Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Happy Birthday Gian Carlucci

Go, go, go, go, go, go
Go, Johnny Dollars
It's your birthday
We gon' read Astonishing Adventures like it's your birthday
We gon' clean our dentures like it's your birthday
And you know you’re a year closer to being a geezer because it's your birthday

Happy Birthday JDC, you're the best!


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

A Quin Browne Production


Tonight on "The Streets of New York"-

Special Guest Stars

John Malkovich as "The Angry Bike Messenger"
Kal Penn as "The Cab Driver That Pretends That He Doesn't Understand A Word of English"
and Cormac Brown as "The Mumbler on The 'F' Train"

Tonight's episode- "Static Staten Island Shock!"

No, actually,
Quin is guest starring on The Guest of a Guest blog. Take a gander.


A Quin Browne Production.


Saturday, April 26, 2008

So I lied...

One more rebus for this week and it is a fairly straight-forward one.

Not the woman next to him, but the man...

Or this man in the mug shot...


plus the next two letters

If you can't read the graffito, here is the same letter right below...

Barring the occasional update? See you in a few weeks, on your blog or not at all.


The Blogroll Rolls On

And yet again, the blogroll expands!

(in alphabetical order)
It's all about unity with Black Coffee White Milk.
He's not heavy, he's Bookfraud.
Ruby Letters go out to the world and touch all.


Thursday, April 24, 2008

A Poll For Polling Programs

I am asking this question not on behalf of this blog, but for the other two. Please, which poll app is the easiest and most reliable?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

If Someone Comes Across Some Cash...

If someone comes across a great deal of cash or wins the lottery in the next few months-

If at all possible, I would like two of these, please. In return, I'll dedicate a book to you. Or even better yet, I won't write you into the book.

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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Quin Amazes Me Again...

...and she amazes Margaret, too.


Magic Rebus

Can't have it.

Okay, show me your age and tell me which group wrote that lyric? This is the last rebus for this week...

What do you mean, "do I promise?"

Keep that up and I'll make this a rebus-only blog. What do you mean, "you don't care?" Why I oughta...

At any rate, if you get really stumped, pass your cursor over the photos and maybe the title of each one will give you a clue.


minus "arine"

then add...

plus "le."


Did you get it?
"Nectarine" minus "nect" = "arine"


"Sing" plus "le" = "Single"



minus "fruit."

minus "d"

Then the one with the red nose, not "Chip," but...

Did you get it?
"Passionfruit" minus "fruit" = "Passion"
"Dove" minus the letter "d" = "ove"

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Sunday, April 20, 2008

On An IMDB-Tangent

One site missing from the meme below, is the Internet Movie Database or the IMDB. During my early years on the web before there were enough blogs to become addicted to them, I would spend my time just exploring the IMDB. This site and Wikipedia are possibly the only two sites that I could spend an hour on them and not get bored.

All the facts that you can now take for granted because of DVD commentary, typically could only to be found within the "trivia" section of each film or TV show.

Did you know that John Mahoney is English?

Did you know that Alan Arkin was in a folk group called The Tarriers and he co-wrote "The Banana Boat Song?"

Did you know that Bill Murray had a cameo that was excised from "The Jerk?"

Yeah, well, I didn't either.


Taggage Baggage

Just when I think I'm going to settle down to a nice morning of writing, Bad Tempered Zombie tagged Gifted Typist, who in turn tagged me.

Barbara said-

This is a link meme, whereby you link five of your favourite sites and then tag five others to do the same.

I don't read the papers as much as I used since the whole Iraq debacle kicked off, but I do have to keep up with local events and that's what the Internet is for.

SF Metroblogs and SFist help me do just that. They also feature links to other blogs and sites that cover San Francisco, so the two blogs pretty much cover everything in that aspect.

A prime example is this, which I saw this guy get pulled over. Most of the time I can only describe these incidents to you, but somebody is always quicker with the camera or camera phone than me.

If I have just a little free time and I don't want to involved by reading one of the regular blogs that I do, I hop on over to Paper Cuts, a book blog by the New York Times. It's updated about four or five times a week and there is usually a mini-interview with an author or someone in the publishing field. You don't need to register for the NY Times to read it either.

The Rap Sheet has everything you need to know about crime books and writing. Stuff and interviews with authors. Books and DVDs that are coming out, as well as the conventions.

Free Translation is where I go for quick decipherings and little things to throw into the blog. What, you didn't think I really spoke Spanish, did you? I can read a few languages, but I can barely order a burrito in Spanish and if the counter person deviates just a little bit from the normal patter or questions, I spontaneously combust.

