*Sigh*

I will be back with a post on March 21st, okay? I said the first day of spring. If you are going to comment on the other two blogs, please have it relate specifically to the other two blogs. Comments are turned off here and please, let the procrastinator go back to sleep.

Who Dares To Wake This Blog From Its Slumber?!

...Liz Hickok, that's who and since I owe her one, here is a Liz update...

Hello all-

I am participating in two shows that are going on now. I apologize for the late notice. Fortunately the reception for Close Calls (at the Headlands Center for the Arts) is not for a week and a half. It is on Sunday, February 3rd from 2-5 pm. I hope to see you at that. I have two new photos and a large sculpture in the show. The sculpture should be quite moldy (intentionally) by then. Come check it out.

I am also in a show at Diablo Valley College called Places Between- Artists Working with Photography and Sculpture

I have several large photos, including a new one, in the show. The opening for that is this evening, but the show will be up through January 15th.

For those of you who aren't in the area, I'll be putting up some installation shots on my website next week. (As well as images of my new photographs.)

Thanks so much! I hope to see you soon.
-Liz Hickok

www.lizhickok.com

Close Calls: January 13 - February 25 2008Hours: Tuesday-Friday and Sunday, Noon-5PMOpening Reception: February 3, 2-5PMHeadlands Center for the Arts

944 Fort Barry Sausalito, CA 94965(Up on the Third Floor)

For directions and more information about the show, go to: www.headlands.org

Places Between: January 15-February 15, 2008Hours: Monday-Friday, 11-4 pm
Opening Reception: January 24th, 5-7 pm

Diablo Valley College Art Gallery

Pleasant Hill campus 321 Golf Club Road Pleasant Hill, CA 94523

For more information about the gallery, go to: http://www.dvc.edu/facultyhq/displayhp.asp?homepage_id=519

Which "Nation?"

This blog has gone into hibernation until the first day of spring. Until then, I'll see you at your blog if I wake up between now and then.


zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

E-Chaos Almost Strikes Again

Dear Write Procrastinator,

I understand that you work real miracles in terms of dating and unfortunately, a miracle is just what I need. I have been searching for love, for all of my life. I have been searching everywhere...not only in this world, but all over the galaxy and I have yet to find true love. I am truly despondent and I am counting on you to come through.






I mean, what's not to love about me? Sure, I have fangs, but who hasn't had a dental problem in their life? Sure, my blood is acid, but no one can call me cold-blooded and I can keep the female of any species warm, even in the most artic of conditions. I mean, I am so lonely, I am ready to settle down, get married and have kids right now (granted, all the offspring of my species would rather burst out than be born. But who is perfect? Who?)! Please come through for me like only you can.


Sincerely

Al Ien.

Well Al, what can I say? My timing has been somewhat off this year. I wish I could help you out. With your needs being what they are, I can only think of one being on my planet that can live up to (or is that withstand?) all of your requirements, as well as the difficulties of different atmospheres.

That is, the only woman that has the resiliency, yet can be tender enough when the moment calls for romance. A woman that won't have any concerns with your dental difficulties as she is somewhat challenged as well. A woman that won't be affected your sanguineous complexities, because she is known to be unaffected by anything that our planet can dish out.

Yet, while her husband is incarcerated, she seems to only want to date record producers. Maybe a change in career is in order for you, as you seem to be more like an agent or a lawyer. Still, keep our service in mind because who knows what the next six months will bring?

Remember folks, we cannot match every being in the universe, but our record on Earth is still perfect. So when you are looking for love, forget about those morons at E-Harmony and give E-Chaos a try.

"E-Chaos," because love hurts and we bring the pain!"

"I Write, Therefore I Strike"

The Missus and I have worked hard to bring screenwriters, writers, as well as their friends, and family everywhere, a way to show their solidarity and support.

We have a whole new section at the shop dedicated to The Great Writers' Strike of 2007-2008, with the slogan "I Write, Therefore I Strike." Doesn't that sound like something Rene would've said if he were a striking screenwriter?

