"I Write, Therefore I Strike"

The Missus and I have worked hard to bring screenwriters, writers, as well as their friends, and family everywhere, a way to show their solidarity and support.

We have a whole new section at the shop dedicated to The Great Writers' Strike of 2007-2008, with the slogan "I Write, Therefore I Strike." Doesn't that sound like something Rene would've said if he were a striking screenwriter?

Some of the clothing costs a little more because the designs are printed on both the front and the back, this is a Cafe Press expense because of the cost of printing on both sides. This was also my idea because this way the message can be seen up and down the picket line, as well as any where the writer or supporter goes.

In a show of solidarity, we are also selling the "Value Shirt" that Cafepress offers AT COST.

Bartender? Updates All Around!

First, the Food Network giveth, and the Food Network taketh away...

I missed it. Because I so seldomly watch TV, as leave it on as background noise, this household doesn't have a DVR and the VCR is just collecting dust. Yes, I missed Liz Hickok kicking ass and taking names, she won!

AT & T Park didn't win for "Best Ballpark Eats," though.

Second, Guy's still overseas in Melinda June Land...


Hello everyone, hope you’re happy and hale!

I managed to convince the terrific Irish actress Donnla Hughes to be in a short movie, and so you can catch her in “Little Bill Pilling” at http://www.youtube.com/Guyjjackson

For those of you in or around London, I’m performing in two big shows coming up: “Express Excess” (‘London’s best night of poetry’ says Time Out magazine) at The Enterprise, Chalk Farm Tube, May 16th, 8:30PM, and “Night of the Living Dolls” at 33 Oxford St, Old Crown Pub, May 23rd, 8PM

And those all-original storytelling CDs of mine are available from the “shop” at http://www.lazygramophone.com/

Thanks as always for your time and consideration, and do take care!

Sincerely,

Guy J.


Stay strong, Guy! Oh, and good luck getting a decent bowl of cornflakes or Jello.

Third? A new product tomorrow for the shop tomorrow, today is about everybody else.

It's Official

So I alluded to this earlier. So now "the bigger and better things" are here and I'm in Creative Screenwriting...



well, not really...



technically, I am. As is Procrastinator Junior, in issue Volume 14, #2. We're on page sixty-six, in an ad for the shop. It's a picture of a late 60's Camaro, a design from Quentin Tarantino's "Death Proof," which was the original title for "Grindhouse."

P.S. Correction, "Death Proof" is the title of Tarantino's segment.

Ooooh, Yet Another Slogan

Yes, in anticipation of bigger things for the shop, I finally posted the slogan that's been sitting in the bin for months. Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring to you...

"Rewrite THIS"

In a mug, in a large mug, in a white t-shirt, and a baseball jersey. Not to mention, a hoodie and a sweatshirt to keep your warm through the remaining months of winter.

Orrrr, how about a tote bag? Don't you know that your desktop and laptop are getting lonely? Try a mousepad for each, in black and white.

Tutti me volgiono, tutti me chiamano

If you go to my Technorati profile, you will see a picture of yours truly. It's hopefully a prelude to bigger and better things.

Some New Additions To The Shop

The Missus has been slaving away and she has produced two new additions to the shop. Lucky you, the public. Not so lucky, the Missus, who said that "even Nike lets Vietnamese children sleep on occasion." Ha-ha, she's such a kidder! She'll pay dearly for...dammit, am I typing outloud again?

First, the slogan that ties into the name of this blog in black. For all of you Johnny Cash fans, goths, hipsters, and people that know that black is not only slimming, but it makes you look good, too.

Then the slogan that should be your mantra, on a hat

Just the thing to lord over Tom Wolfe, while you scoff at him at that party in the Hamptons. After that, ask him what's up with those white suits and does he have to go into hiding after Labor Day?

P.S. Sorry about the earlier inconvience, the black t-shirt is fixed and ready.