Now, I don't tag because then people feel bad when they don't respond. So, consider this an open tag and if you feel like doing this? Put a link in the comment section and I'll post it up here.

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Saturday, April 19, 2008

The Wheels On The Rebus Go Round And Round

One more time.

What? Stop making that face! It's not that hard! Aw, humor me, will ya? Here we go...

minus the letter "b."
Add the letter "s"
to the picture below...

and take away the letter "s" on the end.

...minus "miley."


Did you get it?
"Band" minus the "b" = "And"
Put the letter "s" in front of "tums" and take away the letter "s" on the end = "sum"
Guy Smiley minus "miley" = "guys"

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Yes A Story Can Be Told In Six Sentences

Yes, a story can be told in six simple sentences and here's your proof. "6 S" is finally a book


Six Sentences, Volume 1 – our exciting collection of original fiction and non-fiction – has finally arrived! Click the photo for a closer peek! The book is currently available at CreateSpace, and will soon be available at THANK YOU to each and every one of our talented writers for making this fabulous collection possible. What can WE say in six sentences? You’ll have to get the book to find out!

Robert McEvily

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Friday, April 18, 2008

Don't Overthink It

A certain lovely blogger from up north says...

"BeckEye and Beth, but beyond that ya go me."

To wit, I reply, "don't overthink it." Let it come to you. We'll try your name...



So, "Gift + Ted + Typist = Gifted Typist." You see? It's fairly easy when you've seen enough examples.

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Thursday, April 17, 2008

Don't Stop, Rebus Time!

When I stayed in Italy some two decades ago, I had difficulty learning the language, because everyone would rather practice their English with me than speak Italian, regardless of their proficiency. Some of my Italian roommates suggested that I could learn their language by doing rebus puzzles.

Well, it was just that simple, wasn't it?

Um, no.

I couldn't do rebus puzzles in English, what hope would I have possibly have had in Italian? I stood a better chance of learning Basque via osmosis, by sleeping on a book of Basque phrases.

Some twenty-three years and two months later? All of sudden I can create rebus. I still can't decipher one, but I could put a couple of them together. Let's let Wikipedia explain just what a rebus is and don't forget to click the link at the bottom. It's a little program that you type in anything and it will turn it into a rebus (no, I did not use it for this post).

So in this post, I am going to rebus a blog or the name of a blogger. Let's go with the easy ones first as a warm up.

Uh, yeah, it's Michael John's future wife, The Pop Eye. No, Becky doesn't look anything like this character, though she will eat her spinach on occasion.

Hotter than any java served by McDonald's, A Cup of Coffey.

Okay, now you're going to have to work for the rest of them and you'll have to highlight under the bottom of the rebus to find out (correction, the answers are posted)...



Equals what? Coaster Punchman. Coaster + Punch + Man (because that's man at the end of this evolutionary chain).

This one is a little harder if you don't recognize his name from the comments.


plus "s"
Equals what? Bubs. "Bubbles" minus "Les" plus "s" equals "Bubs."
Now why don't you give it a try?

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A Recipe For Bridget And S4.

No, he's not an Audi, he's Bridget's man, though she has been known to drive him nuts on occasion. The S4 actually cooks and is known to tussle for the privilege of cooking for his lady, so I'll take the time to type out this recipe for him.

From The Culinary Institute of America's "Gourmet Meals In Minutes"

Salad of Crab and Avocado

Makes Eight Servings/Preparation Time: 35 Minutes

1/2 cup red pepper, small dice
2 plum tomatoes, cored and chopped
2 scallions, thinly sliced on the bias
1 clove garlic, minced
2 tablespoons cilantro, coarsely chopped

2 teaspoons jalapeño, minced, seeds and veins removed
1 teaspoon salt, or to taste
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, or to taste

2 1/2 cups lump crabmeat, pasteurized, picked over to remove cartilage and shell
2 avocados, ripe, small dice
1/4 cup sour cream

Toss together the red pepper, tomato, scallions, garlic, cilantro and jalapeño to form a salsa. Season with 1/4 teaspoon salt and a pinch of black pepper and let the mixture sit at room temperature while working on the rest of the appetizer (about 20 minutes).

Combine the avocado, lime juice, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and a pinch of black pepper.

In a 6-fluid ounce glass, layer 1/4 cup of the tomato salsa, about 5 tablespoons of crab and 2 tablespoons of the avocado mixture. Spoon approximately 1 teaspoon of sour cream on top of the avocado layer. Garnish with a little bit of the salsa.