Some of the clothing costs a little more because the designs are printed on both the front and the back, this is a Cafe Press expense because of the cost of printing on both sides. This was also my idea because this way the message can be seen up and down the picket line, as well as any where the writer or supporter goes.

In a show of solidarity, we are also selling the "Value Shirt" that Cafepress offers AT COST.

Five Things Meme..In Detail

Johnny Dollars plays tough and he sez-


Sorry to pop this on you, but there is a second half to this meme. This time I want to know how you plan to fix the specific regret, or what led to this type of regret.


Here are the regrets if you didn't read them before.

What lead to most of these regrets? I am impulsive and I had my foresight removed, along with something else I had removed that begins with "f-o-r-e." That's right, the moile removed my ability to play golf (there was no bris, just a little Catskills humor there).

The first and third regrets are fairly self-explanatory and the second is a meme for another day. The fourth is something that everybody goes through. Number five stands the best chance of me going into detail...

"5) That I have let myself get discouraged on occasions, when all I had to do was work a little harder or show a little more resolve."

I'm not bothering with "mission statements" or anything of that ilk this year, not that I bothered with those before. I have known for the last five years, exactly what needs to be done and just how to do it. I said it almost a decade ago and it remains true now. "If live gives you tripe, make menudo." Not, not a boy band, it's a variation of "if life give you lemons, make lemonade."

A rejection letter would be nice. Hell, dozens of them would be even better because I want to paper the apartment like Hemingway did. If I don't get one, fine and get nothing but publishing crickets, I won't get discouraged because I'll simply submit a story (or quite possibly, dare I say, a screenplay?) somewhere else.

I have been working harder already than I have in the past seven months and though I don't have as many completed works as I should, I still am writing every weekday.

Björk-ed

Icelandic singer Bjork attacked a newspaper photographer shortly after she arrived at New Zealand's Auckland International Airport on Sunday, local media reported.

Just what was going through that paparazzo's mind as Björk jumped on him and grabbed his shirt:

A) Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to yell "hey, Björk, I really miss that swan dress!"

B) Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to yell "hey, c-c-c-ork, look at the camera!"

C) This wasn't supposed to happen! This wasn't supposed to happen! This really hurts!

Did You Blink? Part I

I've been on local three times and I won't go into detail about those occasions, other than to say that the latter two times were unpleasant experiences. The very last time was particularly vexing because the teasing about it went on for some years nine years after the first airing.

Needless to say, I'm not going into that until YouTube puts it up there and I'll be forced to confront it head on.

I've been on national TV twice, though you probably blinked and missed me altogether. Realistically, I could barely find me and I knew where to look.

The first time, Tony Hawk was about to jump a ramp and during the establishing shot of the ramp, I was pointing out how the camera on the crane worked to Procrastinator Junior. If they repeat it which I doubt they ever will, look to the left side of the ramp right away. I'm the guy at the bottom of the first ramp, in the gray shirt and I'm pointing to the mounted camera that was obscured for the most part, from that view.

About an hour before that, we saw Biff Henderson just sitting outside the Roy Rogers, about a block from the Ed Sullivan Theater. He was just hanging out on a bench and while we had a chance to meet him, I kept telling the Missus that we should leave him alone because celebs are supposed to be left alone in NYC. She said that he probably wanted to bothered and she was probably right.

From reading summary of the show, I didn't remember the tricks correctly. I thought he did two aerial 360s and-

[W]e go back outside to Tony Hawk. He will be performing his first jump, called, "The Mute Tweak." Tony roars down the ramp and up and flies high through the air to another receiving ramp. The Mute Tweak. It's similar to the Tweak, but you can't hear this one.

