 23, 05:52:00 AM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...




I can still sing better than Jessica, but so can animals caught in fur traps. She bought a decent song on the second season of her show and even with those tone modulators that they use for less than perfect voices, she still couldn't hit it.

Oooh, "George Clinton?" Man, I forgot all about him, as I hope to do with K-Fed.

Sat Dec 23, 11:05:00 AM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


"Will Kenny G be involved?"

Whoa, that almost gave me a fit and I don't have epilepsy.

Johnny Dollars,

Thanks for the early season's greetings. I don't think a latke would keep on the flight up here, not to mention the delivery driver would be late as the smell would make him stop for food every ten minutes.

Sat Dec 23, 11:11:00 AM PST  
Blogger angel said...

mwaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha- those are brilliant dude! i think they'd make a fabulous album, you could get bands like metallica and guns 'n roses to sing them!
merry christmas and happy new year dude!

Sun Dec 24, 04:22:00 AM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too!

Sun Dec 24, 09:36:00 AM PST  

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