NOTE: Be sure to wear gloves while mincing the jalapeño to prevent irritation.

So there is the recipe in blue, as it was written in the book. Here's an Amazon link to buy the book and remember that I suggested to alternate the layers, instead of just putting the salsa at the bottom.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Last To Strike Back

A bunch of people were disenchanted with their Technorati rankings and links, and they had reposted their links in an effort to influence the "authority number" of everyone for the better.

I had given up on the "authority number" a long time ago, were just never to be recognized (i.e. Princess Ladybug's link to Cormac Writes still hasn't taken place). I was more frustrated about the lack of updates and the occasional refusal to update certain posts, despite my manual submitting the pings.

Now, I am the last one to jump into this, only because of my blogs, this one in particular is still on the old system and template. I love hand-typing the links in and such, though I'm sick of manually having to adjust the color of the type on longer posts whenever I add further dialog to a post.

Well, here it goes and unlike my actual links, this will be a "no-frills description linkage" and note the two new entries that were snuck in within the past week, The Gifted Typist and The Baroness Von Bloggenschtern.

Fifty-six links, all hand typed in. Please pardon this one self-indulgence for my shop...

...or my accountant will kill me.

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Birthday Love

The Missus made me a special birthday dinner. We started the meal with salad of crab and avocado-

Fresh dungeness crab, avocado, sour cream, tomatoes and spices.

This is a Culinary Institute of America recipe and she followed it almost to the letter. The only thing she didn't include were the jalapeño peppers. The dish could've used them, but it is a flawed dish in design, because all of the tomatoes and peppers are on the bottom. Everything would be better off placed in alternating layers. Giving it a chance for smoother blending of the flavors (if you mix it too much, it tends to make things mushy).

Mind you, I'm not criticizing her cooking, but the recipe itself. The crab and avocado were wonderfully fresh and flavorful. It's hard though when someone puts that kind of effort into a first-time dish and the creators of said dish, let that cook down.

Then came the ginger-marinated pork.

Outf*ckin' standing! If you're going to try this recipe at home, I'd cut the soy sauce down and split the 1/4 cup of it in half with water, as it was a tad salty.

Quin's "The Adventures of Margaret and Neville" are sight to read, I mean, see. Comedies involving manners are harder than you think to write, there has to be a certain level of nuance or you go right over the top and it loses direction to become something altogether wrong. Quin knows that and for her, the little tightrope of nuance may as well be an eight-lane freeway, as crosses that chasm with ease like a writing Wallenda.

Quin relented to my badgering for my birthday and wrote a chapter where Margaret's life took an unexpected turn, check it out.

Tanya sent me a wonderful E-Card, that was worth the download wait for dial-up.
So, a big thanks to everyone who made my birthday special!
P.S. The highlight of the morning was a phone call with the every-busy Katie, as we bagged on Coco and caught up with the dishing.


Monday, April 14, 2008

Slappy Mirthday

On this day in history...

In 1865, Abraham Lincoln was shot by John Wilkes Booth at Ford's Theater.
In 1912, the H.M.S. Titanic struck an iceberg.
In 1965, on the centennial of the Lincoln shooting, I was born.

Draw your own conclusions.

Sure, bad things like to happen on my birthday, but they reach their nadir the following day. The Titanic sunk and Lincoln passed on the fifteenth. Must I mention Tax Day? Which is the main reason everyone forgets my birthday (uh, yeah, that's it).

Let us look at some famous people who were born on this day...

Sarah Michelle Gellar. I never got into "Buffy," though she wins massive points in my book, for doing spots on "Robot Chicken."

Anthony Michael Hall. Well, I wouldn't exactly cross a room for an autograph from either of these two.

Ritchie Blackmore. Oh, hells (sic) yeah! Deep Purple! Rainbow! The best metal guitarist of the 70's that wasn't named "Van Halen." Now I'm all geeked up! He is talented, mercurial and he perfected firing band members halfway through the tour.

Procrastinator Junior masterminded this set-up. The letters in this pic are a little washed out from the flash, but this shows how creative he is and much he cares.
So, play "Long Live Rock & Roll," "All Night Long" or "Smoke On The Water" for me today...and fire everyone in your band for no good reason. It's the Aries/Blackmore/Procrastinator Way!
P.S. Oh, I forgot that Pete Rose was also born today, though believe me when I say that no one would ever call me "Charlie Hustle."