Back from commercial, we are ready for another Tony Hawk jump. Next in the lineup is the Ollie. It's just like the Mute Tweak but it is performed without hands. Tony shoves off and heads down the ramp. Up and over he goes, but loses his board in flight. Tony takes a spill on the other side but I don't think this is the first time this has happened. Tony knows how to fall. He brushes himself off and says that he is OK.

TOP TEN: DUMB GUY EXPLANATIONS FOR MARS BEING CLOSE TO EARTH#7. Who cares? I'm gonna go shoot rats at the dump.#6. Mars? Oh, I thought you said Marv.

Following the Top Ten, Tony Hawk is ready for his next leap. This time he'll be performing the Indy 360. The 360 tells me there is a full revolution involved. This time Tony hits it perfectly. I give the 360 a 10.

I do remember that he landed both of his attempts smoothly and cleanly, and in retrospect, his missed attempt wasn't that bad. He didn't even bruise himself and he has always known how to dissipate the impact of a wipeout. It wasn't even that much of wipeout.

Yes, I know that Biff isn't really a "celebrity" per se, but that doesn't mean that he want a quiet moment to himself.

Coming sometime next week, Part II of "Did You Blink" in which I see a movie legend's not so good plastic surgery and sixty people are left to the mercy of one of the worst actors of all time.

Two Things

First, I've added two more to the blogroll. The colorful Catherinette and fellow procrastinator-slash-screenwriter The Constipated Writer.

Second, I want you to call me "The Earl of Ellipses" for the rest of this weekend...








...what?


Ah, humor, will you?

Know Your Rabid Animals

Citizens of San Francisco, City public health officials warned Wednesday that a rabid bat was found in the Marina, and they are searching for anybody who may have come in contact with it.

As an added precaution, we also ask that you familiarize yourself with the animals in San Francisco that might carry rabies, so that you can avoid encounters with them in the future.

Here is a bat-

Here is a rabid procrastinator-

Here is a bat-



Here is a Procrastinator-



This is Batman-

This is Lego Batman-

Batman and Lego Batman have shown no sign of rabies as of yet. Still, we ask that you use caution and avoid everything and everyone depicted in this post.

6 S Abounds, Dude

Quin has a 6 S, that much is true
Quin has a 6 S, that's why I'm leaving you

Katie has a 6 S, that much is true
Katie has a 6 S, that's why I'm leaving you

Of course nobody remembers that LL Cool J song and anybody that does remember it, is trying desperately right now to forget it. So this is probably all for naught (I'm so tired, that I actually spelled this "not," the first time). At any rate, click the purple to get the stories and the blogs.

F-R-I-E-D

Is it better to burn out, than fade away? I swear, I am on verge of finding out. Work last night wore me down to almost a nub, then I had to crank out some pages at lunchtime, because this is the year that something is going to happen. Just what is going to happen? Hopefully something other than indigestion.


I digress (or is it "depress?"), for I want to bring up the two songs are inspiring me now, even though I don't own either one. On a loop in my head right now, "Knights of Cydonia" and "Super Massive Black Hole." Both by the sometimes excellent band, Muse.

"Knights of Cydonia?" A musical mix of spaghetti western and the guitar parts of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." A song that defies you not to rock out or get whiplash and buy the neckbrace already, because you will lose. Of course lyrics such as-

Come ride with me
Through the veins of history
I'll show you how God
Falls asleep on the job

And how can we win
When fools can be kings
Don't waste your time
Or time will waste you

No one's gonna take me alive
The time has come to make things right
You and I must fight for our rights
You and I must fight to survive

It's Baaaaaccckkk

By overwhelming popularity, it's back!

That and um, I don't feel like devoting all my time to this blog.

Five Things Meme

Johnny Dollars dropped a meme on me and it's a good one.

"You’ve just learned that tomorrow you will die at sunrise. Tell me the five things you regret and the five things you don’t."

Well, I can't go ten on each subject as the esteemed Mr. Carlucci, so let me try five and five, plus one for extra credit:

Five Things I Regret-

1) That we don't own property. The Missus and I were too busy having a good time and we passed up that small window where San Francisco and the Bay Area in general, had quasi-affordable property.

