Even More Action And The Temple of Boom!

First on today's double bill? Katie Schwartz enters the Second Chamber of Astonishing Adventures Magazine Offices and interviews editor Katherine Tomlinson; a woman as beautiful and deadly as she edits.

Next? Johnny Dollars continues Splotchy's meme and not everything seems to be of this world-

Stepping down the ramp to the tarmac, the humid air smacked me in the face look a hat dish towel. My loud Hawaiian shirt, brown Bermudas and straw hat assisted my pasty skin in screaming ”tourist” to any who might notice me. I was just heading toward the doors to the baggage terminal when I heard the faint whistling from the air above.

Shielding my eyes from the white intensity of the Florida sun, I could just pick out five black specks high in the sky coming from the direction of Elgin Air Force base.

The flight-paths for the specks were all wrong for any aircraft or missile the base might possibly have in their inventory. Damn it, I haven’t even had a chance to get a decent drink yet.

“Henry Lemon” is the cover name for the Agency and the Agency has their fingers into everything the NSA, FBI, CIA, and every other alphabet can’t handle. “Opportunities and riches abound here!” is standard for code for “enemy incursion.”

“I know that I can trust you to keep this in confidence, but if you somehow have changed since the time we saved each others lives? Know that there is far more money to be made than what is in this envelope.” This means we have alien invaders again taking over the brains of human beings – again.

“Now, get down here as soon as you can. I need a good and loyal man, that I know will have my back” is pretty self-evident and just means to get my ass moving.

“Rosebud,” No sooner had I whispered the codeword than my cybernetic implants activated and my forearms opened to reveal the mini-rail guns held within. A quadriplegic since a landmine have me apart in Afghanistan, the Agency had rebuilt me with all kinds of sweet boys-toys.

The specks have covered a lot of territory by now and I could see they were five men wearing Thaitana rocket packs and were bristling with all sort of weapons modules. I hate Thaitana MindSlugs and their human hosts. You can’t get the little bastards out without twenty hours of microsurgery and a hell of a lot of prayer.

These poor soldiers just became expendable.

Twisting around, my first burst of fire rupture the wing fuel tanks in the plane I just arrived it. The resulting fireball incinerates two of the rocket men, but it also kills the flight crew and a dozen passengers. Their families will get wonderful letters explaining that they were killed defending their country.

Danger, chills, excitement, and all this for the price of popcorn!

Action! Action! I've Got Action!

Coming to Write Procrastinator, the double feature film bill that you've been waiting for!

First, Quin keeps Splotchy and Bubs's meme going, as the story virus spreads! Watch as she channels the late Messr. Thompson himself! Featuring Bubs as "Hunter S." and Lindsay Lohan as "Oscar Zeta Acosta!"

Next on the exciting double bill! Katie "Scoop" Schwartz interviews Astonishing Adventures Magazine Editor John "Don The Mad Monkey, Mon" Carlucci!

There will be blood! There will be moldy peanuts! There will be interviews and no subject will be spared!

Will Katie make past Cerebus, the Minotaur and The Maze, to get the interview? Will Quin escape the shadow cabal of evil Pan Am lawyers? Only you can click and find the answers!

I give them both two solid thumbs up! There you have your pull quote, now put the grapefruit knife down!

-Richard Roeper

Splotchy Has Another Story Meme

Cool, just like JJ's Friday Flash Fiction of old, Splotchy has another viral story meme. Bubs caught it and he's dishing it out to the rest of the Internet.

Splotchy wrote...

I had been shuffling around the house for a few hours and already felt tired. The doorbell rang. I opened the front door and saw a figure striding away from the house, quickly and purposefully. I looked down and saw a bulky envelope. I picked it up. The handwriting was smudged and cramped, and I could only make out a few words.

Bubs wrote...

I looked up and down the street but didn’t see any delivery truck, or any car for that matter. No FedEx, no UPS , no creepy-looking porno'd-out conversion van with a half-assed delivery service sign taped to its side. Nothing. It's like delivery man just disappeared. I stepped back inside, re-set the deadbolts and took a closer look at the envelope.

Mentally I ran through the checklist of letter bomb warning signs. The handwriting on the envelope, smudged and cramped as it was, was laid out in a tiny, obsessively neat block lettering. It practically screamed recently-de-institutionalized loner with time on his hands. No ticking or whirring sounds, that’s good. No odd smells, no leaks or stains on the package. Check. Weight seemed evenly distributed, that’s good too. I decided to open it.

