Sunday, December 24, 2006

Worst Gift Ever

The folks that brought you Chia Pet, have now created Chia Cat Grass. This is wrong on so many levels. First, they claim that it keeps cats away from hazardous, no, you just gave Mr. Whiskers carte blanche to chow down on all houseplants, once he's done with the so-called "Cat Grass."

Second, look at the thing. Sylvester and Tweety. Cats (and Becka) don't like Tweety, but they hate Sylvester even more. He's everything that's wrong with cartoon cats, an anti-role model. That lisp? No, there's something wrong with people that lisp, but have you ever heard a cat lisp?

Meowth, meowth...

No, of course not and when your cat knocks over a vase, it's not an accident. He's really trying to tell you that he doesn't want you to run that stupid cartoon anymore.

Plus, cats don't like the fact that Sylvester never gets it done. Tweety has to be the slowest bird capable of flight, ever. C'mon, even three-legged cats get it done after something like twenty tries in each of the scores of cartoons that Sylvester tried to take Tweety down. Sylvester is the scourge of cats everywhere and it's not the "man," or men in general that are keeping cats down, it's bad examples of feline life like Sylvester.

Third? You know and I know that Mr. Whiskers wants catnip, why are you trying to make your cat go cold turkey? Go ahead, try and wean him off the catnip and on to the "Cat Grass." You'll just get shredded furniture and a squishy surprise in one, if not all, of your shoes for your little kitty intervention.


Blogger Al Sensu said...

I think they ought to make Chia Pussy. Think about it.

Mon Dec 25, 11:52:00 AM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Al Sens,

Heh-heh-heh, ah, the permutations. Replace one of those pocket devices that I keep hearing about? A temporary "band-aid" for Britney, Lindsay and Paris? Why, it would sell millions just for the name alone...

Mon Dec 25, 12:30:00 PM PST  
Blogger angel said...

hang on- how come i didn't know you had cats? or don't you- and i've misread something in my journey to find more cat slaves...

Wed Dec 27, 07:35:00 AM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...


No, no cats, I'm allergic and that's what cats love in me. They'll come clear across a house and do figure eights under my legs, just to watch me sneeze.

Wed Dec 27, 08:37:00 PM PST  
Blogger BeckEye said...

Hmm, I only saw this post now. I like Sylvester. His problem is the same as the villains in James Bond movies. He doesn't just want to kill Tweety, he really wants the feathered menace to suffer. That's why he plans much-too-elaborate killing schemes that always go awry. Plus, Tweety is one of those annoying creatures who could fall into a pile of shit and still come out smelling like a rose. I think Sylvester, Daffy, Elmer and maybe even Spike the dog all need to put their heads together and come up with a good plan of attack.

Sun Jan 14, 01:45:00 PM PST  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

"His problem is the same as the villains in James Bond movies. He doesn't just want to kill Tweety, he really wants the feathered menace to suffer."

Absolutely! Plus, I don't know if it was Fleming or the "Doctor No" screenwriter that did a variation of Slyvester with "no Mr. Bond, I don't expect you talk, I expect you die." I remember Sylvester saying something similar to Tweety in response to one of his goofy questions, along the lines of, "no, I'm going to eat you."

Still, here he was with the opportunity and the bird literally in hand, yet he couldn't get it done. Cats like to torture whatever they catch, but I've rarely seen a bird get away.

P.S. Spike is friend of Tweety, remember?

Mon Jan 15, 04:32:00 AM PST  

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