2) That I didn't make more of an effort while I was living in Italy, to strike out on my own.

3) That I stayed as long as I have in my crappy job. There was little choice in the matter as I wanted to help raise Junior, rather than working 5 PM to 1 AM with Tuesday/Wednesday off for the first six years of his life. Now I don't have the will or patience to seek another job within this company.

4) That I screwed up a lot of friendships over the lack of my patience at the right time.

5) That I have let myself get discouraged on occasions, when all I had to do was work a little harder or show a little more resolve.

Six Things I Don't Regret-

1) My marriage.

2) Being a parent.

3) The way the Missus and I raised the kid. We are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but if you've met Procrastinator Junior, you can see that we tried our best. Of course a greater portion of that could attributed to his good heart (pssst, he gets it from his mom).

4) Every writing setback that I've had has only made me a stronger writer. Every delay at success has paid off in regard to the scope and depth of my writing. Call it "novelist Nietzschism."

5) That I am the antithesis of a Polyanna, can you imagine me writing happy, happy thoughts in my stories?

6) That my friends are few and far between. Because the friends I do have bigger hearts and are very supportive. Quality over quantity, any day, ya know?

I won't offically tag anyone, because people have a bad tendency to never come back to the blog when I do. So this meme is open to everyone and I encourage you, the reader, to give it a go.

If A Tree Falls In San Francisco...

If a tree falls in San Francisco, koan or not, you best believe that you will hear it. Hell, you can't even go down my street without a tree going "George of The Jungle" on you.

Branches to the left of me...

...Branches to the right of me...

...Onward, onward, into the valley of takeout. If you go three blocks further down, you will see the house that was used as an exterior establishing shot in "So I Married An Axe Murderer." It was the home of the McKenzies, who were the parents of Mike Myer's character, Charles.

So just what exactly is behind this lumberjack's nightmare? Two storms got together and created the perfect wind storm, George Clooney. We are talking about gusts up to 100 mph in the East Bay and 78 mph in the City.

Everyone was soaked as the gusts of wind made umbrellas useless (note that the next three pics come from SF Gate)...

...Just like here on this picture, up on Twin Peaks, where the gusts measured the strongest for San Francisco. All practicality went out the window and I saw many a pedestrian struggling with or trying to save their umbrellas. They often didn't notice the traffic signals changing and I had witnessed more than a few near misses, where people either went back into the intersections for their umbrellas, or they outright crossed against the red light during their futile efforts.

Everywhere you looked, the garbage men were angry because the wind knocked over every garbage and recycle can that was put out. The Christmas trees that were put out for recycling, did Mary Poppins imitations because the wind flung them at people and cars. But branches and Christmas trees weren't the only things that were falling or being flung.

Timber! This is down the hill from where I grew up, on Bosworth St. Back on my current side of town, you couldn't even drive through Golden Gate Park and many a traffic light was out.

This is on Dolores St. and I guess there are some things that even Swedish engineering cannot account for. The other irony is name of the street that it happened on, because dolor means "pain" or "suffering" in Spanish.

Click on over to SFist, where you will see what happened to the other side of the hill from where I grew up. There's a nice little "before and after."

Consommé Punch and Orangina has gone off the deep end

This is for Bubs, who digs those crazy Japanese commercials. Courtesy of SF Weekly.

Um, okay. This spot of WTF, brought to you by SF Weekly and The Grinder.

See The Resemblance?

If you look at this picture real fast, why, it looks just like a giant...



Same with this picture...



Apologies to Chris, who I "appropriated" the later picture from.

Too Busy

I am working on this...

...though I did finish that. I think Aldo described it best as-

"A nice little story about baseball bats and getting your teeth kicked in. Sounds like New Years to me..." Warms the heart, doesn't it?

P.S. I just finished "The Best of The Bad Lieutenant's Wife, Volume One."