Feedback From The "Writers On A Storm Contest"

I've brought up a few posts ago that I'd entered the Writers On The Storm contest and didn't make the quarter finals, with a script that made the quarter finals in another contest a couple years ago. It was laziness on my part because I figured that rather than tuning it up and modernizing it, that it would be good enough as is.

http://www.writerstorm.com/site/?p=home

For example, I made references to sword and sandal films because I thought that the whole "Gladiator" would still be going when it sold. How fast did "Troy" and "Alexander" die out? The timing was perfect then, but as they say, "never writer for what you think will be popular later on."

G.L, my friend and a writing role model since I was fifteen, says that I should always put forth my best effort and submit my best material. Sound advice that I never seem to entirely take to heart as the opus I covet so much will never be submitted to any screenplay contest or by itself to a production company. It will only appear as a novel or as a screenplay after I've sold a few others, period. That's just me, I don't want the thing diluted into something that's it's not, just because "I'm sorry that we had to go in a different direction with your story because Hungarian laser-wielding lesbian vampires are testing through the roof!"

Not that they shouldn't test through the roof or that their stories shouldn't be told, I would rather tell their stories in a script other than the one I poured my heart and soul into.

So yes, I will tune "Dinner At Your Place" up. In the meantime, the good folks at the WOTS contest gave everybody a little feedback (or was it just for me? Don't email me if they didn't do it for you) on the script that they submitted. You don't get that with every contest and you're lucky to get a form email-letter telling you whether you made the quarter finals or not.

So "PJ" wrote the feedback to "Dinner" and I agreed with most of it, though some of the feedback stuck me odd. Let's glance over this together...

"A well-written story with a suspensful premise." I don't know about those last two words, it was a rom-com, how much suspense could there possibly be? Somebody is getting somebody and somebody might wind up lonely by the time the credits roll. After the credits, there might be a suprise or two. I should take part of that back, there is a question that isn't answered until the very end.

"Many of the characters are engaging, especially Linda." Linda was not meant to be sympathetic or the most engaging. She's a quasi-villain, as much as a victim of her own delusions. Either "PJ" didn't read the script or I did an incredibly bad job as a writer of getting that across, and neither bodes well. Or "PJ" relates to Linda's character a little too much and I can't really say that because I don't know "PJ" from Eve or Adam.

"The author has a good ear for dialogue. The tone and flow to the story is good." Damn "PJ," dinner's on me if you're up here and I don't mean McDonald's. "Many of the scenes have a good amount of conflict." Good, that's just what I wanted to get across... "But there needs to be conflict in every single scene." I thought that there was a tad too much and that it would alienate the reader, just goes to show and I mean that sincerely.

"So, make sure to put in conflict in each scene and cut out any chitchat or small talk." This script was written as dialogue-heavy. I wrote this right after I took Dov S. Simens Two Day Film School http://www.webfilmschool.com/2day.htm and this was meant to be a script that could be shot on the cheap with a minimum of locations. Basically, it was to be more stage play than film. So the small talk was as essential to me as it would be to Woody Allen or Jim Jarmusch, but I can see how that would've alienated a reader.

"The author does a nice job pulling the reader into the story right away and sustaining the reader's interest throughout." You want flowers with that dinner, PJ?

"There are a few minor formatting mistakes. Check out Jim Cirile's 'Format and Style Guide 2006' for examples of how to format a basic screenplay or buy some professional scripts from a place like scriptcity.com and read them over for further study." More laziness on my part, that's all I'll say about that other than it wasn't very professional on my part.

The scripts are graded with the following system: "Excellent," "Very Good," "Good," "So-so," and "Not Good." I received "Good" on premise, characters and structure. "Very Good" on dialogue and one would think that one "Very Good" more, might have vaulted me into the quarter finals. There was also this...

Since the author obviously has a lot of potential as a writer, we highly recommend checking out Writer's Boot Camp (http://www.writersbootcamp.com/) ." Which I cannot distinguish if this is genuine or a pitch...

and speaking of which, check out my store at http://www.cafepress.com/Writeprocrast

Because my accountant says that I need to make more of an effort than I have in the past of selling it. Of course, she doesn't mean in the blog. She means actual advertising and sending products to highly visible clients.