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Earthquake Weather

Well, I was supposed to have two stories done, with one to be posted on Cormac Writes and the other's destination was for Powder Burn Flash, if Aldo deemed it worthy enough. But The Missus got all the napping time in last night and I was on "Junior watch" as a result, with not enough sleep to finish my outlines. So I re-posted three of my stories from Powder Burn Flash today, to fill the content level and the reason for that is twofold-

1) Because people were nice enough to link Cormac Writes blog and poor planning on my part is the reason that there was a dearth of new content to keep the interest of new readers.

2) Because if they like those stories, there are plenty more on Powder Burn Flash and not just amateurs such as myself, but authors such as Pearce Hansen and writers that are on the verge of being published.

So go check it out.

By the way, today was unseasonably hot and it still is as I type this post, but the real worry (if you could actually call it that) is the humidity. Because these condition usually signify "earthquake weather," even though this article suggests that there is no such thing.

Of course another article concurs, though...

The temperature had climbed ten degrees from the day before and the humidity had built to a level that many would remember as sultry. As the fans waited in their seats at Candlestick Park some complained that 83 F was hot, especially for October 17, 1989. The lack of wind at Candlestick Park was all the more remarkable since if any kind of breeze was blowing it would make itself felt in the stadium.

To the philosopher Aristotle these conditions were the precursor to a temblor. Geologists had long ago disproved any link between weather and seismic activity but the old concept had hardened into a cliché.

I'll say this; of the one major earthquake in my life and two of the last four rolling quakes, the temperature was unseasonably warm and so was the humidity. Now, certainly we won't have an earthquake tonight, as those past incidents were cases of association and conincidence, and nothing else. I'm just bringing this up as a point of conversation.

Yet, it's not so much as a "the glass is half-empty/half full" proposition, as it that on days like this? I'm not about to touch that glass of water. Not to mention that even though the above sentence is grammatically correct, it is women that are "sultry" and not the weather.

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Thursday, April 10, 2008

I'll Be Here All Week (rimshot)...

...uh, yeah, because it's my blog. All apologies if someone else has used that line already, I am on automatic pilot this week.

First, I gets no love from Technorati. I've posted twice on Cormac Writes and they won't update it. Granted that they were minor mini-posts, but posts nonetheless.

My birthday is coming up soon and you don't have to send me a card or buy me a thing. All I'm asking for is a link to

It would mean a lot.

Second, do you remember back in nursery school/Kindergarten/elementary/grade school where there was always that one kid who would eat anything to get attention? You know what I mean. Paste, paper, gum, boogers, worms, and God knows what else, because I usually got bored and walked away after the worms.

Well, a certain channel gave that kid a show and other than the above pic, I'm not going to mention the channel or the show, because quite frankly, I'm sick of the guy just from the commercials that they run over a hundred times a day (literally every commercial break!). This guy is just running with one aspect of a show that used to be on MTV, minus someone getting pummeled in the head or kicked in the nuts.

Maybe that should change...though I still wouldn't watch the show, but I'd somehow feel better if he was writhing on the ground.

Last, but not least. For a solid three weeks, I was getting over a dozen hits a day from the Philippines for "lyrics by procrastinator sandwich."

To wit, "wha?"

Apparently there's a song called "Procrastinator Sandwich" and no, sadly, the song does not involve me, Julianne Moore and Salma Hayek.

You gotta run don't walk, it's really late
When you get off the train, meet me at the gate
You gotta push don't shove
Get it out of the way
Don't wait any longer, do it today

Chorus: You can count on me
I'm gonna get it done, get it done
Before the night segues to day
Before the city wakes
Before the rooster shakes
Before the icing hits the cake
We gotta operate

You gotta glide, don't slip
Get your balance right
Ride with the wind, it's a beautiful sight
You gotta skip, don't jump
The little bumps on the way
Don't let it get to you, don't listen to what they say

(Repeat Chorus)

You gotta squeeze, don't pull
Hold that grip steady
You know it's all lining up
You can never be ready
You gotta seek don't hide
Don't sit and wait
'Cause it may pass you by
And it'll be too late

(Repeat Chorus)

Hey hey! (3x)Procrastinator Sandwich

You gotta run don't walk, it's really late
When you get off the train, meet me at the gate
You gotta push don't shove
Get it out of the way
Don't wait any longer, do it today

Chorus: You can count on me
I'm gonna get it done, get it done
Before the night segues to day
Before the city wakes
Before the rooster shakes
Before the icing hits the cake
We gotta operate

You gotta glide, don't slip
Get your balance right
Ride with the wind, it's a beautiful sight
You gotta skip, don't jump
The little bumps on the way
Don't let it get to you, don't listen to what they say

(Repeat Chorus)

You gotta squeeze, don't pull
Hold that grip steady
You know it's all lining up
You can never be ready
You gotta seek don't hide
Don't sit and wait
'Cause it may pass you by
And it'll be too late

(Repeat Chorus)

Hey hey! (3x)

Um, what's Tagalog for "I'm not feeling it?"