Inside I found a plane ticket to Pensacola, a business card for a lawyer in Niceville, five crisp $100 bills and a four page handwritten note. Well. This was different. I poured a cup of coffee, threw some meat to the dogs to stop em barking, and sat down to read.

I wrote...

Now I knew that Niceville is the home of Mullet Festival and by that, I mean the fish and not the god awful hairstyle. Also, Elgin Air Force base was just a hop, skip and a jump from there, but beyond that? I’ve never been in that part of woods nor do I believe that I knew anybody down there.

The four page letter was a missive from my friend from the first Gulf War, Henry Lemon. The lay out of the four pages was odd; the first page said “this money is just a small example of the money to be had.”

The second page said “opportunities and riches abound here!”

The third said “I know that I can trust you to keep this in confidence, but if you somehow have changed since the time we saved each others lives? Know that there is far more money to be made than what is in this envelope.

The fourth page said “now, get down here as soon as you can. I need a good and loyal man, that I know will have my back.”

And now I'm tagging:

Quin
Is That So Wrong
Johnny Dollars

Spotchy's Story Meme

Listen to me do Silvio doing his bad "Godfather III" Pacino impression, "just when I thought I was out, they pullll me back in."

So Chris has caught something and he is passing it along to all of us-

If you are one of the carriers of this story virus (i.e. you have been tagged and choose to contribute to it), you will have one responsibility, in addition to contributing your own piece of the story: you will have to tag at least one person that continues your story thread. So, say you tag five people. If four people decide to not participate, it's okay, as long as the fifth one does. And if all five participate, well that's five interesting threads the story spins off into.

So, here goes:

I woke up hungry. I pulled my bedroom curtain to the side and looked out on a hazy morning. I dragged myself into the kitchen, in search of something to eat. I reached for a jar of applesauce sitting next to the sink, and found it very cold to the touch. I opened the jar and realized it was frozen. (Splotchy)

My first idea was to put the applesauce in the microwave. Hey, I was still tired. Could I scoop some out and put whipped cream on it? No, too solid. Why was it so damn cold in here? I walked over to the thermostat and saw that the heat hadn't clicked on all night and the temperature had dropped substantially overnight. Now, tired and hungry, I opened the access panel on the heater. There's the problem: why was someone cooking a duck in here? (SamuraiFrog)

I bent down and scooped up the uncooked duck carcass. There was no way I was going to let it go to waste, especially considering I had applesauce on hand. I placed it in a roasting pot and went back to reset the heater. As I continued to wake up, I realized that my roommate had spent the night at his girlfriend's place and couldn't have put the duck there. "How the hell did it get there?" I wondered. Just then, an already odd situation became even stranger. The lifeless duck animated, flapped its featherless wings, and began to speak. (Some Guy)

"Zal-pinga, zal-pinga, zow-zow-zow! I am the ghost of unrequited meals and you will be haunted by three more meals, tonight!"

I folded my arms, my face and body language conveyed equal parts doubt and skepticism.

"What?" asked the duck.

"Shouldn't you be an ex-business partner or friend of mine that has passed away?"

"What?"

"Marley, you know, you should be like Marley."

"What are you going on about? I am not a reggae duck."

"No, if this is anything like the story, you shouldn't be a duck, you should be someone just like Jacob Marley...I don't know, maybe, uh, Dwight Holstein."

"He's too busy haunting Louise Barret, because she stood him up on prom night. At any rate, tonight, you will be visited by three meals."

"But why do meals walk the earth and why do they come to me?"

"Will you shut up already? I am freezing walking around here, with nary a stitch of clothing or plumage-"

"And why should you be cold, you are dead already?"

"And why do you think we ghosts are moaning all the time? It's bad enough being dead, but...you are getting my sidetracked! Tonight, you will be visited by three meals!" (Write Procrastinator)

Now I am passing it along to you. I tag:

Katie (B.Online.F.F.)
Becky (because you're tagged for life)
Chelene (because she says she should write)
Quin (because she knows how to write)
Johnny Dollars (money time, JDC).

A Post Scriptum- Here is Quin's and I love Flannery's take.