More laziness on my part.

I'm On Blogebrity...Not Really

Kyle Bunch was kind enough to let this comment through on Blogebrity. Of course big genius Procrastinator mentions this on a February blog that will only be accessed by people doing searches for:

Chuck Norris and Spreadshirts
Creating your own Tartan line
Ecosneaks
Boing Boing Zen
or Fashion Zen

Because it's off of the two main pages. Timing is everything and mine is running on California caveman's.

http://blogebrity.com/blog/2006/02/boing-boing-zen-fashion-zen.php#comments

Giving Credit Where Credit Is Long Overdue

So for Christmas, the Missus gave me a Compaq V2000 http://www.notebookreview.com/default.asp?newsID=2028 so that I could work without interruption and write whenever the inspiration hits me.

That I should wait so long to mention this gift, is a sin and I've only been using this machine fulltime since February. I was sticking the GeoBook NB-60 a.k.a. "Old Faithful Ver. 2.0" and the home computer instead. I'm a bit of a technophobe, but I'll delve into that in a later post before I go off on another tangent like a dog chasing a stick.

I don't want to praise my wife at the expense of others. So please take this in the best possible way when I say that she was one of only the people in the world (besides G.L.) that had faith in my writing and me. Prior to last October, I've never blogged nor has anyone seen my short stories. None of my scripts have come broken the semi-final barrier nor have the few colleagues that have read my script work, liked more than a few lines here and there.

So the Missus is my cheerleader, my muse, my spellchecker, editor, my bestfriend, the mother of my child, and my wife, all rolled up into one.

She has put up the insecurities that come with being married to an aspiring writer, as well as the whining.

Lots of whining.

I mean if we are to mix metaphors? A vineyard of whining.

She humored me and sacrificed more than a few weekends to learn Corel Paintshop Pro, so that I could have a shop...

http://www.cafepress.com/Writeprocrast

Not to mention that she's my editor which is far from the easiest thing in the world to do. If a computer was to be my editor, my mistakes would melt its circuitboard. I mean the last three pages of my latest short story is making William Strunk and E.B. White turn in their graves like a George Foreman Rotisserie Grill hooked up to 454 cubic inch V8. I have no sense of punctuation whatsoever. My writing should be an example of "The Elements of Defiled."

I know that a period goes at the end of a sentence and that's about it. Colons? Semi-colons? What, you mean that that's not part of the anatomy? Somewhere down in Georgia there's a Sheriff going, "boy, there are laws here, against what you do to commas!"

Then, I come to plot conclusions that are perfectly obvious to me, but they sure as hell aren't there on paper. I'd like to give you an idea what this is like without citing my own work, but, it would be impossible. Because if you viewed my work without the experienced eyes of my wife, you would burst into an ever-consuming fire, forcing Mulder and Scully to come out of retirement. Your hardcore geek neighbor would want that. You? Not likely.

If you really want to know what my work looks like unedited, have a seance and ask the ghost of Evard Munch. I showed him a poem in my past lifetime and while he was never the same, this swell painting came out of it...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:The_Scream.jpg

The Missus provides inspiration by, er...well, besides that. Um, oh yeah, she buys me books on Noir, Kurbrick and the screenplay to "Napoleon Dynamite." Sweet!

She works in a law firm, comes back home with all of her fingers intact, raises my child, and edits my stories. All that without the benefit of Geritol or pep pills like those wussy wives from the 70's and 80's.

So three cheers to the Missus! She does what O.S.H.A, the FBI and the NHTSA cannot do, make my scripts and short stories safe for the viewing public.

Because Sometimes You Have To Explain It

Some people at work who enjoy mindless action films cannot understand why I get worked up about a complete collapse of logic or inconsistent and/or lazy plotting in said films.