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Apparently Blogging Kills

I tend not to link articles from the New York Times, because they charge for old links after so many weeks and is it really worth while to pay for an article that doesn't have someone that you know personally or yourself.

I read this, but didn't bother to post it. It's a sad and tragic story about bloggers who make their living from their blogs, passing on from work-related stress to the great post in the sky.

SFist has linked it and after the NY Times link goes up to six bucks, you'll still have the SFist article to give a cheaper gist of it.


Sunday, April 06, 2008

Steampunk Studios Delves Into Art

Not content with just editing a magazine and writing, John is making his foray into the art world, in a way that is reminiscent of Robert Rauschenberg and Joseph Beuys.

Don't take my word for it, take a gander for yourself.


Adventures In Soda

So I was down at Irving Cafe and I'm using Yelp! to let you know where the restaurant is at, because they have a reliable link. Though some of those reviewers need to cut down on their uncontrolled substance intake and I leave that one at that.

Anyway, I'm down for the bánh mì-action, because I'm sandwichy like that, and what should I see? A soda in a plastic can.

Yet, as you can see from picture number two, the top is aluminium.

It has a bottom like a plastic bottle...

...and as you drink it, the can seems to turn greener with each sip.

Though as you can see, it's just the gradual diminishing of the green tint of the plastic label. Yes, it seems like from the picture below, that I'm watching NASCAR. That's only on for background noise and when they race stock cars on oval tracks, I only pay attention to; the crashes, the final ten laps and/or if a Yankee wins.

The brand is Elisha Soda and they don't have a site in English. I did find a Japanese online food store that sells more than the two flavors that the Irving Cafe carries (apple and lychee). The "e-l" on the can reads like a "b," which kind of sounds like a drunk without front teeth trying to tell somebody off.
"Bisha, pluhh-leaze! (hic!)"


Friday, April 04, 2008

Past Adventures In Hair

Of this post, the Editor JDC asks, you aren't related to this guy are you?

Hells (sic) no! I was rockin' the "Jimi Hendrix" hair since birth, while Mr. Pead a.k.a. "Yahoo Serious" was still sporting a crew cut in New South Wales.

In high school, I had either of these two "Warrior" hairstyles.

Forget condoms, the pill, diaphragms or IUD's. In an affluent Reagan era white suburb, these two hairstyles, no car and no job were all I needed for birth control.

100% effective, don't you know? And you can't say that about all the other methods. So now I have the "Shik*m*ru."

I took the two letters "a" out of that name, we don't want the kids popping over here when they are searching for characters from their favorite show. So now I just put my hair up and it is short enough on the sides that I got a wife out of it. I can't say that about the other hairstyles.

That's Not A Word...

...or is it?

This morning, there was me, happily leaving work because my weekend started and two traders were drafting me, like the sidewalk was the final lap of the Daytona 500.

They were in full conversation mode-

Trader #1: So we had to call (Note, I can't quote him verbatim, since I was trying desperately to tune him out) blah-blah-blah, yakkitty-smackitty.

Trader #2: (Cited equally boring figures and statistics).

I sped up, I was trying to shift into my safe Friday mode and they sped up...nipping at my heels with their baying banter, like relentless bloodhounds after an escaped convict. Was some potbellied prison guard urging them on while he had them leashed? I didn't dare look back to find out.

Trader #1: (Cited stats upon stats)

Trader #2: (Cited even more stats. A veritable stat clusterf*ck and obviously they weren't practicing "safe stats.")

Me: (whispering) Shut up, you statistical tools!

Trader #1: Then right before the bell, we get (proud of transaction and even though I didn't know exactly what he was talking about, I could that he was inflating a simple transaction into the sale of the century). Then, we "systematized" it.

At this point I twitched and spasmed.

Me: (thinking) Okay, not only are you bullsh*ting about your accomplishments, but you're making up words, too! "Systematized???" Shut the hell up, before I take "The Big Book of Pulps" out of my backpack and beat you to a pulp with it!

So I went from a speed walker's pace, to full on jog and barely escaped their disgusting discourse. I was all set to rant that "systematized" is not a word, yet, the M-W online says it clearly is.


...well, those two are still a pair of statistical tools.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

I'm Not One For Contests...

...but Bridget and Tanya? Can your hair do this?
Yeah, I didn't think so.