So basically I came up with this slogan http://www.cafepress.com/writeprocrast.40938018

"It's A Screenwriting Thing (you wouldn't understand unless I pitched it to you)!" It works on many levels and not just when you're trying to get across why spectacular stunts and explosions do not excuse shoddy deus ex machina endings.

Look at The Pretty Letters...They're Floating...

Insomnia can be a wonderful thing. Throw in the complimentary OCD that often comes with it, a headache and you have an interesting stew. Hold the salt and the nap, please. Thank you.

I became obsessed with getting the cafepress shop in order and not only does it have greetings in five different languages, it now has page-folder-icon-thingies that can take you to the product of interest complimented with catchy descriptions for said products. I finished that around 4 AM and while bragging about it in a post on the old blog, I decided that the new blog needed to have its links reflect the variety of the old one.

My new blog now has all the author and tribute links that the old one did, so now the blogs more or less match up. Then I had to pare the descriptions on the links on the new one a bit, they're literally getting long in the tooth.

So right about now, I have the shop and blog right where I want them and I'm happy. I'm also sooo tired that the letters are floating, so I'm going to do something that comes once in a delirium:

The first person to post on this post gets one item of their choice,

plus two-day shipping. All for free if they live within the continental

United States. You should have an email address on your blog or

wherever you want me to respond because I'm not Kreskin or Ms.

Cleo. I'm dropping the friends and family catch, the first person to

respond to the offer, gets the offer. Capisce?.

http://www.cafepress.com/Writeprocrast

Two Pages Away From Greatness

Behind every great man, there's an even greater woman putting a foot to his tokhes. So the Missus once again put her Cooper Union degree to good usage and she helped me come up with products to make you and your house look good. Or should I say, to help you on your way at...

http://www.cafepress.com/Writeprocrast

Because "you are two pages away from greatness."

If you are a serious writer, this isn't empty rhetoric. You should believe metaphorically that you are no further away than that. That you can come up with two pages that will become your "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Two pages that will give you that a twist ending that will be mentioned along with "The 6th Sense" and "The Usual Suspects." That it is within your ability to create the two pages that will propel your work from pedestrian to extraordinary.

If you a writer, "two pages away" is not arrogance, it's a fact. You have to have some confidence in that or you are just writing for friends or just as a hobby.

Now, here is a shirt to let people know how serious you are. How dedicated you are.

Or a shirt to let a loved one know how much you believe in them. A shirt that represents a writer's desire.

The Shop Ver. 2.0

If you haven't done so and you know you haven't, check out the new shop featuring even more t-shirts, tote bags, sweatshirts, hoodies, mouse pads and mugs! Christmas is right around the corner (or so the retailers keep telling me), so get that special someone the perfect gift that exposes them for what they really are...procrastinators!

The great American novel, indeed! They could've wrote "War & Peace" five times over by now!

http://www.cafepress.com/Writeprocrast

So What's Up With The Blog Name?

I'm sure that the few who have perused this blog or the many of you that have seen me post on other blogs have wondered, "what the hell is up with that name?"

Well, ponder no more. Introducing...

http://www.cafepress.com/Writeprocrast

I've been putting this project off for four years and it has finally come to fruition. On my signature at the bottom of my posts and emails through out my Internet life, there was this quote...

"Procrastination? It's crack for writers!"

All of the writers who had seen that slogan got it right away. It wasn't an endorsement of drugs; it was merely a metaphor of the addictive property of procrastination to writers. It's the one thing that all writers have a hard time kicking.

There are two slogans up there, soon to be three. I'm going to have to bump the store up to a premium shop to do that so...please be patient. In the meantime, take a peek at the shop and please give me some feedback.

P.S. If not for me, then for the Missus. She traveled a road that would've made Moses throw his hands up in surrender. She had to contend with a Jasc Paint Shop that is not newbie-friendly and a crabby husband with just her whip and a chair. Then, she conquered them and Corel Paint Shop and turned them into the PNGs that are now up on that site.